How You Talk (or think) About Your Problems Can Make Things Worse!

As you already know, it is important to recognize a problem honestly before you can fix it.  No matter how offensive to your self-esteem, it has to be admitted first. The key issues around it, the causative factors can then be examined and rectified. Identify what you are getting that you don’t want, and what you are not getting that you do want. Then come up with a strategy, action plan, and resources to deal with it.

However, in both thinking about the problem and hashing it out with others, you can sometimes make matters worse. Why?

  • The Law of Attraction

This postulates that whatever you think about increases. If you focus on problems and the obstacles to deal with them, they grow bigger in size. This tends to drain your energy, making you depressed and feeling powerless or insufficient to deal with it. This can lead to procrastination and less likely to deal with it effectively, if at all.

But this principle also gives us the cure

  • Focus instead on solution or at least on a step in that direction. If you don’t know, ask

“How can I ___?”

 “If it could work, how would it work?”

  • Dwell on your desired end result with a belief or a decision that one way or another you are going to solve it.

fullsizeoutput_2cFor example, “There is a part of me knows how I can address this ___ (situation/problem), and that part is doing so now in a way in which I am really pleased.”

  • Do NOT identify with the problem

Whatever you say after the words “I am ___,” reinforces your identify with the problem. It is a message to your unconscious mind to continue to have it.

Here I take issue with Alcoholics Anonymous and similar groups that starts off with a speaker giving his name and then saying “I’m an alcoholic.” It would be much better to say “I am clean and sober”(or “becoming”, “learning to be”, “committed to being”, “committed to staying clean and sober”) .

While it is vital to cut through the denial by admitting that you have a problem, it is also vital to detach your ego from it. Identify with your spiritual core, your positive strengths and essential worthiness. This is important because

You tend to act congruent with your identify. 

Mantras and affirmations can help. My favorite one is

“I’m a powerful, spiritual being endowed with dignity, direction and purpose.     I have something of value to offer.”

  • Do NOT associate or identify with other people who still have the same problem or are worse than you.

Another principle is the Law of Association. This states that you tend to become like the people with whom you associate. This happens on an unconscious level. You tend to perceive yourself similarly as them, and talk in ways that reinforce that image. Again, you will tend to act congruent with your identity.

In the therapy field,  this then becomes tricky because you want people who understand what you are dealing with, and you want the advice/guidance/encouragement of those that have worked through those problems.

But the key here is how much of your time is with people still stuck as opposed to being with positive role models — people that you admire and respect that either never had that problem or no longer have it.

If you are in a support group, identify with people that have overcome the problem or at least way further ahead than you are.

Also identify with those who do not need a support group because they do not have and never did have the problem and are living in a way that you admire and want for yourself. Always maintain a foothold in the world free of that issue. You are unconsciously affected by your associates.

After college, my first job was as a Caseworker with the City of New York. I felt that caseworkers should live among their clients so as to better understand/relate to them. So I moved to the edge of ‘my beat’–the slum in which my clients lived. However, after only a few months, I noticed that I had stopped seeing the ugliness around me. I was beginning to accept and expect to see the distortions from healthy living/thinking/being that were all around me. Because I saw that I was becoming negatively impacted, I had to move back to the suburbs where there was the beauty of nature and wholesome friends. It was from this place of balance that I could best help others.

Your unconscious mind will tap into whatever your close associates know: how they think, feel and act that makes them that way. This will help or hurt you depending upon who they are, their values, habits, etc. Identifying with others on your same or worse level of struggle will reinforce more of your same issues and a sense of being stuck as a victim, as someone never quite making it.

This is tricky if your primary friends and associates are all in a 12-Step program or support group. Truly healing and growing out of the need for such support then threatens you with loss of social network. While staying inside the group has the advantage of keeping you vigilant of traps, and it offers an valuable opportunity to help others, it can also keep some of the struggle alive by continuously focusing on struggle. In my opinion, there comes a time when people should move on.

  • Do NOT state the problem in the present tense 

Problems have to be stated in past tense, not present, or they reinforce the problem. Then the desired positive opposite must be verbalized in present tense.

For example, “I’ve had or been having a problem with____. And what I want now is ___ .”(the positive thing).

For example, a client may tell me that he is tense. If I ask him what he wants instead, he usually will reply that he wants to be not tense. Unfortunately, that still calls up an mental image of being tense and struggling against it. I then have to clarify that what he really wants is to be calm and relaxed and ask him to imagine that instead.

The mighty ‘yet’

When I have a client tell me “I can’t ___”, I reply with the word ‘yet.’ This implies that while they haven’t been able to do ___, it is only a matter of time before they figure it out. This is a very important point to remember. Think of all the things that you couldn’t do once upon a time –walk, talk, read, write, drive a bike and later a car, operate a computer — the list is endless. Some things you learned were easier than others. Some were hard, but you learned, perhaps even mastering the problem, nonetheless. All it takes is a decision–making it a priority to do it.

Other possible solutions

  • Respond to a problem as if it is an interesting, exciting challenge and commit to solving it. Make a decision to do so.
  • Respond with a sense of wonder about causation or solution:
    • “I wonder why ___ happens?”
    • “I wonder what caused this?”
    • “I wonder if I ____ , if that would be helpful?”
    • “What could I have done differently to have gotten a better result?”
    • “What positive things can I learn from this so I experience ____ instead?”
    • “How would ____ (your positive role model) handle this?”
    • “Can I set up a strategy or protocol that would help me to get what I want instead?”
    • Or, my favorite, “If it could work, how would it work?”

The moment you translate a problem into a puzzle or interesting challenge, you will be energized instead of depleted. This can lead to a  search that brings vitality and meaning to your life that benefits the world with new inventions, therapies, strategies, etc.



If you want to know how the unconscious mind works and the many “laws of mind”, or you want to learn how to say things in a way that can only be helpful and only helpful both for yourself and others, read Your Unlimited Potential, a complete self-hypnosis book and introduction to professional hypnotherapy. This is critically important information for everyone. Learn to use your mind and the power of suggestion to make life go smoother!

Copyright 2015, but updated 6/2018 by Roxanne Louise. This article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to and  are included with the content.




Imagery and Healing

Visualizations are powerful ways to communicate internally with the inner mind.  They act as instructions or blueprint for the subconscious mind (that part responsible for our habits, emotions, memories, and all of our body functions) to follow. Images of health or the healing process can assist the body to heal. They communicate “do whatever you need to do to make this happen.”

However, imagining the problem especially with all the upset related to that problem, acts in reverse to what is desired. Also, because we are telepathically connected to others, especially to our friends and family, even our unspoken thoughts and feelings about them can negatively effect them as well.

How can you visualize to only get the desired result?

Create mental pictures showing how to rectify the perceived malfunction or problem.

The images can be symbolic. For example, if there is a broken bone, you might imagine knitting the broken parts together. If there is blockage somewhere, imagine a clean up crew going in and scrubbing the walls of any debris and hosing it safely away, or perhaps imagine a road crew removing the obstruction. If a stroke has occurred, imagine linemen running new electrical lines to get the service through, or policemen redirecting traffic around the flooded area.

Imagery can be broken down to two types: process and end-result.

Any time you think of your illness or condition immediately imagine yourself as either in process of healing or as already healed at some time in the future.

Visual images and emotion are the language of the inner mind. Your inner or subconscious mind controls all of your body functions including your immune response and healing abilities, your habits, memory, creativity, automatic pilot, psychic abilities, and emotions. Imaging is very important in healing. The emotions amplify and drive the image deep into the unconscious mind.

Gerald Epstein, M.D. points out in his book Healing Visualizations, Creating Health Through Imagery, that visualizations have been used for healing in Tibet, India, Africa, Eskimos, American Indians, and ancient Egypt. It was “an essential technique and sometimes the essential medical treatment for physical ailments, until approximately 1650, when natural science and modern medical thinking began to assume dominance.”

Visualizations for healing purposes should be done frequently (minimally three times daily) until results are obtained. Epstein recommends once before breakfast, once after work, and once before bed. He further recommends doing it for 21 days, resting for seven days, then repeating cycles.

What about doubt?

Healing imagery must be free of doubt. Hypnotists have a saying “doubt cancels out.” If you don’t really know if you can heal or solve that problem, ask yourself:

What it would look like if I could heal or solve that problem?

And if I did, how would I feel about it?

Adopt an attitude of wonder. I like the question I adopted from urban redeveloper, James Rouse:

If it could work, how would it work?

Process Imaging

This creates a picture in the mind of the next phase of the healing process. This is particularly appropriate if you are suffering from a gradual, debilitating illness, or an accident that will go through various healing stages.

For example, a person with a broken leg, ankle sprain, or knee or hip replacement, may visualize being able to stand and place his weight on both feet. After that is accomplished, the patient may visualize being able to walk a few steps with a walker, then a cane, being able to walk unaided, and finally running, dancing, playing tennis–any activity the patient enjoyed before the problem.

A person with slow, debilitating condition may imagine the illness reversing itself. What was the last thing he could do? Have him imagine that. Later imagine the step before that one, etc. This may well be more believable than going for the end result imagery.

End Result Imaging

Image yourself (or the patient) being totally healed and doing those things with comfort and joy that was once enjoyed. To do end result imaging, the patient must believe that it is possible. If not, do the next step in healing that you or the patient can imagine comfortably.

Best Time for Healing Visualizations and Prayer

The best time to do this for your own healing is as the last thought before sleep. This thought will dominate the mind until morning. Repeat upon arising because it will set the tone for the entire day.

According to Larry Dossey in his book Healing Words, the best window of opportunity to effect physical change through imagery and prayer is before medical viewing or tests such as X-rays, cat-scans, etc.

Physicists have found that the investigator cannot be removed from the experiment, and that sub-atomic particles (the real origin of disease) can show up either as a particle (mass) or a wave (energy) before viewing. They tend to show up according to the beliefs/ expectations of the investigator.

Before the test, there is malleability.

After the test, the looking, observing and interpreting fixes the event.

20170928 R3cover.jpg      This information was taken from Reiki–Path to Transformation, Volume 3, Mind-Body Healing  by Roxanne Louise. See for further information.

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to and  are included with the content.

CBS News Investigative Journalist Explains How Mainstream Media Brainwashes The Masses


Your perception of the facts or truth about anything dictates your actions (or inaction). It determines not just the  governmental policies you support and vote for and finance (or not), but it also has huge ramifications on you, your diet, health and life in general and that of your offspring. That perception is heavily influenced by the media, marketing, and so-called ‘experts’. If you are old enough, you might have noticed how the ‘facts’ seem to run more in 10 year cycles or fads even if touted by those very ‘experts’  we are told to trust.

Years ago we believed in ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’. Now we are told that spanking is child abuse. Regarding diet, we were told that margarine was better than butter, that high fat foods such as eggs were bad and that low fat diets were better, that diet sodas, sugar substitutes and diet foods were a healthy alternatives. Turns out this is untrue. Just look at all the conflicting ‘facts’ by weight loss doctors and you will be hopelessly confused.

On medical treatments, we are still being told that chemotherapy and radiation saves the lives of cancer victims even though there are now also studies that both treatments cause a reoccurrence of a more virulent cancer and shorten lifespan. Child vaccinations are still touted as safe and necessary despite growing evidence of dangers.  Fluoride is still in the drinking water, toothpaste, and recommended in dental treatments despite being banned in other countries as a carcinogen.

How do you separate what is true from what is spin, propaganda, or marketing under the disguise of science or medicine?


One way to uncover spin is to look at who is financially behind the research. Does the expert have something to gain from the touted opinion? Does the expert have an agenda separate from your own true wellbeing? 

Another is to look to see if the ‘experts’ are willing to examine opposing evidence or not, or just quick to attack it. 


As you will hear in this valuable 10 minute TED Talk are warning signs that the information you hear is brainwashing or “astroturf” (spin by special interests):

  • Use of inflammatory language such as ‘prank, quack, nutty, lies, pseudo, conspiracy’
  • Claim to debunk myths that aren’t myths at all
  • Attacking an issue instead of addressing the facts
  • Focusing on those exposing wrongdoing instead of examining the wrongdoers themselves
  • Question those who question authority instead of questioning the authority