Using Humor to Defuse Anger!

Unless you’re a psychopath, you are not going to kill somebody while you are laughing. And when you are done laughing, the original anger that made you want to kill, will have almost certainly lessened or be gone. Humor lessens tension so that better communication or constructive action can take place. So use humor to defuse!

Years ago when my son was a teenager and giving me a lot of ‘lip’, we had lots of arguments. I was completely frustrated, and constantly upset by his defiance. On this particular occasion, we (my husband, son and myself) were at the dinner table when my son started in. I was just about to serve the mashed potatoes. The big spoon with a heaping amount of vegetable was in my hand ready to dish out. Something in me clicked, and I pulled back on the spoon and catapulted it’s contents into my son’t face. My son responded by dipping his bare hand into the mashed potatoes and dumping them on top of my head. With that, my husband leapt up yelling “food fight!” And the fight was ON! All three of us threw mashed potatoes, pillows, anything non-breakable and non dangerous at one another, running all over the house.

IT WAS WONDERFUL!

It turned out to be the best thing we did because it totally cleared the air of tension between my son and I that had been building since I remarried. While we had to redecorate the hallway afterwards, that was no loss as the wallpaper was 50 years old and needed to go. My coat, which someone had used as a shield, also suffered, and had to go to the dry cleaner. But otherwise, everything else was fine.

At a later time, when my marriage was ending, I was extremely depressed (depression is the flip side of anger).  At the office and unable to concentrate on doing any work, I wandered next door to a neighbor’s office. Finding him alone, I asked him to tell me a joke because I badly needed to laugh. He remembered one, we both laughed, and I proceeded to someone else’s office. “I have a joke for you,” I said. I repeated the joke, laughed again, and asked him to tell me one. With this, I continued down the hall, repeating each of the jokes I learned and asking for more. Each time I told or heard one, I laughed and they laughed. This went on for weeks. The entire floor became engaged in joke telling and it boosted the spirits for us all.

Humor can be a healthy way of coping with strong emotions such as anger, depression, frustration and emotional pain. It allows you to keep your sanity so you can survive whatever is going on. The laughter brings oxygen to your brain so that you can think more clearly. As tension is released, it allows you to become more rational and make better decisions and to take constructive action.

At an earlier time and another divorce, my son (then in grade school) and I both had a lot of anger at his step-father, who had not only been emotionally abusive to us both, but had been physically rough with my son. My son truly hated this man and was prepared to hurt him if he came back into the house. So I had him play mental games with me of what practical jokes we could play on this man – things that would be an affront to his dignity, but not physically hurt him in any way.

For example, we would imagine giant birds or animals flying overhead and pooping on him, or sending dog too-doo to him in the mail, etc. We would imagine him as animal/bird/critter, and come up with insulting but funny names to call him. These mental games helped him, and are similar to a Neural Linguistic Programming technique called ‘Carnival’. I have written several visualizations to turn anger into humor in Chapter 6 my self-hypnosis course book, Your Unlimited Potential (see link here).

When things are really tough, sometimes the only thing you can do is to laugh. And if you are able to laugh on a regular basis, you probably will not get so angry or as often. So look for the funny side of things!

0  I will be presenting a seminar on Using Humor to Defuse Anger in Your Practice at the upcoming National Association of Transpersonal Hypnotherapists Conference occurring November 3-8 in Virginia Beach, Virginia. And I also will be giving a full-day workshop on Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone on Wednesday, 11/8. See NATH.world for information.

Help Yourself & Others Release Anger without Killing Anyone!

Have you ever thought of ANGER AS OPPORTUNITY? or TEACHER? or MOTIVATOR? or CHOICE?

Understanding the underlying dynamics of your upset helps you to harness anger so it actually accomplishes some good and, hopefully, does no harm to you or others.

Over a lifetime, I have had the ‘opportunity and motivation’ pushing me to learn something about unconscious forces, and mental and emotional healing.
“Necessity is the Mother of invention.” 
Some of what I have learned has been compiled in a 154 page content rich manual, Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone, to assist you personally, and to assist you to help others. Whether you are a spouse, parent, employer, employee, mental health practitioner, I feel strongly that there is something in this book for you that can assist to make your conversations more productive, your relationships more harmonious, your life more effective, your sleep more restful and your health improved, all leading to overall greater inner resources and peace of mind. I know that this information works because I use it regularly to help myself, my friends, my clients and students.
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While you can learn all of this information right out of the book and teach it to others, you  also have the opportunity of spending a full day with me in Virginia Beach, Virginia on Wednesday, November 8 at the National Association of Transpersonal Hypnotherapists 22nd Annual Conference. For information, see www.NATH.world. This would allow you to have all of your questions answered on how to apply it to various situations, do lots of practical exercises, and learn new skills and therapeutic interventions.

This is some of what the book covers and that will be dealt with in depth in the workshop.

  • Become aware of underlying beliefs, judgments, faulty assumptions or perceptions that cause anger!
  • Learn more effective communication skills to both avoid unnecessary problems and to address the ones you have!
  • Learn to maintain and regain balance and perspective quickly!
  • Set better boundaries!
  • Learn to fight clean and stop conversations from spiraling downwards!
  • Learn more effective coping skills!
  • Take effective action without the baggage of the past!
  • Use anger to grow in maturity and cast off leftovers of childhood!
  • Allow anger to locate and address your own unhealed wounds!
  • Understand the underlying dynamics of anger!
  • Learn to deal with what is instead of wasting precious energy in resistance!
  • Notice negative patterns and screw them up!
  • Understand and dissolve triggers!
  • Nip anger in the bud by noticing and taking action at the first warning signs!
  • Understand physical reasons for anger so you can address them!
  • Use anger as motivation for much needed healing and change!
  • Make your adversaries help you!
  • Learn the benefits of anger
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TEACH RIGHT OUT OF THE BOOK!

Releasing Anger – example

A Practical Application

The bad news is that when you write a book on Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone, the focus required to write a book may bring about an experience to apply what you know (or think you do). The good news is that you do know something to harness that energy constructively and then move it out of your system more quickly than you did in the past. Think of it as an exam. Do you know what you are talking about or not? Is it just an intellectual or a practical knowing? Is there more yet to learn?

So one week ago a tenant, as she was moving out of my house, left water running. Gallons of water poured down from the second floor bathroom to the first floor living room, and down to the basement below. Rugs, a mattress, books, furniture and other things got wet. Now almost half of the living room ceiling has to be replaced, drywall dust is everywhere. And as much as possible things were boxed up and moved out of the living room along with the furniture. Likewise, two basement rooms were disrupted in order to mop up the water, and get things out of harm’s way. So not only is my living room unusable but so is the dining room and hall, and those two basement rooms as well. 

Immediately taking a long view of the problem, I knew that regardless of how much time, energy, work and out-of pocket expense would be involved, regardless of the bad timing and other demands upon me both health wise and financially, the problem would be eventually fixed, and the house would be restored to it’s former beauty. In other words, the problem was temporary. That tenant is now fully gone from my house, and I have a new, wonderful person living here and other workmen helping me clean up the mess.

I knew that I needed to harness the anger into constructive action. So I called people to get the help and advice I needed, and start or supervise the work. I did a lot of the Infinite Intelligence Process to both dump stress and access the wisdom within. I did EFT tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique), dowsing for emotional healing, and meditation because I did not want the anger to poison me or cause me to get more sick. I wanted any possible contributory factors healed. And I also did not want to project my anger back to my former tenant as it would then be a curse on her head. And because I believe that we are all connected, what I send out comes back to me.

I focused on what I had to be grateful for. I asked myself what I could learn and grow from this experience, how I could prevent something like this happening in the future, and what I might have done differently that could have (but not necessarily would have) prevented the damage occurring. In other words, I was actively looking to pull a blessing out of the experience. 

Then I wrote a letter to my tenant to get everything off of my chest because she took no responsibility for her actions and was instead blaming me. I felt it necessary that she understand the ramifications of her negligence so she is more careful elsewhere. This stopped the conversations looping in my head.

I hired someone to repair the damage and then paint the entire living room ceiling. I found someone to clean when the construction and painting are done. And I am getting a record of expenses in case I go to court to collect damages. In other words, I did everything I could. Now, it is just a matter of getting the work completed. 

I learned long ago that groaning over damage done is a waste of precious energy that you need to stay healthy and address the problem. Complaining to people who cannot help you is one thing as an immediate, very short vent, but counterproductive otherwise. Best to talk only to those that can offer some good information and advice. Blaming her or blaming myself wasn’t going to be helpful. Using the problem as an excuse for not doing something else would also be counterproductive.

I would have loved to had someone just hold me. But since I don’t have a partner, I grabbed a cat and snuggled with him. I sat with my piggies. I hugged my dogs. I looked up at the sky. I picked up and talked to the toads. I noticed some of the abundant sweetness that is on my farm. I remembered that I am loved, that I have meaning and purpose in this world, that this is a beautiful place, and I am choosing to be alive and present. 

At other times and places, I may have made love, watched funny movies, gone dancing or done something nice with friends just to discharge energy and regroup. But what is important is that you actively do something. There is always something still left to enjoy and appreciate—even a memory to lift your spirit. 

Did I pass? I think so. Will I do things differently in future? Yes. Will I forget the lessons? No. Can what I learned help someone else? Yes, I think so.

PUBLISHED: Releasing Anger without Killing Anyone!

Just Published!!!!

beartoons-anger    Cartoon citation: beartoons.com

Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone!

by Roxanne Louise

An entire Anger Management Course!

Teach right out of the book!

Use it to help yourself! Use it to help others! 

A jam-packed guide on how to:

√ Turn anger into a blessing! 

√ Shift anger into constructive action! 

√ Use your challenges to improve yourself, your business, relationships & your life!

    • Understand the underlying dynamics! 
    • Change how you look at things so that they don’t bother you nearly as much! 
    • Make your enemies & problems help you! 
    • Harness anger as motivation to heal & make much needed change! 
    • Communicate more effectively! 
    • Fight clean! 
    • Stop conversations from spiraling downwards! 
    • Notice negative patterns & screw them up! 
    • Take effective action without the baggage!
    • Enjoy your life despite the crap!

Jam Packed Tips, Strategies, Techniques & Visualizations! 

Turn Everything Into a Blessing!

154 pages. Just $29.95 plus $5 shipping.  Order here: https://www.roxannelouise.com/releasing-anger.html