Releasing Anger Example

Applying what you know (or think you do!)

This is a rewrite of an article originally written and posted July 9, 2017

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The bad news is that when you write a book on anything, especially mine entitled Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone, the time of sustained focus required to write a book may bring about an experience to apply what you know (or think you do).

(Don’t you just love the Law of Attraction!)

The good news is that you do know (or should know) something to harness that energy constructively and then move it out of your system more quickly than you did in the past.

Think of it as the universe giving you AN EXAM. 

Here is an OPPORTUNITY to prove:

  • Do you know what you are talking about?
  • Or have you just been spouting nice sounding platitudes, airy-fairy nothings, intellectual but useless, impractical, untested, unproven ideas and information? 
  • Do your techniques actually work and make a positive difference?
  • Is there more yet to learn?
  • How can you set things up to avoid similar problems in the future?

So on June 29, 2017, a tenant, as she was moving out of my house, left water running in the upstairs bathroom. Gallons of water poured down from the second floor to the first floor living room, and down to the basement below. Rugs including a large Oriental, a mattress, books, furniture and other things got wet. Almost half of the living room ceiling had to be replaced, and as repairs were later made, drywall dust was everywhere. Most everything  had to be boxed up and moved out of the living room along with the furniture.

Likewise, two basement rooms were disrupted in order to mop up the water and get things out of harm’s way. So not only was my living room unusable for more than a month but so was the dining room and hall, and those two basement rooms as well. 

Immediately taking a long view of the problem, I knew that regardless of how much time, energy, work and out-of pocket expense would be involved, regardless of the bad timing and other demands upon me both health wise and financially, the problem would be eventually fixed, and the house would be restored to it’s former beauty. In other words, the problem was temporary. That tenant is now fully gone from my house, and I have a new, wonderful person living here. I had workmen who would help me clean up the mess.

fullsizeoutput_2cI knew that I needed to harness the anger into constructive action. So I called the appropriate people to get the help and advice I needed, and start and supervise the work.

In the meantime, I did a lot of the Infinite Intelligence Process that I wrote about in my book Accessing More to both dump stress and access my internal guidance and wisdom within.

I did EFT tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique), dowsing for emotional healing, and meditation because I did not want the anger to poison me or cause my health to further deteriorate. Plus, I wanted any and all possible contributory factors resolved.

I also did not want to project my anger back to my former tenant as it would then be a curse on her head. Because I believe that we are all connected, the corollary is that what I send out comes back to me.

To help shift my attention, I focused on what I had to be grateful for. What was left? What was good? 

  • Well, certainly the damage could have been much worse.
    • Luckily, I was only away from the house for an hour. Many other precious items in my living room and basement were not ruined even if some got wet, but would have been otherwise.
  • Help was immediately available. 
    • Two farm workers were here that day who immediately came in and helped move furniture, mop up the water, take the worst of the ceiling down, and set up fans to dry everything out to lessen the chance of mold.
    • I quickly located and hired a drywall laborer to reinstall new sheetrock and to paint.
    • A friend put me in touch with a cleaning lady who came after the ceiling was repaired. She helped me take down, wash and rehang all curtains in the living and dining room, wash, dust and vacuum everything on the ground floor and upstairs hallway. The net result was that I ended up with a much cleaner house.
    • My insurance agent came quickly, and although I did not file a claim for various reasons, I got the information I needed. 

Throughout the process, I asked myself:

  • What could I learn and how could I grow from this experience?
  • How I could prevent something like this happening in the future?
  • What I might have done differently that might have prevented it?

In other words, I was actively looking to pull a blessing out of the experience. 

To get all my anger and everything off of my chest I wrote a letter to my tenant. But after writing and rewriting it, I read it to a close friend who is also a lawyer for her input. What upset me most was that my tenant took no responsibility for her actions. Instead she was just blaming me. I felt it necessary that she understand the ramifications of her negligence so she be more careful elsewhere. This stopped the imaginary conversations of what I wished I said to her from continuing to loop in my head.

I learned long ago that:

  1. writing letters that you do not send acts as if you did. It allows you to get everything off of your chest as if you really did say what you wanted to say to them.
  2. pause before sending anything in writing, and then only if you must. Less is better. The written word lasts forever, where spoken ones are quickly forgotten.
  3. Groaning over damage done and what cannot therefore be changed (what’s done is done) is a waste of precious energy. You need to conserve that energy in order to stay healthy and to address the problem.
  4. Complaining to people who cannot help you is an immediate, very short term vent, but counterproductive otherwise.

In fact, complaining or venting beyond the immediate time frame can just be a

  • ploy for sympathy as the ‘victim‘.
  • It can be revenge by getting other people to hate your adversary as well.
  • It can be a substitute for any real action–an excuse not to do anything.
  • It can be justification for your own mistakes and
  • avoidance of any responsibility for what happened, and
  • avoidance of the need to change personally.

Best to talk only to those that can offer some good information and advice while remaining detached emotionally from your issue. And then listen with an open mind.

Only clear eyed, detached processing of everything that happened and why without jumping to attaching blame is helpful. Then accept what can not be changed, create an action plan, and get to work immediately. As you see progress, the quicker your rage will die down.

Personally, I would have loved to had someone just hold me. But since I don’t have a partner, I grabbed a cat and snuggled with him. I sat with my piggies. I hugged my dogs. I looked up at the sky. I picked up and talked to the toads. I noticed some of the abundant sweetness that is on my farm. I remembered that I am loved, that I have meaning and purpose in this world, that this is a beautiful place, and I am choosing to be alive and present. 

At other times and places, I may have made love, watched funny movies, gone dancing or done something nice with friends just to discharge energy and regroup. But what is important is that you actively do something.

There is always something still left to enjoy and appreciate—even a memory to lift your spirit. 

  • Did I pass? I think so.
  • Will I do things differently in future? Absolutely!
  • Will I forget the lessons? No.
  • Can what I learned help someone else? Yes, I know so.

Copyright 8/2018 by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com are included with the content.

Civilizing Children to Civilize the World!

During times of staying with my son and family, and from the safe perspective of being a grandparent, I have watched my grandchildren from infancy to their current ages of 10, 7 and 5. I have witnessed how these children and their playmates learn to get what they want and how they deal with frustration and anger when they don’t. I have observed the efforts of my son and his wife as well as other parents of young children in curbing the aggressive, greedy, self-serving tendencies of their offspring. I have seen a progression of the parents struggling with telling their children: “no”, “don’t touch”, “don’t hit your brother/sister”, “you have to share”, “wait your turn”, “put your toys away”, “clean up your own mess”, “you’re in ‘time-out until you learn ___“, etc.  And I have reflected that all of this has interesting parallels to adult life and the world of politics.

A child’s first instinct is to grab for whatever they want whether it is good for them or not, whether it belongs to someone else, whether in grabbing it, it will be destroyed for everyone including themselves, or whether in doing it/taking it, it will be dangerous both for themselves and others. If they want it, they want it and go after it without much thought to consequences.

If they don’t succeed in getting what they want, or if another child wants it too, there can be a fight, a grab and run, a temper tantrum, or a lot of crying. There can be a real hissy fit–“if I can’t have what I want, then I am going to destroy whatever is nearby.” Or here is one also prevalent amongst grownups in neighborhood subdivisions: “If I can’t have it/do it, I am going to make sure you can’t either.”

I watched one child spend a lot of time building a very elaborate lego structure when a younger sibling innocently or without any thought took away a piece of the tower his older brother just built, whereupon the first child was so upset that he destroyed his own creation. I have witnessed the children lie about their wrongdoing to avoid punishment, maintain parental approval, or avoid diminishment of their own ego. I have also witnessed them trying to shift blame for their misdeeds onto a sibling. I have watched one child repeatedly trying to play off one parent with another–the classic divide and conquer strategy that is being used in identity politics today on both national and global levels. “If I can get those people to fight, they will be so busy that I’ll avoid punishment and get what I want.”

On the other hand, I have also noticed random acts of kindness, compassion, loving acts. I have seen one sibling sticking up for another, and fighting against perceived injustice.

But in the face of such aggressive and greedy natural proclivities, and surrounded by so much violence in movies, video games, and our culture, can parents really teach children to outgrow such tendencies to become adults that really think through the consequences of their actions, and to be able to avoid war and instead cooperate to solve the massive problems we face as a species?

The World Peace Game

Yesterday, I watched a documentary “World Peace and Other 4th Grade Achievements” on what one Charlottesville, Virginia teacher, Mr. John Hunter, is doing to teach children to think through dealing with the tough challenges of life. He does this through a game he designed 40 years ago called World Peace. Instead of attempting to protect children from the harsh realities of life (as if you really could), this game teaches children the importance of thinking through the consequences of their actions rather than just screaming in protest, rushing to attack, or retreating in fear. While teaching the importance of protecting and looking out for the common good of their ‘country’ and preserving their own resources, this five-day game also teaches negotiating skills, forming alliances to come together to solve common problems, the real cost of war and the value of finding other less costly and bloody solutions. 

In the film this award-winning educator and his 4th Grade students at Venable School in Charlottesville participate in an educational exercise he developed called “The World Peace Game,” now offered in 33 countries around the world. The film follows these nine- and ten-year-old students as they assume roles as world leaders responding to an ongoing series of real world military, economic, and environmental crises.

I recommend watching Hunter’s TED talk here: https://www.ted.com/talks/john_hunter_on_the_world_peace_game#t-302954

Other interviews and articles including how children can go through the game or how teachers can take the training to offer it themselves are on his website at http://worldpeacegame.org

See also an interview with Temple here. John Hunter also spoke this year at Unity Church, Charlottesville in their Jan.14th Sunday service. You can listen to it here https://www.unitycville.org/podcast

 

 

Using Humor to Defuse Anger!

Unless you’re a psychopath, you are not going to kill somebody while you are laughing. And when you are done laughing, the original anger that made you want to kill, will have almost certainly lessened or be gone. Humor lessens tension so that better communication or constructive action can take place. So use humor to defuse!

Years ago when my son was a teenager and giving me a lot of ‘lip’, we had lots of arguments. I was completely frustrated, and constantly upset by his defiance. On this particular occasion, we (my husband, son and myself) were at the dinner table when my son started in. I was just about to serve the mashed potatoes. The big spoon with a heaping amount of vegetable was in my hand ready to dish out. Something in me clicked, and I pulled back on the spoon and catapulted it’s contents into my son’t face. My son responded by dipping his bare hand into the mashed potatoes and dumping them on top of my head. With that, my husband leapt up yelling “food fight!” And the fight was ON! All three of us threw mashed potatoes, pillows, anything non-breakable and non dangerous at one another, running all over the house.

IT WAS WONDERFUL!

It turned out to be the best thing we did because it totally cleared the air of tension between my son and I that had been building since I remarried. While we had to redecorate the hallway afterwards, that was no loss as the wallpaper was 50 years old and needed to go. My coat, which someone had used as a shield, also suffered, and had to go to the dry cleaner. But otherwise, everything else was fine.

At a later time, when my marriage was ending, I was extremely depressed (depression is the flip side of anger).  At the office and unable to concentrate on doing any work, I wandered next door to a neighbor’s office. Finding him alone, I asked him to tell me a joke because I badly needed to laugh. He remembered one, we both laughed, and I proceeded to someone else’s office. “I have a joke for you,” I said. I repeated the joke, laughed again, and asked him to tell me one. With this, I continued down the hall, repeating each of the jokes I learned and asking for more. Each time I told or heard one, I laughed and they laughed. This went on for weeks. The entire floor became engaged in joke telling and it boosted the spirits for us all.

Humor can be a healthy way of coping with strong emotions such as anger, depression, frustration and emotional pain. It allows you to keep your sanity so you can survive whatever is going on. The laughter brings oxygen to your brain so that you can think more clearly. As tension is released, it allows you to become more rational and make better decisions and to take constructive action.

At an earlier time and another divorce, my son (then in grade school) and I both had a lot of anger at his step-father, who had not only been emotionally abusive to us both, but had been physically rough with my son. My son truly hated this man and was prepared to hurt him if he came back into the house. So I had him play mental games with me of what practical jokes we could play on this man – things that would be an affront to his dignity, but not physically hurt him in any way.

For example, we would imagine giant birds or animals flying overhead and pooping on him, or sending dog too-doo to him in the mail, etc. We would imagine him as animal/bird/critter, and come up with insulting but funny names to call him. These mental games helped him, and are similar to a Neural Linguistic Programming technique called ‘Carnival’. I have written several visualizations to turn anger into humor in Chapter 6 my self-hypnosis course book, Your Unlimited Potential (see link here).

When things are really tough, sometimes the only thing you can do is to laugh. And if you are able to laugh on a regular basis, you probably will not get so angry or as often. So look for the funny side of things!

0  In 2017 I presented a seminar on Using Humor to Defuse Anger in Your Practice. And on Monday, November 5, 2018 I also will be giving a full-day workshop on Anger Management Certification Course at this year’s National Association of Transpersonal Hypnotherapists Conference in Virginia Beach, Virginia.. See NATH.world for information as the time gets closer.

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

Help Yourself & Others Release Anger without Killing Anyone!

Have you ever thought of ANGER AS OPPORTUNITY? or TEACHER? or MOTIVATOR? or CHOICE?

Understanding the underlying dynamics of your upset helps you to harness anger so it actually accomplishes some good and, hopefully, does no harm to you or others.

Over a lifetime, I have had the ‘opportunity and motivation’ pushing me to learn something about unconscious forces, and mental and emotional healing.
“Necessity is the Mother of invention.” 
Some of what I have learned has been compiled in a 154 page content rich manual, Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone, to assist you personally, and to assist you to help others. Whether you are a spouse, parent, employer, employee, mental health practitioner, I feel strongly that there is something in this book for you that can assist to make your conversations more productive, your relationships more harmonious, your life more effective, your sleep more restful and your health improved, all leading to overall greater inner resources and peace of mind. I know that this information works because I use it regularly to help myself, my friends, my clients and students.
0 
While you can learn all of this information right out of the book and teach it to others, you  also have the opportunity of spending a full day with me in Virginia Beach, Virginia on Wednesday, November 8 at the National Association of Transpersonal Hypnotherapists 22nd Annual Conference. For information, see www.NATH.world. This would allow you to have all of your questions answered on how to apply it to various situations, do lots of practical exercises, and learn new skills and therapeutic interventions.

This is some of what the book covers and that will be dealt with in depth in the workshop.

  • Become aware of underlying beliefs, judgments, faulty assumptions or perceptions that cause anger!
  • Learn more effective communication skills to both avoid unnecessary problems and to address the ones you have!
  • Learn to maintain and regain balance and perspective quickly!
  • Set better boundaries!
  • Learn to fight clean and stop conversations from spiraling downwards!
  • Learn more effective coping skills!
  • Take effective action without the baggage of the past!
  • Use anger to grow in maturity and cast off leftovers of childhood!
  • Allow anger to locate and address your own unhealed wounds!
  • Understand the underlying dynamics of anger!
  • Learn to deal with what is instead of wasting precious energy in resistance!
  • Notice negative patterns and screw them up!
  • Understand and dissolve triggers!
  • Nip anger in the bud by noticing and taking action at the first warning signs!
  • Understand physical reasons for anger so you can address them!
  • Use anger as motivation for much needed healing and change!
  • Make your adversaries help you!
  • Learn the benefits of anger
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TEACH RIGHT OUT OF THE BOOK!

Releasing Anger – example

A Practical Application

The bad news is that when you write a book on Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone, the focus required to write a book may bring about an experience to apply what you know (or think you do). The good news is that you do know something to harness that energy constructively and then move it out of your system more quickly than you did in the past. Think of it as an exam. Do you know what you are talking about or not? Is it just an intellectual or a practical knowing? Is there more yet to learn?

So one week ago a tenant, as she was moving out of my house, left water running. Gallons of water poured down from the second floor bathroom to the first floor living room, and down to the basement below. Rugs, a mattress, books, furniture and other things got wet. Now almost half of the living room ceiling has to be replaced, drywall dust is everywhere. And as much as possible things were boxed up and moved out of the living room along with the furniture. Likewise, two basement rooms were disrupted in order to mop up the water, and get things out of harm’s way. So not only is my living room unusable but so is the dining room and hall, and those two basement rooms as well. 

Immediately taking a long view of the problem, I knew that regardless of how much time, energy, work and out-of pocket expense would be involved, regardless of the bad timing and other demands upon me both health wise and financially, the problem would be eventually fixed, and the house would be restored to it’s former beauty. In other words, the problem was temporary. That tenant is now fully gone from my house, and I have a new, wonderful person living here and other workmen helping me clean up the mess.

I knew that I needed to harness the anger into constructive action. So I called people to get the help and advice I needed, and start or supervise the work. I did a lot of the Infinite Intelligence Process to both dump stress and access the wisdom within. I did EFT tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique), dowsing for emotional healing, and meditation because I did not want the anger to poison me or cause me to get more sick. I wanted any possible contributory factors healed. And I also did not want to project my anger back to my former tenant as it would then be a curse on her head. And because I believe that we are all connected, what I send out comes back to me.

I focused on what I had to be grateful for. I asked myself what I could learn and grow from this experience, how I could prevent something like this happening in the future, and what I might have done differently that could have (but not necessarily would have) prevented the damage occurring. In other words, I was actively looking to pull a blessing out of the experience. 

Then I wrote a letter to my tenant to get everything off of my chest because she took no responsibility for her actions and was instead blaming me. I felt it necessary that she understand the ramifications of her negligence so she is more careful elsewhere. This stopped the conversations looping in my head.

I hired someone to repair the damage and then paint the entire living room ceiling. I found someone to clean when the construction and painting are done. And I am getting a record of expenses in case I go to court to collect damages. In other words, I did everything I could. Now, it is just a matter of getting the work completed. 

I learned long ago that groaning over damage done is a waste of precious energy that you need to stay healthy and address the problem. Complaining to people who cannot help you is one thing as an immediate, very short vent, but counterproductive otherwise. Best to talk only to those that can offer some good information and advice. Blaming her or blaming myself wasn’t going to be helpful. Using the problem as an excuse for not doing something else would also be counterproductive.

I would have loved to had someone just hold me. But since I don’t have a partner, I grabbed a cat and snuggled with him. I sat with my piggies. I hugged my dogs. I looked up at the sky. I picked up and talked to the toads. I noticed some of the abundant sweetness that is on my farm. I remembered that I am loved, that I have meaning and purpose in this world, that this is a beautiful place, and I am choosing to be alive and present. 

At other times and places, I may have made love, watched funny movies, gone dancing or done something nice with friends just to discharge energy and regroup. But what is important is that you actively do something. There is always something still left to enjoy and appreciate—even a memory to lift your spirit. 

Did I pass? I think so. Will I do things differently in future? Yes. Will I forget the lessons? No. Can what I learned help someone else? Yes, I think so.

PUBLISHED: Releasing Anger without Killing Anyone!

Just Published!!!!

beartoons-anger    Cartoon citation: beartoons.com

Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone!

by Roxanne Louise

An entire Anger Management Course!

Teach right out of the book!

Use it to help yourself! Use it to help others! 

A jam-packed guide on how to:

√ Turn anger into a blessing! 

√ Shift anger into constructive action! 

√ Use your challenges to improve yourself, your business, relationships & your life!

    • Understand the underlying dynamics! 
    • Change how you look at things so that they don’t bother you nearly as much! 
    • Make your enemies & problems help you! 
    • Harness anger as motivation to heal & make much needed change! 
    • Communicate more effectively! 
    • Fight clean! 
    • Stop conversations from spiraling downwards! 
    • Notice negative patterns & screw them up! 
    • Take effective action without the baggage!
    • Enjoy your life despite the crap!

Jam Packed Tips, Strategies, Techniques & Visualizations! 

Turn Everything Into a Blessing!

154 pages. Just $29.95 plus $5 shipping.  Order here: https://www.roxannelouise.com/releasing-anger.html

 

Prayer and curses work on the same principles?

Really? Why would anyone say that?

Let me explain. I am a Hypnotherapist trained to understand the power of suggestions, the principles of the unconscious mind, and how the unconscious mind and emotions help to create reality and impact upon our lives. I am also a Reiki Master Teacher trained in energy work, and a Dowser trained in the power of intent to effect change and healing.

Prayer and curses are related. 

Both work on similar principles. They are simply

Clear intention + strong emotion + belief projected outwards to someone or something.

What differentiates them is

  1. the intention behind it, not just the Being to whom you pray,
  2. the image you hold in your mind,
  3. your belief/faith that it is possible or not, and
  4. the emotional energy that goes along with it.

Please don’t pray with fear in your heart!

Even if your intention is to help but you are visualizing a negative outcome with a lot of emotional energy, your prayers can hurt. 

While probably most people think that prayer works simply by appealing to an outside source  (God) regardless of how they pray, the outcome of prayer, in my opinion, depends on you as well. The words, images and feelings you hold while praying can work in alignment with or against what you want.

INTENTION – what do you want?

IMAGE – what image are you holding in your mind? Are you imagining what you want or what you don’t want?

TARGET – who or what is the focus of your attention?

BELIEF – do you really think that your prayer can be answered or not? Is it possible?

EMOTIONAL ENERGY – what is the nature of the emotion that is energizing your prayer and driving it forward to the target (the person or situation that you want to help)?

THE PROBLEMS WITH PRAYER

  • People usually think to pray when there is a crises and when they are in fear. If they are feeling powerless, they sabotage their own ability as co-creator to make changes to manifest a better condition. A fearful person is inclined to run or freeze, not take positive action.

During the American Revolution, there was a Springfield, New Jersey minister who used to say “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.” In other words, don’t just pray, do something.

And as the Dalai Lama has said after the recent Paris shootings, it is “not for God to fix this. Humans created it, and humans must fix it themselves.”

  • If the person praying doesn’t  believe the prayer will be answered, that the help will come, it is like saying to God, ‘forget about it.’  Doubt cancels out.
  • If the person praying is so focused on what they don’t want to happen, they are unwittingly broadcasting more of that into the world. This can happen when they are consumed with worry, anger, fear or upset. Take the time to quiet your mind first, gain some perspective, and get into alignment with your spiritual source. In my perspective, this means getting into the frequency of love. Go to that quiet place within.

Hypnosis can help you find this quiet place and then anchor it. We hypnotherapists usually call this our “safe place.” From that place ask,

What is mine to do? 

How can I be of service? 

  • While anger is powerful energizer to carry intention to the target, it is the same as cursing or black magic if directed at anyone or anything. If you curse your enemies, don’t expect them to act any better. Whereas Dr. Hew Len in the modernized version of Ho’oponopono has demonstrated convincingly that love and forgiveness can heal even the criminally insane.

Using your anger in a positive way

If you have difficulty getting out of the energy of anger, you can harness it constructively to focus of the positive opposite that you would like to see in the world, and to powerfully project that outwards. Use your anger to get off the couch and do something to make the world a better place. Then you can turn this tragedy into a blessing. Hold the thought,

How can I turn this into a blessing?

While bad behavior has to be stopped, you cannot stop violence by creating more of it. The experiences of Northern Ireland and elsewhere has clearly proven that violent retaliations against violence create more violence that seems never to stop.

In the meantime, in your prayers hold the intention of what you want to see in the world, in your country and neighborhood, and pray for guidance and assistance to do what is yours to do. Believe it is possible to effect positive change. Gather others around to do the same. Keep the image front and center. As Transidential Meditators have proven, group meditation for peace does make a difference. Then follow it with action.

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

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