Thought for the Day

Can a problem be a blessing in disguise?

Have you ever thought that the problem you had could have been much worse? That it happened in a way that was manageable, easy or possible to remedy?

For example, your car broke down in town during the daytime instead of miles away from home late at night in an isolated area?

Have you ever had a problem that actually protected you from a worse problem or even serious misfortune?

For example, a slow poke driver that was holding up traffic and making you late for work actually prevented you from getting in the middle of the major car pile up ahead? Or finding out in time to be treated about a hidden but potential major health problem brewing only because you went to the doctor about a minor issue?

Here is a true story about someone I know. Nelson was very upset about being fired on a Friday along with 40 other people in his department. But on the following Tuesday, he realized how lucky he was because all those not fired died. Nelson worked in the World Trade Center. The date was 9/11.

Have you ever had one door close that led you to finding and opening a better one?

Losing a job that you really didn’t like can be precisely the kick in the butt to move you into pursuing your dreams. Carolyn, a singer colleague, was very upset about being let go from a regional opera company. It wasn’t only that they had promised her job security, but justified firing her anyway by insulting her saying that she had a wobble in her voice that didn’t blend in with the other singers. My friend used her anger to get busy with her voice teacher and coach to retool her audition material. As a result, she got hired full-time at twice her previous salary at the best opera company in the country – the Metropolitan Opera.

Years ago I was pushed out of one office by a New Age bookstore owner below me that tried very overtly to take over my business. This incentivized me to find another location, and I ended up with something much closer to home, bigger, more beautiful and with free parking – for the same amount of rent. My students and clients loved it! But I never would have found it if the store owner had not been telling my clientele that I had moved out of the building and he was taking over my business!

Another friend was awoken by her cat only to find out that the house was on fire. The damage caused both by the fire and water to put it out was extensive. But it led to a complete, beautiful renovation, new furniture, new wardrobes for everyone in the family that was financially possible only because of the insurance money.

Walking away from a relationship full of issues can lead to pursuing a much better relationship now armed with greater discernment, greater awareness of what you want and need, and the knowledge to avoid future problems. I was married but putting up with lots of things that bothered me greatly. Then my husband did the one thing that I could not tolerate. And that allowed me to leave and have a better life.

Historically crop failures, poverty or economic collapse, political upheavals, religious persecution, floods, droughts, natural disasters and war has pushed people to move out of their comfort zone to start another new and better life somewhere else. America was built on immigrants moving to solve their problems.

Can you think of how some of your problems led to something better?

Did they push you to grow?

What did you learn from them that helped you later on?

The Shadow Knows!

I don’t understand it–he was such a nice guy!

Many times we hear of someone that went ballistic, going on a rampage that resulted in hurting or killing others. Tension that had been building up within them for years with no way to regularly and safely escape finally exploded and went terribly wrong precisely because it had been denied so long. Perhaps the individual had been subjected to tremendous abuse while not being allowed to express his own anger or defend himself. Perhaps despite being grossly mistreated, he was nonetheless pressured to  ‘be nice’, polite, reasonable, accommodating or pleasing when no one was showing the same towards him. And then under stress came the ‘one too many’ times he felt mistreated, and the facade dropped and his rage let loose.

Finding your Shadow.

Whatever is unhealed, especially those unacknowledged hidden and denied aspects called the “Shadow”, has a nasty habit of cropping up in inappropriate, exaggerated emotional reactions and behaviors that sabotage not only one’s peace of mind, relationships, both personal and professional, but cause conflict in society as a whole. Shadow issues, precisely because they are hidden or denied, resist resolution.

Triggers are a gift!

Your Shadow and unhealed wounds are revealed by the things that trigger you. As such, recognizing your triggers is enormously helpful to identify precisely where your energies are stuck, and where you still have work to do no matter how much time has elapsed and despite how much work you have already done to resolve negative repeating patterns. Armed with that knowledge, you can now focus precisely where you need to finally free yourself of such issues. 

Healing and Reclaiming Hidden Parts of the Self

When you judge someone as stupid, or as a loser, irresponsible or lazy, consider that somewhere deep inside you are judging yourself as the same and that is precisely why you hate that personthey are your mirror!

If you can uncover, forgive and accept both your conscious and unconscious negative self-judgments, you will be more tolerant of others as you acknowledge your common humanity. This leads to better relationships in all areas of life.

The Shadow indicates what you repress, what you do not allow yourself to admit or express. Start with a willingness to look at yourself honestly. Regardless of what you uncover, you are still worthy of love. You still have phenomenal worth as a human being. The shame is not in being where you are right now, but in being unwilling to learn or grow, to try to do better. All of us starts off pooping in our pants and sucking our thumbs. But eventually if we take responsibility for how we are acting, we learn, heal and grow more and more into our infinite potential as a human being.

What is hidden, denied or suppressed is not all bad!

The Shadow holds both light and dark aspects of the self. It can hide wonderful things that are denied or suppressed because they are considered not practical, not lucrative, or thought undesirable by your family, group, religion or social class. Such denied positive aspects can include your talents and unique gifts, power, brilliance, earthy, and sexual or raw energy that gives you passion and zest for life.

There is a time and place for everything!

Hidden within the Shadow can be a ferocious, angry Mama Bear that protects her cubs, or a frightening Warlord that scares away the enemies that are endangering the tribe. The Dragon draws a line in the sand over which someone else dare not cross. The Bitch doesn’t put up with bullshit or mince words with manipulative, exploitative people. The Witch uses energy, visualizations, and intent to manifest desired outcomes. The trick is in knowing when and where to give expression to the Shadow. Giving the Shadow archetypes appropriate expression heals them.

“I recognize and forgive in myself what irritates me about you.” 

Decades ago, hypnosis colleague Doreen Virtue taught me the above phrase. As I repeated this sentence and thought about someone’s offensive nature or behavior, I was able to recognize the same traits or behavior within myself. I saw that I once acted the same way or I had wanted to. I saw my shadow in the other person. As a result of using this sentence, I found myself becoming less judgmental, less rigid, and more forgiving of others even while trying to maintain my own standards for myself.

Using the Hawaiian Practice of Ho’Oponopono

Another exercise that has helped me to both recognize and heal my Shadow is how I have adapted Dr. Hew Len’s 4 Steps: “I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.” Psychologist Dr. Len repeated these four phrases over and over while holding the case records of the inmates that were incarcerated in a special ward for the criminally insane at Hawaii’s state hospital. His diligent practice had such a powerful therapeutic effect upon the inmates that within four years the ward closed because it was no longer needed. The inmates had so rapidly improved that they were moved into halfway houses or able to re-enter the general community.

My Version of Ho’Oponopono

“I am sorry for whatever is within me, my relatives or ancestors in this or any other lifetime that attracted, allowed, caused or contributed to this ___ (illness, condition, state, feeling, tendency, behavior, situation, problem, event, experience, or issue) in any way.

Please forgive me. Please forgive all of us. Please correct any erroneous thoughts in my consciousness and/or our shared consciousness that is at all responsible.

Thank you for bringing to my attention what needs to heal within myself. (Addressed to God:) Thank you for bringing love, healing, harmony and balance into this for the highest good of all. Thank you for healing any resonance with the problem within myself, and correcting any errors in my consciousness and humanity’s shared consciousness.

I love you, ____ (my own name, my name for the Divine). I love you ____ (name of other person) in that I recognize our common humanity.”

Copyright by Roxanne Louise, 2022. However, this article may be shared in free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to and  are included with the content.