Upset as Opportunity

Fuming over what you don’t like and the people you hold responsible for it may let off steam, but it burns up your precious life force energy and it doesn’t change anything! 

I suggest that you as quickly as possible accept that what happened, and is now history. Fuming doesn’t change history. The question is

What do you want to do about it?

How can you use it constructively?

Can you turn it into a blessing?

As I have said in previous posts, deliberately choose to look for a way to turn every experience especially the upsetting ones into a blessing. This will happen if you grow, if you learn something positive, if you take constructive action on things that previously you neglected or let slide, and if you finally turn your attention to dealing with wounds and issues long past but never resolved.

When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, miracles of positive change can occur!

You can train yourself to use upset as a powerful

  • catalyst for healing yourself and
  • as motivation to create something better.

Here’s how.

Write the answers to the questions below. If you have trouble identifying them, brainstorm possible answers on paper and dowse them out. If you don’t know how to dowse, brainstorm anyway. Then close your eyes and ask yourself the question again. Or just write and write until you get to the core issue.

  • What’s happening that I don’t want?
  • What’s not happening that I do want?
  • What’s the key issue here?
  • What are my thoughts about what’s happening?
  • What are my emotions about it?
  • What do I want to happen instead?
  • What’s the essence of what I want?
  • What’s stopping me from getting it?
  • Is there another way to get the essence of what I want?
  • When were other times that something similar happened?
  • When was the earliest time that something similar to this happened?

Work your way through all of these questions, addressing them as you go.

Then ask some further questions:

  • How did I contribute in any way to what happened?
  • What positive steps can I make or what changes need to occur so this doesn’t happen again?
  • How can I improve my ____ (communication, follow-through, systems, etc.) so that my _____ (business, relationships) are actually better as a result of what happened?

Doing all of the above will move you forward.

Heal yourself rather than trying to change someone else!

Recently I spoke with someone who was upset because he had been unable to get someone else to change. He had tried talking to the person, but wasn’t getting anywhere. I suggested that he first identify and then address his own emotions and his thoughts around it before speaking to the person again so that they would not cause the person to tune him out.

In other words, if you are emotionally upset, you will make the other person defensive, and less likely to even consider changing their behavior and do what you want. You need to find a way to speak to the person from a neutral place, or better yet, from a place of common ground.

One way of starting that process is to detach your worth, your self-esteem from what someone else is doing. Each person acts out of who they are, not from who you are. And incidentally, people never change for you. They may moderate their behavior somewhat if the negative consequences are great enough. But they never change for you.

Eliminate the ‘shoulds and shouldn’ts’

Another initial step to reduce your upset is to eliminate the idea that people should or shouldn’t be any certain way or do anything according to your standards. Those self-righteous judgment calls are responsible for a great deal of stress. However, once you clarify the behavior you don’t want and the behavior you do want, you will be able to clearly communicate it to the other person.

As he labeled the other person as controlling, I suggested that he could turn this situation into a blessing if he could identify and then heal all similar experiences starting with the first time he was upset because of controlling behavior. In other words, this annoying current event might be viewed as positive by alerting him to a host of unresolved similar events festering in his unconscious not only causing him stress but setting up a negative repeating pattern.

My own experience

Years ago I was being constantly hit with the energy of jealousy. I could always tell when the conference brochures hit the mailboxes, because I could feel the red hot feverish flames blasting in my face, and it made me jittery and hard to focus. Once in giving a presentation of how and why to integrate Reiki with hypnosis, I could feel the arrows coming from 3 distinct locations in the room. So I asked the Reiki Masters present to stand, and guess what? They were sitting in the very same locations. These weren’t bad people, they just must have thought that they could or should have been the ones speaking on the topic I had chosen.

While I had previously worked diligently to heal my distress because of other people’s jealousy of me, it had not stopped the negative pattern until I dealt with the root cause.  As I thought about the first time this issue had occurred , I turned my attention to the lifelong problematic relationship with my sister that started in early childhood. Only after I healed that, did the negative pattern stop. I have not been affected since.

Whether any one is or has been jealous of me since, I don’t feel it anymore. I am not impacted. My energy is no longer drained.

Moral of the story:

Heal the root cause to stop the pattern.

Make positive changes going forward.

And if you do that, it will have been a blessing.

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

 

PUBLISHED: Releasing Anger without Killing Anyone!

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beartoons-anger    Cartoon citation: beartoons.com

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    • Make your enemies & problems help you! 
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    • Fight clean! 
    • Stop conversations from spiraling downwards! 
    • Notice negative patterns & screw them up! 
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Mistakes, Regrets & Moving On

I was listening to Oprah Winfrey saying that “there are no mistakes because you have a supreme destiny.. There is a supreme moment of destiny, of calling on your life. Your job is to feel that, to hear that, to know that ….Sometimes when you are not listening you get off track…but it’s all leading to the same path. There are no wrong paths.…you learn as much from your losses as you do from your victories.”

When you are overwhelmed with a challenge,

“get still and ask what is the next right move, and from that space, ask what is the next right move, and the next right move…You are not defined by what someone says is a failure for you. Failure is just there to point you in a different direction.”iu-2
citation: http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1588759/images/o-OPRAH-facebook.jpg

Personally, I have regrets.

I have made lots of mistakes, some really, really stupid, unwise, disastrous, painful, expensive mistakes. Sometimes overconfident of my abilities, I have thrust myself full into relationships, careers, relocations, obligations, purchases, financial matters without really understanding what it would mean–the ramifications of it and whether I was capable not just at that moment to handle it, but whether it would be sustainable and desirable long term.

On the other hand, sometimes reeling from the pain of previous mistakes or regrets, I might have been under confident, and did not take the leap of faith to track down and seize a new opportunity, relationship or experience. Sometimes I didn’t think I was good enough, worthy, capable, and so held back. Or that the carrot dangling in front of me was just a tease and would be snatched away at the last moment causing me more pain at rejection or failure. Sometimes I just needed time to lick my wounds before risking again.
BUT I have learned from all of my mistakes, although, unfortunately, not right away. Some  I made over and over again until it became obvious that I needed to do something different, that it wasn’t a matter of trying harder or tweeking my approach.

The value of your mistakes

Mistakes, failures all teach you a lot. All of the wisdom I gained from my own has gone into helping others. They have caused me to be more empathetic to others, to understand what they are going through, and how they can move out of it. I can now provide the candle of hope for them that there is  life on the other side of even major mistakes precisely because I have been there, done that. And so can you.

As a small child, I sat at the feet of my amazing and wise grandmothers and listened to their stories. By age 4, I decided that above all I wanted to achieve wisdom in my life. However, wisdom comes from experience, and that includes mistakes and failure, and sometimes regrets.

Learning and moving on

My new mantra is “I turn everything into a blessing”. Or sometimes, I just say “how can I turn this into  a blessing?” I look for something I can learn regardless of how I feel or felt about what happened. This means that I get far less stressed or aggravated about new unpleasantries than before. I bounce back faster. As my outside ages, I get better on the inside. And so can you.
Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.            

Healing Your Past

movieposterA passage from the movie, Hope Floats, (see  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y48KWBR3YYA) with Sandra Bullock, Harry Connick Jr. and Gena Rowlands, has stuck in my mind over the years. Sandra’s daughter in the film (Bernice Pruitt) says, “My dad says that childhood is the happiest time of my life. But, I think he’s wrong. I think my mom’s right. She says that…”

[Bernice’s voice fades as Birdee (Sandra Bullock) takes over]
Birdee Pruitt: [laughing] “Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That’s what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will, too…”
Childhood is such a mixed bag of blessings and challenges. It is where you lay down the framework of beliefs including those about yourself, your world, and what you can expect to achieve and enjoy. Many of those beliefs are false and limiting in various degrees.  It then becomes part of your work (as my friend, Michael Ellner would say) to get out of the negative trance you are already in. That is why I learned self hypnosis and a great many other modalities, first to help myself, and years later to help others.
Whatever tool (hypnosis, EFT, meditation, etc.) you use to help you, I think it falls to all of us to work on healing our past. It is a goldmine that like horse shit can be transformed and then harvested as manure to make our garden grow a richer life, allowing us to find more joy, love and fulfillment.