Upset as Opportunity

Fuming over what you don’t like and the people you hold responsible for it may let off steam, but it burns up your precious life force energy and it doesn’t change anything! 

I suggest that you as quickly as possible accept that what happened, and is now history. Fuming doesn’t change history. The question is

What do you want to do about it?

How can you use it constructively?

Can you turn it into a blessing?

As I have said in previous posts, deliberately choose to look for a way to turn every experience especially the upsetting ones into a blessing. This will happen if you grow, if you learn something positive, if you take constructive action on things that previously you neglected or let slide, and if you finally turn your attention to dealing with wounds and issues long past but never resolved.

When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, miracles of positive change can occur!

You can train yourself to use upset as a powerful

  • catalyst for healing yourself and
  • as motivation to create something better.

Here’s how.

Write the answers to the questions below. If you have trouble identifying them, brainstorm possible answers on paper and dowse them out. If you don’t know how to dowse, brainstorm anyway. Then close your eyes and ask yourself the question again. Or just write and write until you get to the core issue.

  • What’s happening that I don’t want?
  • What’s not happening that I do want?
  • What’s the key issue here?
  • What are my thoughts about what’s happening?
  • What are my emotions about it?
  • What do I want to happen instead?
  • What’s the essence of what I want?
  • What’s stopping me from getting it?
  • Is there another way to get the essence of what I want?
  • When were other times that something similar happened?
  • When was the earliest time that something similar to this happened?

Work your way through all of these questions, addressing them as you go.

Then ask some further questions:

  • How did I contribute in any way to what happened?
  • What positive steps can I make or what changes need to occur so this doesn’t happen again?
  • How can I improve my ____ (communication, follow-through, systems, etc.) so that my _____ (business, relationships) are actually better as a result of what happened?

Doing all of the above will move you forward.

Heal yourself rather than trying to change someone else!

Recently I spoke with someone who was upset because he had been unable to get someone else to change. He had tried talking to the person, but wasn’t getting anywhere. I suggested that he first identify and then address his own emotions and his thoughts around it before speaking to the person again so that they would not cause the person to tune him out.

In other words, if you are emotionally upset, you will make the other person defensive, and less likely to even consider changing their behavior and do what you want. You need to find a way to speak to the person from a neutral place, or better yet, from a place of common ground.

One way of starting that process is to detach your worth, your self-esteem from what someone else is doing. Each person acts out of who they are, not from who you are. And incidentally, people never change for you. They may moderate their behavior somewhat if the negative consequences are great enough. But they never change for you.

Eliminate the ‘shoulds and shouldn’ts’

Another initial step to reduce your upset is to eliminate the idea that people should or shouldn’t be any certain way or do anything according to your standards. Those self-righteous judgment calls are responsible for a great deal of stress. However, once you clarify the behavior you don’t want and the behavior you do want, you will be able to clearly communicate it to the other person.

As he labeled the other person as controlling, I suggested that he could turn this situation into a blessing if he could identify and then heal all similar experiences starting with the first time he was upset because of controlling behavior. In other words, this annoying current event might be viewed as positive by alerting him to a host of unresolved similar events festering in his unconscious not only causing him stress but setting up a negative repeating pattern.

My own experience

Years ago I was being constantly hit with the energy of jealousy. I could always tell when the conference brochures hit the mailboxes, because I could feel the red hot feverish flames blasting in my face, and it made me jittery and hard to focus. Once in giving a presentation of how and why to integrate Reiki with hypnosis, I could feel the arrows coming from 3 distinct locations in the room. So I asked the Reiki Masters present to stand, and guess what? They were sitting in the very same locations. These weren’t bad people, they just must have thought that they could or should have been the ones speaking on the topic I had chosen.

While I had previously worked diligently to heal my distress because of other people’s jealousy of me, it had not stopped the negative pattern until I dealt with the root cause.  As I thought about the first time this issue had occurred , I turned my attention to the lifelong problematic relationship with my sister that started in early childhood. Only after I healed that, did the negative pattern stop. I have not been affected since.

Whether any one is or has been jealous of me since, I don’t feel it anymore. I am not impacted. My energy is no longer drained.

Moral of the story:

Heal the root cause to stop the pattern.

Make positive changes going forward.

And if you do that, it will have been a blessing.

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

 

I AM…so happy and grateful…

“In the beginning was the word.” Genesis

Hypnotists understand the power that words have to powerfully impact upon your life. The most important words being “I am” followed by anything else. “I AM” has incredible creative power.

Hypnosis teaches that the subconscious mind, which controls all habits and automatic behaviors, is constantly listening to everything that you say. Through repetition, words program the subconscious, and that subconscious programming leads you to be inclined to do or not do, to notice or not, to just happen to be in the right time and place for whatever you have programmed into your inner mind to occur for better or worse.

Yet how often instead of deliberately helping yourself, you identify with the negative by saying anyway “I am ___ (sick, broke, tired, burnt out, overwhelmed)” etc. And even though I know better, I catch myself doing it too.

I have found a helpful antidote through the phrase 

“I AM so happy and grateful that ___.”

 

The moment I say that I am happy and grateful I notice that it truly starts to shift my mood. Then I follow with more statements, quickly listing a bunch of things that do, in fact, make me happy, or for which I am genuinely grateful. I start with statements that I honestly believe. In starting with the easy things, it sets up the right frame of mind for me then to shift gears on those areas that need help or in which I need to manifest a positive outcome. It is important, however, to state these other things in a way in which you can believe them. Saying something you think is impossible will only backfire. 

First, I start with anything is easily true for me:

“I AM so happy and grateful that it’s a beautiful day. 

“I AM so happy and grateful that the sun is shining.

“I AM so happy and grateful that the flowers are starting to bloom.

“I AM so happy and grateful to live in this beautiful place.

Then I make statements to shift my attitude in a positive way on a challenge I need to resolve:

“I AM so happy and grateful that I have reliable, capable help to ____ at a price I can easily afford.

“I AM so happy and grateful that I quickly attract the very best tenants into my property at ____ Street. 

Finally, I visualize it as done and soak up the good feelings of that happy completion.

Personal Story

Years ago I was sponsored to teach throughout India. On a day off I went to a botanical park. The cab driver dropped me off at the entrance and said that I should walk straight through the park and he would meet me at the exit. Fine.

So I walked through this delightful but huge gated park. When I had enough, I went out the exit upon which the gate locked behind me. However, there was no cab driver. So I had to walk all around the outside of the park back to the entrance and try again.

This time I saw a fork in the path, and took it. Sure enough, there was another exit, and out I went. Again the gate locked behind me, and, you guessed it – no cab driver. So for the second time I walked around the fence back to the entrance, again looking for yet another exit. Found it, and hooray – lots of cabs. Unfortunately, not mine. The cabbies said that my driver got tired of waiting and left. So, once more I walked around the perimeter back to the entrance whereupon they kind attendant who luckily spoke English called my hotel and sponsor.

While I was angry, tired, hot and thirsty, depressed, and just fed up, I gritted my teeth and focused on anything for which I could be grateful. “I’m glad I have feet. I’m grateful I can walk. I am glad to be here in India instead of Newark, New Jersey right now.”

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

The Tangled Web of Choices that Create Our Reality

Introduction

So often we ascribe simplistic reasons to why things happen. Maybe we just blame someone else without considering that we might have played a role. Perhaps we think we’re a victim of circumstances or Mercury Retrograde. Maybe we look for some reason within our consciousness that attracted the problem. But what if ‘the cause’ was not one thing, not created or attracted by one person, but was rather a web of choices, decisions, actions to which both we and others all contributed? And what if (at least on occasion) the intention was not to punish, not to stress us out, but to teach us something?

In an earlier article, Why Shit Happens (or doesn’t) , I list the 34 other Laws of Mind (taken from Your Unlimited Potential) that in addition to the Law of Attraction create our reality. To this list, Tom Campbell in the quote below adds that our reality can be created by the larger consciousness system as a learning opportunity for ourself or others.

If a particular occurrence is determined to be an effective learning opportunity for someone or everyone, the probability of it happening is increased. The system is designed to automatically deliver timely custom-fit individual learning opportunities — the presentation of such opportunities to individuals or groups is part of the feedback one receives relative to the choices one makes. Because the point of the system is to overcome fear (about you – high entropy) and replace it with love (about others – low entropy), if you have fear, the feedback system will manifest that fear in PMR [physical reality] to force you to deal with it (learn) or suffer the consequences.”

In this article I hope to illustrate and number the multiple choices/decisions (some with  immediate and some with long-term consequences) that we individually make that are intertwined with the choices/decisions that others make. All are part of the overall Law of Cause and Effect. All contribute to our experience. The accumulation of actions and choices of everyone involved, even those seemingly miniscule or innocuous, add up over time, building in consequences. Here is a real life example.

The Case of the Missing Luggage

In June of 2016, I was to fly to California to teach at the West Coast Dowsers Conference being held in Santa Cruz. There I was also to be a vendor and sell my many books and other products. Such trip was going to involve three flight changes. As my books were very heavy and would have cost a lot to ship cross country, and as I had previously had the experience of shipped books not arriving at a conference in time, I made a decision to cram as many as I could into my carry on and checked baggage. (#1)   Each piece of luggage was at the ultimate weight limit.

Before packing, I evaluated various luggage options. I had the choice between a more roomy duffle bag that I would have to hand carry but which could hold more, or a smaller piece with wheels. I chose the duffle bag. (#2) Had I been better with planning, I might have evaluated the consequences of this way in advance and possibly bought a bigger wheeled option. (#3)

I called ahead and told the airport that I needed transportation from the long-term parking area. They assured me that they would be able to help me. However, I had not allowed enough time to to get ready to leave the house. (#4) And because I now had a heavy duffle bag with my books, I waited at the car (#5) instead of attempting to haul both my suitcase and the duffle bag up the hill. The shuttle never came (#6), nor was the dispatcher answering the phone at that early hour. (#7) So I had to walk, but the delay meant that I was just 3 minutes past the cut-off time for check-in. Even though the flight was still 30 minutes off, they refused to let me board, and put me on another flight. (#8)

Next, I was asked if I wanted to check my carry-on bag for an extra expense, but I declined. (#9) A little voice in my head asked “are you sure?” I declined again. (#10)  I again heard that voice repeat the question, and I still did not change my decision. (#11)

At security, I took out my computer, jewelry, cosmetics out of my computer bag to be screened, but because of the rush to get to the gate, I threw everything into my roomier duffle bag, thinking that I would have time to reorganize everything neatly at the gate. (#12) 

However, as soon as I got to the gate and before I could reorganize my valuables, I had to quickly hand over my carry on duffle bag to an airline attendent at the first leg of the trip. (#13) I was able to personally retrieve it o.k. when we landed. But now I had to really struggle to physically carry my book bag throughout a very big terminal. (#14) 

Because of the fight changes that made a super tight window to make next connection, I had to literally run to make my next flight. This was extremely difficult, exhausting, but some young man helped carry things part way or I would not have made the connection at all. (#15)

When I got to the gate, the airline attendant would not let me board with my duffle bag that still had my computer, jewelry and cosmetics in it. (#16) She rapidly took it from me and checked it in telling me that I would retrieve it at the next stop. However, she was rushed (#17) with many other people trying to board, and unknown to me, she put the wrong final destination on my bag. (#18) 

I arrived at the 3rd airport, but was told that my luggage were already being sent to my final destination. But when I finally arrived in California, my suitcase was there, but not my duffle bag. I spent a couple of hours checking to see if it was late getting off the plane, (#19) and then filed out forms for lost luggage. (#20) The airline after several calls had no record of my duffle bag (#21) and told me I would just have to keep checking back with them. Then I had to yet wait a further hour because my flight changes had caused an issue with the previously scheduled shuttle service. (#22)

I finally got to the conference. However, the books that I was hoping to sell to pay for this trip were not there so I made no sales. (#24) I spent the next three days anxiously calling the airline for information as to where it was. (# 25)

I was blessed to have a conference attendee drive me into town to buy new toiletries, hair curler, etc. that had been in the duffle bag. (#26). But this was an additional expense. (#27) Another attendee lent me a jacket (#28) because my only warm wrap for the 50 degree weather was also in the duffle bag. (#29)

I was very stressed out (#30) not just about the books and decrease in sales that their loss and even time delay represented (#31), and the potential loss of my good jewelry, but most of all because of my computer. Since I had not been in the habit of backing up my files (#32), losing my computer back would mean that I would lose all of my documents including book manuscripts. (#33) 

Eventually, the duffle bag showed up at an airport in Osaka, Japan. One day before the conference was over, the duffle bag was returned with everything intact — thanks to lots of prayers from many people (#34) and the honesty of those involved on two continents and 4 airports (#35). 

Moral of the Story

This was a lesson that multiple actions, choices and decisions by both me and others led to both creating, alleviating, and solving this problem. Had I been regularly backing up my computer, had I made a different luggage choice, had I listened to the small voice within me to check the additional bag, had I allowed more time to get to the airport, had I immediately walked to the terminal instead of waiting for the shuttle, had I put my valuables back into the computer bag, everything would have been different. So the screw up was as much my fault as that of the airlines. But it was also a lesson that there are good people everywhere who help just because that’s who they are, and honest airline luggage handlers in 4 airports and two continents who returned everything in good shape.

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

 

 

 

 

What the Law of Attraction Misses

This is a reworked article originally written in March 17, 2015 that was formerly called: 

“Why Shit Happens (or doesn’t)”

Much talk has been made on the Law of Attraction–that you create your own reality through the predominant content of your thoughts, and that by dwelling on positive or negative thoughts, you will draw positive or negative experiences into your life. Popularized by New Thought authors (see list of authors here), the New Age Movement, channelers such as Esther Hicks, and promoted in movies such as The Secret, it has been so hyped up that it takes on the trappings of religious dogma (Science of Mind, Unity, Christian Science, etc.) or cultish in it’s uncritical, narrow minded philosophy. Followers seem to fall into the category of ‘true believers’.

As a hypnotherapist, I agree that the Law of Attraction does seem to operate. It is my job to help a client identify the self-sabotaging thoughts, emotions and expectations that may underlie any unwanted habit, pattern or experience. And it is my job to help them resolve their issues, healing trauma and other blockages, and shifting limiting beliefs and negative expectations so that the person is able to be more hopeful, take appropriate action, and move on with their life less burdened by the stress of the past in order to create a more rewarding future.

That being said, the Law of Attraction is only a possible cause (not the only possibility) and even where found, may be only a partial cause of why particular things happen to you. While important, it is, nonetheless, simplistic and very incomplete. And in it’s claim that it is the only causative factor, it lacks compassion for self and others, and it neglects the other things that may be responsible totally apart from LOA, or in addition be at cause. In other words, the possibilities are:

  • Law of Attraction.
  • Law of Attraction AND ___.
  • Something else.

If you are blind to other factors that are or may be involved, you cannot, you will not take corrective action on them. That is a disservice.

Furthermore, ideas, beliefs, theories, models of reality change over time. They sometimes are more like the fad of the moment. They come and they go. Consequently, it is a mistake to get too attached or you will miss new insights. If you maintain an open-minded attitude, you may come to a greater understanding of how the mind works in creating our world. And as you examine other points in history or other cultures, other areas of the world where people have a vastly different beliefs, ideas, and experience of life than we do in our more privileged Western society, you may have a more expansive understanding in both our freedom and our limitations in what we can and cannot effect. 

But even within the Law of Attraction what is not usually talked about are the thoughts that are the most powerful aspect and the hardest to remedy are those that are so much a part of you that they taken for granted, unspoken, unverbalized, and, therefore, invisible. While your life gives you clues, yet other dynamics beyond your predominant thoughts can be responsible for drawing experiences to you. Hence, the beauty of hypnosis to uncover and release them.

In my first edition of Your Unlimited Potential, a complete self-hypnosis course book first published in 1992 [available through my website], I wrote about this New Thought principle and the others listed below in an entire chapter entitled Laws of Mind. While I am now embarrassed at how much the New Age Movement and New Thought permeates that chapter, New Thought only goes back about a 100 years since  Phineas Quimby. Quimby was a Mesmerist (follower of Franz Mesmer and the early hypnotists) in the early 19th century that healed Mary Baker Eddy, founder of Christian Science. Eddy in turn influenced Ernest Holmes who founded Religious Science (of which Fenwick Holmes, Raymond Charles Barker, Stuart Grayson, Louise Hay, Michael Beckwith, Joseph Murphy, Jean Houston, Terry Cole-Whittaker, and William Hornaday are notable ministers). Eddy also influenced Charles and Ethel Fillmore, founder of Unity Church.

  • Overall Law of Cause and Effect
  • Law of Knowing
  • Law of Love
  • Law of Gratitude
  • Law of Forgiveness
  • Law of Nonresistance
  • Law of Substitution
  • Law  of Belief (Expectancy)
  • Law of Faith
  • Law of Justification (Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
  • Law of Judgment
  • Law of Declaration
  • Law of Feeling (Emotion)
  • Law of Dominant Effect
  • Law of Identification
  • Law of Imagination
  • Law of Practice (Repetition)
  • Law of Neutrality
  • Law of No Limitations
  • Law of Association
  • Law of Compatibility
  • Law of Reaping and Sowing (Karma)
  • Law of Compensation (Giving and Receiving)
  • Law of Relaxation (Allowing)
  • Law of Release
  • Law of Vacuum
  • Law of Opposites
  • Law of Reverse Effect
  • Law of Pharsing
  • Law of the Now
  • Law of Permanence
  • Law of Connection
  • Law of One

But here’s another take on how we may be creating our reality:

While I believe that all of the above influence what happens to us, I noted that physicist, Tom Campbell has another take on why we draw things to us. He says that

We draw experiences to us as learning opportunities, both individually and collectively.

Tom Campbell on Creating Our Future           tom-atom.png

Campbell, author of My Big Toe, consciousness researcher, out-of-body experiencer, and former associate of Robert Monroe (founder of the Monroe Institute),  says that physical existence is a virtual reality. The future is a yet unrealized array of multiple possibilities of everything that could happen. As to what does happen or is most likely, he says:

If a particular occurrence is determined to be an effective learning opportunity for someone or everyone, the probability of it happening is increased. The system is designed to automatically deliver timely custom-fit individual learning opportunities — the presentation of such opportunities to individuals or groups is part of the feedback one receives relative to the choices one makes. Because the point of the system is to overcome fear (about you – high entropy) and replace it with love (about others – low entropy), if you have fear, the feedback system will manifest that fear in PMR [physical reality] to force you to deal with it (learn) or suffer the consequences.”

If it is your soul’s intention, or the intention of the virtual reality system of which you are a part, to learn and to grow, well then, you will be provided with experiences to do just that. That does not mean that you will learn, but the opportunity is there to do so.

For example, years ago I realized that I was much too naive, and, consequently, trusted untrustworthy people. So I made a clear intention to learn the true, underlying nature of others, their motivations and personal, hidden agendas. Immediately after I made that my intention  I came across one pathological lier, manipulative, self-serving or conniving person (all with smiling faces and pleasant exterior personalities) after another. How could someone be outwardly nice and inwardly, not nice? Think of white collar criminals, con men, snake oil salesmen. But did I learn? Yes, I am more discerning today.

Even if you are a good, positive person, you can draw painful experiences in order for you (or someone else) to learn. Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people?

Here’s another example. About a decade ago, I found that a ‘friend’ and colleague had plagiarized a full eight pages of my stop smoking book. Now I have never plagiarized anyone so I did not deserve this on the basis of karma. In fact, I go out of my way to acknowledge sources. Nor was I focused on fear that someone might steal from me. In fact, I trusted this person as well as my other colleagues to behave differently. So I did not draw this experience on the level of my predominant thoughts (aka Law of Attraction).  I worked hard to do the research myself and the hard work of writing the book, and here comes someone who above all should not mistreat a friend, and a colleague and fellow presenter who above all should set a shining professional standard of behavior. Furthermore, we had just roomed together at a conference where we were both teaching, so this betrayal was a shock.

Yet in meditation, I was informed that it was a soul agreement–that if she did this (not predestined to happen), that I would be the one to confront her and help her to learn not to steal someone else’s intellectual property. But there was also something in it for me–I could learn to more powerfully to stand up for myself and establish better boundaries instead of letting things slide. This understanding enabled me to let go of the anger and to proceed to taking prompt, effective legal and other countermeasures even though it was very time-consuming to do so.

Pain is a great motivator

My original push to study psychology and many self-help modalities  was precisely to deal with and stop the stream of unpleasant ‘learning opportunities’ that life dished out. Of course, at the time, I did not perceive such events as an opportunity. But over time, I decided to use them as such. After all, I might as well get something good out of the experience. Why not salvage something out of the debris, right? As a result, that decision, repeated over and over again as new events showed up, was a powerful part of allowing me to mature and move with greater grace and ease through life. It also stopped some of those types of experiences happening again, or slowing me down in an emotional quagmire if they did.

Although only one factor among many, thoughts and emotions absolutely do impact upon what experiences show up and how they affect you. It is not always obvious, nor necessarily a direct correlation, nor necessarily immediate. But sooner or later, they build sufficient momentum to bring a harvest.

The collective mindset

Scientists are more and more talking about the morphogenetic field, and entanglement of consciousness.  This theory says that the consciousness of each of us is tied psychically to the larger whole of humanity. Your thoughts and emotions are added to my own and that this is what can attract a collective (common) experience.

While the humans may not appear to have the same kind of hive mind of a school of fish or swarming ants, it appears that collective human consciousness exists. My mindset is entangled with yours and yours is entangled with mine. Even where they are disagree, even when antithetical, on some level, they are felt, and that will influence our sense of ease or dis-ease, our individual mood, and our choices (congruent or reactive). The most powerful  effect will be felt with those with whom we are in rapport (friends and family), then with those in close association (neighbors, work associates), those with whom we identify, but ultimately with the larger humanity. The commonly held thoughts and emotions in any group, neighborhood, region, even nation can sometimes be felt. Think of any place where a tragedy has taken place like 9/11 or a mass celebration like Christmas, New Year’s Eve or the end of a war.

Applying the Law of Attraction to the Collective

Perhaps this newer scientific understanding of the morphogenetic field and entanglement can be joined with age-old spiritual awareness that you and your brother are one, that what you do to another, you also do to yourself. If we apply Campbell’s idea that we draw experiences collectively as well as individually to learn, and to move from fear to love, let’s learn as fast as we can to jointly experience a nicer, kinder world.

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.