Civilizing Children to Civilize the World!

During times of staying with my son and family, and from the safe perspective of being a grandparent, I have watched my grandchildren from infancy to their current ages of 10, 7 and 5. I have witnessed how these children and their playmates learn to get what they want and how they deal with frustration and anger when they don’t. I have observed the efforts of my son and his wife as well as other parents of young children in curbing the aggressive, greedy, self-serving tendencies of their offspring. I have seen a progression of the parents struggling with telling their children: “no”, “don’t touch”, “don’t hit your brother/sister”, “you have to share”, “wait your turn”, “put your toys away”, “clean up your own mess”, “you’re in ‘time-out until you learn ___“, etc.  And I have reflected that all of this has interesting parallels to adult life and the world of politics.

A child’s first instinct is to grab for whatever they want whether it is good for them or not, whether it belongs to someone else, whether in grabbing it, it will be destroyed for everyone including themselves, or whether in doing it/taking it, it will be dangerous both for themselves and others. If they want it, they want it and go after it without much thought to consequences.

If they don’t succeed in getting what they want, or if another child wants it too, there can be a fight, a grab and run, a temper tantrum, or a lot of crying. There can be a real hissy fit–“if I can’t have what I want, then I am going to destroy whatever is nearby.” Or here is one also prevalent amongst grownups in neighborhood subdivisions: “If I can’t have it/do it, I am going to make sure you can’t either.”

I watched one child spend a lot of time building a very elaborate lego structure when a younger sibling innocently or without any thought took away a piece of the tower his older brother just built, whereupon the first child was so upset that he destroyed his own creation. I have witnessed the children lie about their wrongdoing to avoid punishment, maintain parental approval, or avoid diminishment of their own ego. I have also witnessed them trying to shift blame for their misdeeds onto a sibling. I have watched one child repeatedly trying to play off one parent with another–the classic divide and conquer strategy that is being used in identity politics today on both national and global levels. “If I can get those people to fight, they will be so busy that I’ll avoid punishment and get what I want.”

On the other hand, I have also noticed random acts of kindness, compassion, loving acts. I have seen one sibling sticking up for another, and fighting against perceived injustice.

But in the face of such aggressive and greedy natural proclivities, and surrounded by so much violence in movies, video games, and our culture, can parents really teach children to outgrow such tendencies to become adults that really think through the consequences of their actions, and to be able to avoid war and instead cooperate to solve the massive problems we face as a species?

The World Peace Game

Yesterday, I watched a documentary “World Peace and Other 4th Grade Achievements” on what one Charlottesville, Virginia teacher, Mr. John Hunter, is doing to teach children to think through dealing with the tough challenges of life. He does this through a game he designed 40 years ago called World Peace. Instead of attempting to protect children from the harsh realities of life (as if you really could), this game teaches children the importance of thinking through the consequences of their actions rather than just screaming in protest, rushing to attack, or retreating in fear. While teaching the importance of protecting and looking out for the common good of their ‘country’ and preserving their own resources, this five-day game also teaches negotiating skills, forming alliances to come together to solve common problems, the real cost of war and the value of finding other less costly and bloody solutions. 

In the film this award-winning educator and his 4th Grade students at Venable School in Charlottesville participate in an educational exercise he developed called “The World Peace Game,” now offered in 33 countries around the world. The film follows these nine- and ten-year-old students as they assume roles as world leaders responding to an ongoing series of real world military, economic, and environmental crises.

I recommend watching Hunter’s TED talk here: https://www.ted.com/talks/john_hunter_on_the_world_peace_game#t-302954

Other interviews and articles including how children can go through the game or how teachers can take the training to offer it themselves are on his website at http://worldpeacegame.org

See also an interview with Temple here. John Hunter also spoke this year at Unity Church, Charlottesville in their Jan.14th Sunday service. You can listen to it here https://www.unitycville.org/podcast

 

 

Using Humor to Defuse Anger!

Unless you’re a psychopath, you are not going to kill somebody while you are laughing. And when you are done laughing, the original anger that made you want to kill, will have almost certainly lessened or be gone. Humor lessens tension so that better communication or constructive action can take place. So use humor to defuse!

Years ago when my son was a teenager and giving me a lot of ‘lip’, we had lots of arguments. I was completely frustrated, and constantly upset by his defiance. On this particular occasion, we (my husband, son and myself) were at the dinner table when my son started in. I was just about to serve the mashed potatoes. The big spoon with a heaping amount of vegetable was in my hand ready to dish out. Something in me clicked, and I pulled back on the spoon and catapulted it’s contents into my son’t face. My son responded by dipping his bare hand into the mashed potatoes and dumping them on top of my head. With that, my husband leapt up yelling “food fight!” And the fight was ON! All three of us threw mashed potatoes, pillows, anything non-breakable and non dangerous at one another, running all over the house.

IT WAS WONDERFUL!

It turned out to be the best thing we did because it totally cleared the air of tension between my son and I that had been building since I remarried. While we had to redecorate the hallway afterwards, that was no loss as the wallpaper was 50 years old and needed to go. My coat, which someone had used as a shield, also suffered, and had to go to the dry cleaner. But otherwise, everything else was fine.

At a later time, when my marriage was ending, I was extremely depressed (depression is the flip side of anger).  At the office and unable to concentrate on doing any work, I wandered next door to a neighbor’s office. Finding him alone, I asked him to tell me a joke because I badly needed to laugh. He remembered one, we both laughed, and I proceeded to someone else’s office. “I have a joke for you,” I said. I repeated the joke, laughed again, and asked him to tell me one. With this, I continued down the hall, repeating each of the jokes I learned and asking for more. Each time I told or heard one, I laughed and they laughed. This went on for weeks. The entire floor became engaged in joke telling and it boosted the spirits for us all.

Humor can be a healthy way of coping with strong emotions such as anger, depression, frustration and emotional pain. It allows you to keep your sanity so you can survive whatever is going on. The laughter brings oxygen to your brain so that you can think more clearly. As tension is released, it allows you to become more rational and make better decisions and to take constructive action.

At an earlier time and another divorce, my son (then in grade school) and I both had a lot of anger at his step-father, who had not only been emotionally abusive to us both, but had been physically rough with my son. My son truly hated this man and was prepared to hurt him if he came back into the house. So I had him play mental games with me of what practical jokes we could play on this man – things that would be an affront to his dignity, but not physically hurt him in any way.

For example, we would imagine giant birds or animals flying overhead and pooping on him, or sending dog too-doo to him in the mail, etc. We would imagine him as animal/bird/critter, and come up with insulting but funny names to call him. These mental games helped him, and are similar to a Neural Linguistic Programming technique called ‘Carnival’. I have written several visualizations to turn anger into humor in Chapter 6 my self-hypnosis course book, Your Unlimited Potential (see link here).

When things are really tough, sometimes the only thing you can do is to laugh. And if you are able to laugh on a regular basis, you probably will not get so angry or as often. So look for the funny side of things!

0  In 2017 I presented a seminar on Using Humor to Defuse Anger in Your Practice. And on Monday, November 5, 2018 I also will be giving a full-day workshop on Anger Management Certification Course at this year’s National Association of Transpersonal Hypnotherapists Conference in Virginia Beach, Virginia.. See NATH.world for information as the time gets closer.

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

Help Yourself & Others Release Anger without Killing Anyone!

Have you ever thought of ANGER AS OPPORTUNITY? or TEACHER? or MOTIVATOR? or CHOICE?

Understanding the underlying dynamics of your upset helps you to harness anger so it actually accomplishes some good and, hopefully, does no harm to you or others.

Over a lifetime, I have had the ‘opportunity and motivation’ pushing me to learn something about unconscious forces, and mental and emotional healing.
“Necessity is the Mother of invention.” 
Some of what I have learned has been compiled in a 154 page content rich manual, Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone, to assist you personally, and to assist you to help others. Whether you are a spouse, parent, employer, employee, mental health practitioner, I feel strongly that there is something in this book for you that can assist to make your conversations more productive, your relationships more harmonious, your life more effective, your sleep more restful and your health improved, all leading to overall greater inner resources and peace of mind. I know that this information works because I use it regularly to help myself, my friends, my clients and students.
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While you can learn all of this information right out of the book and teach it to others, you  also have the opportunity of spending a full day with me in Virginia Beach, Virginia on Wednesday, November 8 at the National Association of Transpersonal Hypnotherapists 22nd Annual Conference. For information, see www.NATH.world. This would allow you to have all of your questions answered on how to apply it to various situations, do lots of practical exercises, and learn new skills and therapeutic interventions.

This is some of what the book covers and that will be dealt with in depth in the workshop.

  • Become aware of underlying beliefs, judgments, faulty assumptions or perceptions that cause anger!
  • Learn more effective communication skills to both avoid unnecessary problems and to address the ones you have!
  • Learn to maintain and regain balance and perspective quickly!
  • Set better boundaries!
  • Learn to fight clean and stop conversations from spiraling downwards!
  • Learn more effective coping skills!
  • Take effective action without the baggage of the past!
  • Use anger to grow in maturity and cast off leftovers of childhood!
  • Allow anger to locate and address your own unhealed wounds!
  • Understand the underlying dynamics of anger!
  • Learn to deal with what is instead of wasting precious energy in resistance!
  • Notice negative patterns and screw them up!
  • Understand and dissolve triggers!
  • Nip anger in the bud by noticing and taking action at the first warning signs!
  • Understand physical reasons for anger so you can address them!
  • Use anger as motivation for much needed healing and change!
  • Make your adversaries help you!
  • Learn the benefits of anger
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TEACH RIGHT OUT OF THE BOOK!

Releasing Anger – example

A Practical Application

The bad news is that when you write a book on Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone, the focus required to write a book may bring about an experience to apply what you know (or think you do). The good news is that you do know something to harness that energy constructively and then move it out of your system more quickly than you did in the past. Think of it as an exam. Do you know what you are talking about or not? Is it just an intellectual or a practical knowing? Is there more yet to learn?

So one week ago a tenant, as she was moving out of my house, left water running. Gallons of water poured down from the second floor bathroom to the first floor living room, and down to the basement below. Rugs, a mattress, books, furniture and other things got wet. Now almost half of the living room ceiling has to be replaced, drywall dust is everywhere. And as much as possible things were boxed up and moved out of the living room along with the furniture. Likewise, two basement rooms were disrupted in order to mop up the water, and get things out of harm’s way. So not only is my living room unusable but so is the dining room and hall, and those two basement rooms as well. 

Immediately taking a long view of the problem, I knew that regardless of how much time, energy, work and out-of pocket expense would be involved, regardless of the bad timing and other demands upon me both health wise and financially, the problem would be eventually fixed, and the house would be restored to it’s former beauty. In other words, the problem was temporary. That tenant is now fully gone from my house, and I have a new, wonderful person living here and other workmen helping me clean up the mess.

I knew that I needed to harness the anger into constructive action. So I called people to get the help and advice I needed, and start or supervise the work. I did a lot of the Infinite Intelligence Process to both dump stress and access the wisdom within. I did EFT tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique), dowsing for emotional healing, and meditation because I did not want the anger to poison me or cause me to get more sick. I wanted any possible contributory factors healed. And I also did not want to project my anger back to my former tenant as it would then be a curse on her head. And because I believe that we are all connected, what I send out comes back to me.

I focused on what I had to be grateful for. I asked myself what I could learn and grow from this experience, how I could prevent something like this happening in the future, and what I might have done differently that could have (but not necessarily would have) prevented the damage occurring. In other words, I was actively looking to pull a blessing out of the experience. 

Then I wrote a letter to my tenant to get everything off of my chest because she took no responsibility for her actions and was instead blaming me. I felt it necessary that she understand the ramifications of her negligence so she is more careful elsewhere. This stopped the conversations looping in my head.

I hired someone to repair the damage and then paint the entire living room ceiling. I found someone to clean when the construction and painting are done. And I am getting a record of expenses in case I go to court to collect damages. In other words, I did everything I could. Now, it is just a matter of getting the work completed. 

I learned long ago that groaning over damage done is a waste of precious energy that you need to stay healthy and address the problem. Complaining to people who cannot help you is one thing as an immediate, very short vent, but counterproductive otherwise. Best to talk only to those that can offer some good information and advice. Blaming her or blaming myself wasn’t going to be helpful. Using the problem as an excuse for not doing something else would also be counterproductive.

I would have loved to had someone just hold me. But since I don’t have a partner, I grabbed a cat and snuggled with him. I sat with my piggies. I hugged my dogs. I looked up at the sky. I picked up and talked to the toads. I noticed some of the abundant sweetness that is on my farm. I remembered that I am loved, that I have meaning and purpose in this world, that this is a beautiful place, and I am choosing to be alive and present. 

At other times and places, I may have made love, watched funny movies, gone dancing or done something nice with friends just to discharge energy and regroup. But what is important is that you actively do something. There is always something still left to enjoy and appreciate—even a memory to lift your spirit. 

Did I pass? I think so. Will I do things differently in future? Yes. Will I forget the lessons? No. Can what I learned help someone else? Yes, I think so.

PUBLISHED: Releasing Anger without Killing Anyone!

Just Published!!!!

beartoons-anger    Cartoon citation: beartoons.com

Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone!

by Roxanne Louise

An entire Anger Management Course!

Teach right out of the book!

Use it to help yourself! Use it to help others! 

A jam-packed guide on how to:

√ Turn anger into a blessing! 

√ Shift anger into constructive action! 

√ Use your challenges to improve yourself, your business, relationships & your life!

    • Understand the underlying dynamics! 
    • Change how you look at things so that they don’t bother you nearly as much! 
    • Make your enemies & problems help you! 
    • Harness anger as motivation to heal & make much needed change! 
    • Communicate more effectively! 
    • Fight clean! 
    • Stop conversations from spiraling downwards! 
    • Notice negative patterns & screw them up! 
    • Take effective action without the baggage!
    • Enjoy your life despite the crap!

Jam Packed Tips, Strategies, Techniques & Visualizations! 

Turn Everything Into a Blessing!

154 pages. Just $29.95 plus $5 shipping.  Order here: https://www.roxannelouise.com/releasing-anger.html

 

Prayer and curses work on the same principles?

Really? Why would anyone say that?

Let me explain. I am a Hypnotherapist trained to understand the power of suggestions, the principles of the unconscious mind, and how the unconscious mind and emotions help to create reality and impact upon our lives. I am also a Reiki Master Teacher trained in energy work, and a Dowser trained in the power of intent to effect change and healing.

Prayer and curses are related. 

Both work on similar principles. They are simply

Clear intention + strong emotion + belief projected outwards to someone or something.

What differentiates them is

  1. the intention behind it, not just the Being to whom you pray,
  2. the image you hold in your mind,
  3. your belief/faith that it is possible or not, and
  4. the emotional energy that goes along with it.

Please don’t pray with fear in your heart!

Even if your intention is to help but you are visualizing a negative outcome with a lot of emotional energy, your prayers can hurt. 

While probably most people think that prayer works simply by appealing to an outside source  (God) regardless of how they pray, the outcome of prayer, in my opinion, depends on you as well. The words, images and feelings you hold while praying can work in alignment with or against what you want.

INTENTION – what do you want?

IMAGE – what image are you holding in your mind? Are you imagining what you want or what you don’t want?

TARGET – who or what is the focus of your attention?

BELIEF – do you really think that your prayer can be answered or not? Is it possible?

EMOTIONAL ENERGY – what is the nature of the emotion that is energizing your prayer and driving it forward to the target (the person or situation that you want to help)?

THE PROBLEMS WITH PRAYER

  • People usually think to pray when there is a crises and when they are in fear. If they are feeling powerless, they sabotage their own ability as co-creator to make changes to manifest a better condition. A fearful person is inclined to run or freeze, not take positive action.

During the American Revolution, there was a Springfield, New Jersey minister who used to say “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.” In other words, don’t just pray, do something.

And as the Dalai Lama has said after the recent Paris shootings, it is “not for God to fix this. Humans created it, and humans must fix it themselves.”

  • If the person praying doesn’t  believe the prayer will be answered, that the help will come, it is like saying to God, ‘forget about it.’  Doubt cancels out.
  • If the person praying is so focused on what they don’t want to happen, they are unwittingly broadcasting more of that into the world. This can happen when they are consumed with worry, anger, fear or upset. Take the time to quiet your mind first, gain some perspective, and get into alignment with your spiritual source. In my perspective, this means getting into the frequency of love. Go to that quiet place within.

Hypnosis can help you find this quiet place and then anchor it. We hypnotherapists usually call this our “safe place.” From that place ask,

What is mine to do? 

How can I be of service? 

  • While anger is powerful energizer to carry intention to the target, it is the same as cursing or black magic if directed at anyone or anything. If you curse your enemies, don’t expect them to act any better. Whereas Dr. Hew Len in the modernized version of Ho’oponopono has demonstrated convincingly that love and forgiveness can heal even the criminally insane.

Using your anger in a positive way

If you have difficulty getting out of the energy of anger, you can harness it constructively to focus of the positive opposite that you would like to see in the world, and to powerfully project that outwards. Use your anger to get off the couch and do something to make the world a better place. Then you can turn this tragedy into a blessing. Hold the thought,

How can I turn this into a blessing?

While bad behavior has to be stopped, you cannot stop violence by creating more of it. The experiences of Northern Ireland and elsewhere has clearly proven that violent retaliations against violence create more violence that seems never to stop.

In the meantime, in your prayers hold the intention of what you want to see in the world, in your country and neighborhood, and pray for guidance and assistance to do what is yours to do. Believe it is possible to effect positive change. Gather others around to do the same. Keep the image front and center. As Transidential Meditators have proven, group meditation for peace does make a difference. Then follow it with action.

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

Stopping the Downward Spiral of Emotions

Emotions follow thought. Santa Cruz Vending 7:16 copy

As you notice your thoughts, you can predict their emotional outcome, and deliberately shift them to get to a more desirable emotional end result.

Thought substitution is an easy way to do this because you cannot think of two things at once.

This is never to deny your feelings or thoughts as denial leads to more problems. But rather it is to recognize that holding or dwelling on some thoughts or emotional states is counter productive and you pay a price for that. Making wise decisions so that you can take the most constructive, effective action requires being able to think clearly.

Emotional control starts with thought stopping and switching.

Furthermore, it is recognition that many thoughts, beliefs and judgments are based on faulty interpretations or world view that hinder you from overcoming challenges or achieving your goals. Such counterproductive thoughts or judgments may have been absorbed or adopted by you years ago without being examined consciously as an adult. Are they really accurate assessments of what is real or possible? Shift them as necessary.

Here are simple ways to shift

1. Shift to a question.

If the thought is “I can’t, I mustn’t, it’ll never work”. Change it to a question of the opposite: “what if I could, what if I can, what if it could work?” All will stimulate your thinking to look for solution, possibilities.

2. Shift emotion by decision.

If you have a bad experience, you could make a decision that it is going to work for your positive advantage even though you cannot possibly know if that will be the case. This decision will stimulate you to look for and possibly find constructive ways to turn that situation around.

“I turn this to my positive advantage.” or “I make this work for me.”

3: Affirm inner resources to solve problems.

If you are feeling stressed, you could affirm that there is greater wisdom, creativity and strength within you that knows how to solve problems and handle whatever you have to do. Then affirm that these inner resources can be harnessed to do so. The truth is that you cannot know the true limits of your inner resources so why not affirm that there is more ability within you? Why not think that you are capable of rising to the occasion and overcoming problems and achieving goals? This can have the immediate effect of calming you down and moving forward.

fullsizeoutput_2c I do this through what I call The Infinite Intelligence Process, which is fully explained in my book, Accessing More – Tapping Into the Eternal, Unlimited Self with the Infinite Intelligence Process. Below is a sample wording:

“There is a part of my being that knows how to handle this with grace and ease, and is doing so now,” or “there is a part of my being that can resolve this issue, and I am being guided to what I need to do and how to proceed,” or “there is a part of my being that knows who can help me with this, and I am being directed now.” 

4: Challenge negative authoriity figures.

If someone else says that you can’t do something, that it will never work, you can challenge their authority to know. In your mind, negate the value of their opinion. The truth is that when someone offers their opinion, even their educated opinion, it is only from what they have studied, what they have experienced, and does not include what they have not studied or experienced.

For example, medical doctors are experts in drugs and surgery, but not in nutrition, energy work or the healing power of prayer, stress management, forgiveness and loving relationships–all of which have a powerful ability to heal. Even within any given profession, the experts frequently disagree. This is why we are advised to seek a second or third medical opinion. Same thing goes for all other experts as well.

Before you accept the opinion of others, determine how knowledgable and experienced that opinion really is on the given topic. Within every profession there are those that find solutions to problems that their colleagues think are unsolvable. And outside of the profession there are those that sometimes come up with creative solutions that work. Why not let that creative problem solver be you?

“What does he know?”or “That’s what he thinks. He’s not an expert. He only knows ___, not ____.”

Or “if there was another way to go about this, what might that be? How can I look at this situation differently?”

Affirm that you are going to find a solution to any important issue.

“I find a way to make it work, I find the answers I need, etc.”

When you are clear about what you want, when you are determined to achieve your goal, you harness both internal resources and external assistance to do so. This gives success your best shot.

5: Focus on what you can do or what you need to do right now.

“What can I do right now to help this situation?”

Write a list and sort out priorities.

“What is the most important thing I need to focus upon?” “What is the first thing I need to do?”

6: Use affirmations and counter thoughts

Repeat any helpful suggestion or counter thought in your mind over and over to blot out the negative thoughts that prevent you from solving the problem.

7. Walking Mantras

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Walking Mantras are positive counter thoughts or affirmation in the form of a little jingle that you repeat rhymically to match to steady movements such a walking steps. I list a great many more in my self-hypnosis book, Your Unlimited Potential, along with an entire chapter on stress management, but here are some:

I find a way that works for me.

Sooner or later I figure it out. 

I learn and move on.

I get everything done on time.

8. Singing

After you have done what you can and your thoughts are still run-a-way negative, you can perhaps shift with singing a song, preferably a happy tune or inspirational one. Or just listen to music. Dancing also helps. They interrupt the pattern and instantly shift mood.

9. Jokes

Tell a joke or ask someone to tell you one, and then quickly retell to others. The humor will release internal tensions, and shift your mood quickly. I did this when I was going through a divorce. It helped a great deal. See another blog article, Using Humor to Defuse Anger! 

10. Exercise

Physical work or exercise gets tension out of the body. Because you also have to pay some attention to what you are doing, it takes away from negative ruminations.

11. Concentrate on anything else

Do anything that requires complete concentration.

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION:

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My book Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone is full of visualizations, exercises, and information that helps you to transmute not just anger, but other disturbing emotions.

Copyright 2015 by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

FOR MORE INFORMATION: see our main website: http://www.roxannelouise.com or call 434-263-4337