Releasing Anger Example

Applying what you know (or think you do!)

This is a rewrite of an article originally written and posted July 9, 2017

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The bad news is that when you write a book on anything, especially mine entitled Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone, the time of sustained focus required to write a book may bring about an experience to apply what you know (or think you do).

(Don’t you just love the Law of Attraction!)

The good news is that you do know (or should know) something to harness that energy constructively and then move it out of your system more quickly than you did in the past.

Think of it as the universe giving you AN EXAM. 

Here is an OPPORTUNITY to prove:

  • Do you know what you are talking about?
  • Or have you just been spouting nice sounding platitudes, airy-fairy nothings, intellectual but useless, impractical, untested, unproven ideas and information? 
  • Do your techniques actually work and make a positive difference?
  • Is there more yet to learn?
  • How can you set things up to avoid similar problems in the future?

So on June 29, 2017, a tenant, as she was moving out of my house, left water running in the upstairs bathroom. Gallons of water poured down from the second floor to the first floor living room, and down to the basement below. Rugs including a large Oriental, a mattress, books, furniture and other things got wet. Almost half of the living room ceiling had to be replaced, and as repairs were later made, drywall dust was everywhere. Most everything  had to be boxed up and moved out of the living room along with the furniture.

Likewise, two basement rooms were disrupted in order to mop up the water and get things out of harm’s way. So not only was my living room unusable for more than a month but so was the dining room and hall, and those two basement rooms as well. 

Immediately taking a long view of the problem, I knew that regardless of how much time, energy, work and out-of pocket expense would be involved, regardless of the bad timing and other demands upon me both health wise and financially, the problem would be eventually fixed, and the house would be restored to it’s former beauty. In other words, the problem was temporary. That tenant is now fully gone from my house, and I have a new, wonderful person living here. I had workmen who would help me clean up the mess.

fullsizeoutput_2cI knew that I needed to harness the anger into constructive action. So I called the appropriate people to get the help and advice I needed, and start and supervise the work.

In the meantime, I did a lot of the Infinite Intelligence Process that I wrote about in my book Accessing More to both dump stress and access my internal guidance and wisdom within.

I did EFT tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique), dowsing for emotional healing, and meditation because I did not want the anger to poison me or cause my health to further deteriorate. Plus, I wanted any and all possible contributory factors resolved.

I also did not want to project my anger back to my former tenant as it would then be a curse on her head. Because I believe that we are all connected, the corollary is that what I send out comes back to me.

To help shift my attention, I focused on what I had to be grateful for. What was left? What was good? 

  • Well, certainly the damage could have been much worse.
    • Luckily, I was only away from the house for an hour. Many other precious items in my living room and basement were not ruined even if some got wet, but would have been otherwise.
  • Help was immediately available. 
    • Two farm workers were here that day who immediately came in and helped move furniture, mop up the water, take the worst of the ceiling down, and set up fans to dry everything out to lessen the chance of mold.
    • I quickly located and hired a drywall laborer to reinstall new sheetrock and to paint.
    • A friend put me in touch with a cleaning lady who came after the ceiling was repaired. She helped me take down, wash and rehang all curtains in the living and dining room, wash, dust and vacuum everything on the ground floor and upstairs hallway. The net result was that I ended up with a much cleaner house.
    • My insurance agent came quickly, and although I did not file a claim for various reasons, I got the information I needed. 

Throughout the process, I asked myself:

  • What could I learn and how could I grow from this experience?
  • How I could prevent something like this happening in the future?
  • What I might have done differently that might have prevented it?

In other words, I was actively looking to pull a blessing out of the experience. 

To get all my anger and everything off of my chest I wrote a letter to my tenant. But after writing and rewriting it, I read it to a close friend who is also a lawyer for her input. What upset me most was that my tenant took no responsibility for her actions. Instead she was just blaming me. I felt it necessary that she understand the ramifications of her negligence so she be more careful elsewhere. This stopped the imaginary conversations of what I wished I said to her from continuing to loop in my head.

I learned long ago that:

  1. writing letters that you do not send acts as if you did. It allows you to get everything off of your chest as if you really did say what you wanted to say to them.
  2. pause before sending anything in writing, and then only if you must. Less is better. The written word lasts forever, where spoken ones are quickly forgotten.
  3. Groaning over damage done and what cannot therefore be changed (what’s done is done) is a waste of precious energy. You need to conserve that energy in order to stay healthy and to address the problem.
  4. Complaining to people who cannot help you is an immediate, very short term vent, but counterproductive otherwise.

In fact, complaining or venting beyond the immediate time frame can just be a

  • ploy for sympathy as the ‘victim‘.
  • It can be revenge by getting other people to hate your adversary as well.
  • It can be a substitute for any real action–an excuse not to do anything.
  • It can be justification for your own mistakes and
  • avoidance of any responsibility for what happened, and
  • avoidance of the need to change personally.

Best to talk only to those that can offer some good information and advice while remaining detached emotionally from your issue. And then listen with an open mind.

Only clear eyed, detached processing of everything that happened and why without jumping to attaching blame is helpful. Then accept what can not be changed, create an action plan, and get to work immediately. As you see progress, the quicker your rage will die down.

Personally, I would have loved to had someone just hold me. But since I don’t have a partner, I grabbed a cat and snuggled with him. I sat with my piggies. I hugged my dogs. I looked up at the sky. I picked up and talked to the toads. I noticed some of the abundant sweetness that is on my farm. I remembered that I am loved, that I have meaning and purpose in this world, that this is a beautiful place, and I am choosing to be alive and present. 

At other times and places, I may have made love, watched funny movies, gone dancing or done something nice with friends just to discharge energy and regroup. But what is important is that you actively do something.

There is always something still left to enjoy and appreciate—even a memory to lift your spirit. 

  • Did I pass? I think so.
  • Will I do things differently in future? Absolutely!
  • Will I forget the lessons? No.
  • Can what I learned help someone else? Yes, I know so.

Copyright 8/2018 by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com are included with the content.

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