On Grief and Suffering

32348Years ago I saw the movie Shadowlands – the story of Oxford professor, C. S. Lewis (most known for his children’s book, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe), and his American Jewish wife, Helen Joy Davidman.

At the point where Lewis has to face that Helen is dying, he realizes how much he loves her. But her illness makes him question his devout Christian faith. How can God allow such suffering? How could God bring him love so late in life only to snatch it away?

If you shut your heart to pain, you shut it to love as well.

Helen responds that you cannot shut down your heart to avoid feeling pain or you will shut down your heart to feeling love as well. She says that the pain that you know will be experienced later IS part of the happiness now. It makes each moment more poignant. You have to be willing to experience it all. You have to keep your heart open.

Helen’s attitude is a recognition that everything is transitory – both our lives and our time together with loved ones. It is a way it is seizing the moment to appreciate everything now especially because we know such moments are finite. And when such time is over if they die before us, we can be comforted in that we had those moments together, that we experienced their love and our friendship and happiness together.

“Carpe diem”: Seize the day

Perhaps in the case of an on-going or painful, terminal illness, knowing that their suffering was ended can also be a comfort.

And then there is the grief of witnessing the suffering of others that we do not know. How could a loving God allow such evil? Why do bad things happen to good people?

Why does suffering exist?

I don’t believe there is an answer to this age-old question although there are theories. In a specific individual case we may have a hunch as to why. Certainly the consciousness of the individual has a lot to do with the personal internalization or how they experience the suffering whether or not it changes the outward situation.

Some think that there is karma – that bad things happen to pay someone back for the bad things they have done in the past. Then guilt plays a part. Guilt always looks for punishment.

But some of my hypnosis colleagues have found that suffering can be part of a soul contract. In other words, that a soul has voluntarily taken on a specific challenge in order to learn something – maybe humility, patience, or compassion for others with similar challenges. There are many people who have credited their childhood poverty, abuse, or trauma as the motivating force to work hard to change things and do something with their life. Some were even be the ones responsible for pulling the family group as a whole out of their dire situation. If learning is the reason for the suffering, speed up the learning process and then ask the universe to be released from the condition.

Maybe the soul has chosen it’s challenges as a way to grow personally. Or maybe the soul has willingly taken on a challenge to help others to grow, to teach them something, or at least, to give them the opportunity to do so. Maybe their suffering is to inspire others to take action and remove or heal the cause of the problem so that others benefit, or to come up with a solution, an invention, a therapy, or legislation to address that problem that brings much needed change or improvement. Maybe it is to teach compassion and give others an opportunity to minister to their needs.

I remember years ago listening to one of the most arrogant, elitist, wealthy man talking about the problems of being a parent to a severely disabled young child. And when I heard it, I thought that his son might be a heaven sent gift to soften and open this father’s heart to love, and teach him compassion for others. Right or not, that was a blessing  that could potentially arise from the situation.

What can you do when you are grieving or suffering in some way?

Deliberately find a way to notice what is still good. Savor the love and friendship that is available. Open your heart to those who come or call. Reconnect. Pull your loved ones and pets close to you. If you don’t have a pet but love animals, get one or volunteer at an animal shelter. As you open your heart to give love in any area possible, you will receive it back abundantly.

Connect with nature and appreciate the natural rhythms and cycles of life. Death is part of that cycle. After every winter comes spring, then summer, fall and winter again. But then spring returns yet another time. Think of the the spring flowers, the young ones, the baby birds and animals just being born. Take time to be with them, to notice and appreciate whatever is around you. Go feed the ducks, hatch some chicks, hug a tree. And I don’t mean to be trite in the face of real suffering, but just focus on being, really being present with any evidence of LIFE in any of its forms, including what may seem to be inanimate like rocks and streams– all of these bring healing.

Look for beauty. Look for any evidence of goodness and joy. Look for evidence of things that have been around much longer than a human’s lifespan, and for evidence of things that die and are reborn.

When my son was born, my neighbor’s daughter just died. So as soon as I was out of the hospital, I went over to her and let her hold my baby. I wanted her to still know that life goes on, and that this new life can be a great comfort. Holding the soft bundle of a newborn melts the heart, and in the melting comes the healing.

Any person for whom you grieve lives on through you not just in your memory, but also in how they touched or changed your life. The love you had for them lives on, and I believe that their love for you does as well. I have personally experienced my whole being filled with love multiple times as my deceased father’s made his presence known. Same thing happened for months with a very special cat. I have had visits from deceased clients, students, colleagues. So I am convinced that the soul lives on independently of my memory of them.

And something of you will live on through friends and family – your legacy to the world of how you made a difference perhaps just in being in the right place at the right time to give encouragement, a helpful perspective, a simple act of kindness. Cherish the good memories. Put up any photos that bring a smile to your face and make you laugh. And if you have them, hug their pillow, their clothes with their smell still on them.

Then connect to the spiritual dimension, the greater cosmos beyond the solar system, the galaxy to an even bigger beyond in all it’s majesty. Go out and watch the sun rise and set. Look up at the stars and visit any awe inspiring vistas where you can gain a higher perspective beyond your day to day life.

And go every day to that place within your soul that is still okay and loves you very much. Remember, know and allow yourself to feel that

you are loved.

 

 

Thinking about Prosperity

More than Money

“Prosperity is more than just money and things. It is first of all a feeling of wealth insidean awareness of the vast abundance that is everywhere in nature, in your life and within yourself that you can draw upon. And this recognition provides some measure of confidence in being able to meet whatever challenges that come your way.

Prosperity includes love, friendships, networks and personal connections, as well as your own personal qualities that engender trust, respect, cooperation and help from others. While it includes your talents, skills, work experience , it also includes your unpaid life experience, the way you think and approach a challenge. It includes your creativity, your belief in yourself and your ability to learn new things and solve problems. And finally, it includes your health, sense of humor, joy, fun, appreciation and gratitude. All these things together generate a sense of fullness, satisfaction, security within yourself, and, therefore, a measure of peace of mind. 

The recognition  that you do have something to work with relieves stress, which is vital to being able to connecting to your inner guidance from which to generate ideas of what to do and where to start. Then the attitude of gratitude provides the energy conducive to good fortune as does love and enthusiasm for your work.

Creating prosperity is MORE than what specific actions you take or don’t take – vital as that piece is.

It requires a consciousness that is open to wealth in all its forms.

This means becoming aware of and then healing any discomfort, negative beliefs, judgments or fears about money, wealth or yourself so that there is a willingness to receive, hold, invest and expand upon what you have. It requires feeling worthy. It requires a compelling vision of a better future that motivates you into needed and sustainable action, and a belief that you can learn whatever is necessary and overcome any problems to bring it forth. And it includes a willingness to share or give something in return so that there is a flow instead of a blockage of energy. 

Some people are good at part but not all parts of the equation.

They may generate money, but then squander it and lose it as quickly perhaps out of fear, guilt or unworthiness. Others are very frugal and careful in spending, but seem almost allergic to receiving, asking for a fair return for their services or seeking out better income-making opportunities. Perhaps there was trauma around money, or past life vows of poverty, or a belief that wealthy people are evil, or a belief that it is dangerous to have money, that someone will try to take it away from you, or that having more than your friends and loved ones would cost you their love and acceptance.

Some people are so fixated on their problems that they don’t see possibilities, they don’t see that it just might be a growth opportunity. The energy they need to solve their current problems is drained from any number of emotions, some of which have been held for things that happened (or didn’t) many years prior— grief, blame, shame, anger, guilt remorse, hopelessness, or feeling like a victim. Not seeing hope, they are not proactive in seeking whatever help they need or in taking effective action.

Dowsing can assist to find and resolve the root cause of prosperity issues.

This may be in the areas of generating, retaining, investing or increasing money, giving and sharing wisely. It can be in healing trauma, negative beliefs, judgments, fears and other energetic blocks. Dowsing can also assist to set up a strategy for action and overcoming challenges.

Free American Society of Dowsers Teleconference “Dowsing Support & Continuing Education”, Tuesday, June 11 at 8 PM Eastern

Dial (646) 876-9923, enter Participant Code# 443-333-280, & press # at next prompt.

On the American Society of Dowsers Dowsing Support Teleconference scheduled for Tuesday, June 11, Dick Tippett and Gale West are going to address various aspects of creating prosperity and how dowsing can assist us to both generate prosperity and use our resources wisely.

In particular, Gale will talk about her connection with money as a consciousness and share how we hold money affects not only ourselves, but the energy field around us. She believes that healing our relationship with money is one of the most powerful things we can do to affect change in the world. She will give practical tools to identify energetic alignment and misalignment with money. 

Dick Tippett will (as time allows) talk about clearing non-beneficial energies, emotions, thought forms, story lines, attitudes, beliefs, judgments and other prosperity blockers that include money allergy, cords, promises and vows, past lives, generation frequencies or genetic memory, and beliefs absorbed from others.

The live call is moderated by Roxanne Louise and is open to everyone to listen. There is time for Q & A at the end. It is recorded and available on the Members Only page at dowsers.org usually on the following day. 

galewest pict (1)GALE WEST is an internationally known artist, entrepreneurial coach, and intuitive who brings more than 35 years of experience in human potential and as a transformational change agent.  A midwife to magnificent businesses, careers and lives, she is passionate about empowering clarity of vision, right action and actively co-creating with the Divine. 

She specializes in transforming personal and collective relationships to money and success through workshops, retreats, classes and breakthrough coaching. Additionally, she is certified as a consultant and teacher in the Akashic Records. 

She has taught business, entrepreneurship and leadership both in China and the U.S.  Her soon to be published book, “Money Come Dance with Me,” was in inspired by her communication in the Akashic records of money. It invites a new paradigm of money as the expression of Divine love in the marketplace, a guide and loving friend, and an agent for a generous and collaborative world. She has been dowsing since the early 80’s.

For a free video on money mastery and meditation on prosperity, see her website at www.sacredmoneymastery.com

Gale can be reached at gale@sacredmoneymastery.com, 773-494-4300 USA.

Dick TippettRICHARD “DICK” TIPPETT has been a business manager and a consultant for most of his professional life. An Honors Program graduate of Kings Point, he holds degrees in engineering and management. He first learned to dowse from Master Dowsers Harold McCoy and Raymon Grace. Dick brought his dowsing skills into the business world, where he quickly learned that they make him more efficient, his business more profitable and his clients happier and better served. 

For many years, Dick has been an active part of the West Coast Dowsing Conference. In 2018 he served as the Speaker and Special Event Coordinator for the conference and, in partnership with Gladys McCoy, again led the very successful all-day Beginning Dowsers’ School. 

Dick is also the Chair of the Golden Gate Dowsers. Dick has spoken on various topics at the West Coast Dowsing Conference, at several ASD chapters, at The Ozark Research Institute and at the New Jersey Healers’ Retreat. He teaches beginning and advanced water and energy dowsing, a prosperity workshop, works to clear non-beneficial energies and heal disincarnate beings. He and his late wife, Karen Ashley, have a fine workbook that goes along with the prosperity workshop they led together.

 

Harness your anger to get better!

  • Have you ever thought of anger as an OPPORTUNITY to learn and grow?
  • Have you thought that it can prod to do something different and potentially find a better way?
  • That it can push you to go after a better relationship, job, location, home or car?
  • That in getting fed up you make a decision – a decision to change, to do something about your drinking or smoking or other habits, your health, your weight, your lifestyle, or to do a thousand other things you already know you need to do?
  • That it can impress upon you that you need to set better boundaries, to learn to communicate more clearly, to think before you speak or act, to not settle for less, to stand up for yourself, to ask questions instead of making assumptions?
  • That it can alert you to what needs to heal within yourself, old buried wounds, things from childhood, things you thought you got over long ago but didn’t, and motivate you to do something about it now?
  • And that it can cause you to take a good look at yourself and see what other people see in how you effect people, how you ignore, or upset them, how you take them for granted or give them the impression that they can take you for granted?
  • Have you considered that anger can be your TEACHER, your COACH?  
  • That it can nudge you off the couch and motivate you into taking much needed and long overdue action to create a life that is meaningful and satisfying? 

And have you considered that by using anger in this way, your life will get better?

Learn to harness your anger to help you to become a better person and improve your life.

Over a lifetime, both personally and professionally, I have had the ‘opportunity’ that pushed me to learn about the unconscious forces driving emotional reactions, choices, behavior, issues, and interpersonal problems. And because I like to sleep at night and did not like experiencing negative repeating patterns myself, I was motivated to learn, change and grow.

“Necessity is the Mother of invention.” 
 

What I did learn in order to help myself, helped others as well, and some profoundly so. I compiled much of it in a 154 page content rich manual, Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone, to assist in facilitating clear communication, resolving internal and external conflicts, enhancing personal growth, and improving relationships of all kinds. Using this material, I have gained greater perspective and maturity. I am seldom triggered, and if I am, I immediately work to heal the causative factors. My sleep is greatly improved, and I have developed inner resources, resiliency and peace of mind. My clients and students also report positive results.

 

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While you can learn and teach much of this information right out of the books, you  also have the opportunity of spending time with me in person at the upcoming 
Heartland Hypnosis Conference in St. Louis, Missouri, Sunday, April 28 from 9-11 AM. See link here:
Or, come to the HypnoExpo on Friday, 5 PM, May 17 in Daytona Beach, Florida. See link here:
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This would allow you to have all of your questions answered on how to apply it to various situations, do lots of practical exercises, and learn new skills and therapeutic interventions.

This is some of what the book covers and that will be dealt with in the workshop as time allows.

 

 

 

  • ReleasingAngerCoverpngBecome aware of underlying beliefs, judgments, faulty assumptions or perceptions that cause anger!
  • Learn more effective communication skills to both avoid unnecessary problems and to address the ones you have!
  • Learn to maintain and regain balance and perspective quickly!
  • Set better boundaries!
  • Learn to fight clean and stop conversations from spiraling downwards!
  • Learn more effective coping skills!
  • Take effective action without the baggage of the past!
  • Use anger to grow in maturity and cast off leftovers of childhood!
  • Allow anger to locate and address your own unhealed wounds!
  • Understand the underlying dynamics of anger!
  • Learn to deal with what is instead of wasting precious energy in resistance!
  • Notice negative patterns and screw them up!
  • Understand and dissolve triggers!
  • Nip anger in the bud by noticing and taking action at the first warning signs!
  • Understand physical reasons for anger so you can address them!
  • Use anger as motivation for much needed healing and change!
  • Make your adversaries help you!
  • Learn the benefits of anger
      TEACH RIGHT OUT OF THE BOOK!

Making Your Dreams Come True

Mitch Horowitz on Goals and Manifestation 

mitch-horowitzRecently I have been listening to a lot of Mitch Horowitz, speaker, author of The Miracle Club and many other books on New Thought, positive thinking, and the occult. He references many of the authors I have read over decades, reiterating what I have been practicing and teaching on goal setting and achievement including creating miracles in your life. But he says it so well, that I am going to summarize his bullet points here with my own commentary.

Basically, in order to manifest your goals and create miracles in your life:

  • You must have a very NARROWLY DEFINED CHIEF AIM.

This chief aim may be expressed multiple ways with smaller goals as part of the overall direction.

For example, my chief aim is to use my voice to uplift, inspire and facilitate mental and emotional healing. I do this through organizing and running teleconferences, teaching, speaking, writing, and making products. I also belong to professional organizations where I can share, develop and express my chief aim. Years ago, I followed this same chief aim through being a professional classical singer.

  • Your goal needs to be PASSIONATE. You need to want it MORE than other distractions. 

It is this passion that will mobilize your energies to do the work and overcome challenges.

  • In addition to being very SPECIFIC, this goal needs to be held with SINGLE MINDED FOCUS. This will give you greater energy and stamina to push through to do what is needed. 

One way to keep your focus is through visualization. Imagine any scene that would imply achievement of your goal.

  • You need to make a DECISION to pursue this goal now. It is not a ‘someday’.
  • For a goal to be authentic, it must be ACTIONABLE. You have to be able to take concrete steps in the direction of it’s achievement. It is cannot be a daydream for which you can do nothing to promote.
  • Your goal must be ETHICAL and in keeping with your CORE VALUES. Furthermore, if you have any partners and collaborators, everyone needs to be in alignment both with your goal and values.

If your goal is in conflict with your values and ethics, you will experience problems in achieving them or will achieve them at a price such as in health or relationships.

  • You need to INTELLEGENTLY PERSERVERE.

See my earlier blog “Under, Over, Around and Through” as an example of bulldog perserverence and yet also knowing when to shift direction.

  • PRAY for what you want. This can be a request, but it can also be a demand or even be waving your fist.

Jean Slatter calls this Hiring the Heavens and describes it in her book by same title. I write about this in my own book Accessing More – Tapping Into the Eternal Unlimited Self with the Infinite Intelligence Process. The act of prayer summons both internal resources and the something to which we are all linked – that greater sea of consciousness and the Great Intelligence behind all that is.

  • Manifestation has a gestation period. This is the Sabbath, and a time of exercising PATIENCE and REST.

Do what work you can, and then do something to lift and renew your spirit in some way. This will give you fresh energy to bring to your goal later.

  • While you are waiting, STRIVE FOR EXCELLENCE.

This continual application and learning prepares you for whatever opportunities do come your way. It also keeps your goal in focus, adding more and more energy to attract what you want.

LIMITS to Mental Causality:

Mitch acknowledges that we live under many laws and forces that effect mental causality. Results are not guaranteed by just following the Law of Attraction. By thinking it so, by visualizing and feeling you can direct miracles into your life. But you cannot always make what you want happen the way you want, when or how. Nonetheless, these are things you can do to increase the odds in your favor.

Copyright 1/2019 by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and links to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com are included with the content.

My Personal Bias

Beliefs, attitudes, as well as some driving forces in my life’s path.

Since friends and followers know that I work with clients, write self-help books and teach classes, you should be aware of my underlying beliefs and attitudes. So here they are:

  • I identify myself, and believe others to be, inherently good, worthy, loved and cherished.

I consider that I am a “chip off the old block” of the Great Intelligence that created all that is, and not damned because some mythical couple in the very dim past of the Book of Genesis ate an apple. Nor does a rib make me as a woman less than a man.

I believe that all naturally created life forms have a purpose, right to exist and an intrinsic (even if undiscovered) value

  • I think that the Great Intelligence plays by creating and exploring different possibilities, experiences, and learning through it’s creations.

This means that I believe that our deepest desires for our life and chosen work are holy and need to be respected.

  • I imagine being already recognized and accepted into an inner circle of mutual admiration and support with those famous, outstanding leaders and others that I deeply respect, admire and choose to pattern myself after.

This helps me to develop my potential, and with a deep breath to offer my gifts to the world without undue humility. It also sets up opportunities for me to do so.

  • I attempt to connect with what I consider Source.

This provides energy, guidance and support.

  • I am aware of unseen spiritual forces that are on my team.

I feel that there is an invisible group assisting me in my life. In some areas, I may be the one in baseball terminology ‘on base’, making the decisions of when to swing and choosing where to aim, while they are watching and cheering me on from the bleachers, perhaps wincing at my misses.

But in other areas such as my writing and client work, I am very aware of a collaborative effort especially as I ask for help. Sometimes I am very clear of ideas and information being fed into my mind that are precisely what a client needs in order to heal. The more I focus on being of service to someone else, the more I am assisted with good ideas and information.

  • I try to remember to notice and to connect with the beauty, natural rhythm and healing power of nature.

Fortunately, some benefit rubs off by proximity even if I am not paying attention. So I choose to live in a rural area, not too isolated, but not too close so that I can enjoy the tranquility and scenery.

  • I believe that I have something of value to offer and have a passionate drive to express that and leave a legacy behind for the benefit of those that follow.
  • And I feel strongly that each of us has some wisdom that needs to be passed on to future generations.  It is an awful waste if this is lost.

It gives me an incredible satisfaction and burst of energy to work on an article, book, help a client, or prepare to teach a class no matter how time consuming because I feel I am living on my purpose. 

This simple spiritual that I have sung as a child sums up my determination:

  • I hold an absolute clear intention and a nothing-withheld determination to release all blocks, known and unknown, to my full healing now for this lifetime and all others. 
  • I have an absolute commitment to help others who are willing to do the same.

Change is required for any kind of healing. And commitment for that change is a prerequisite.

  • Whenever possible, I express the sheer joy of life through music and dance.

I believe that life is a precious gift meant to be celebrated. This plus love makes it worth living.

My question to you:

  • What central attitudes or beliefs do you hold that guide your life?
  • What wisdom – big or small – have you gained?

I am interested in your answers.

Copyright 1/26/2019 by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and links to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com are included with the content.

Finding Your Why!

The end of December and beginning of January are traditional times to reflect on the year past and set goals for the year ahead. People think about getting rid of bad habits and accomplishing a long list of things that they have never been able to do before. Yet unless they do something different, it is likely that these goals will not get done this year either.

New Year’s Resolutions tend to wither on the vine before February rolls around. Setting goals, making ‘to do’ lists, and having the best of intentions are simply not good enough. You have to have a big enough reason, a reason to get off the couch, a reason to do a bunch of things you don’t like or are outside of your comfort zone especially when you are tired, stressed, or there is a good movie on Netflix. This is what I call finding your ‘why’. 

Why New Year’s Resolutions and Goals Fail

In an earlier blog article “When Goals Lack Luster”I addressed part of why people do not achieve what they would like. Here they are:

  1. The goals are not really your goals. They sound good but really belong to someone else, hence, they don’t inspire you to take action. 
  2. Internal conflicts – there is a part of you that wants it, but also a part that doesn’t. Until you resolve it, you are literally fighting yourself.
  3. You either do not have a big enough reason or cannot see the connection to your core values or soul path to do the work necessary and overcome whatever challenges are involved.
  4. Negative beliefs, assumptions, and judgments
  5. Not knowing how to achieve these goals, who to turn to for help, the first steps to take, and not having faith that you can figure these things out as you go along.

But here, I would like to address #3 — finding the underlying reason why you want what you want especially focusing on your core values and primary life direction. This reason, which I call your ‘Why’ also relates to ‘Relevant’ in SMART goals listed below.

What are SMART goals?

SMART is an acronym for each element that needs to be in place for goal achievement:  

  • Specific (clear, concise goals writen down and described in detail),
  • Measurable (allowing you to track your progress with end date in mind ),
  • Achievable (challenging yet doable),
  • Relevant (fit in with your core values, overall life plan or purpose), and
  • Time-based (with dates for each part of the process).

To Achievable listed above, I would add that you need to BELIEVE that this goal is achievable even if no one has done it before, and you don’t have a clue yet how to do it yourself.

Setting SMART goals is commonly talked about in business circles because it takes goal setting out of the realm of fuzzy thinking into a clear action plan enhancing the likelihood of results.

A recent example of finding your WHY:

Right after Thanksgiving I took a train from Charlottesville, Virginia to New Jersey, picked up my son’s van and most essential belongings and drove about 3200 miles or 8 hours/day most days for 8 days to get them out to California in time for my son to start work at a job that he had only just gotten only a couple of weeks before. I had to hustle to schedule, organize, instruct caretakers for my farm, get animal houses cleaned, feed purchased, and everything ready, including getting my other businesses taken care of to make this happen.

Now, I should tell you that I hate driving and dislike leaving home especially when I don’t know where I am going and have to set up my own travel arrangements and accommodations along the way. I procrastinate endlessly when I have to go somewhere, usually waiting until the last moment. I worry incessantly about other people taking good care that my pets and farm animals are kept safe, well fed and sheltered appropriately, greenhouse and other plants watered, doors locked, etc. There are enough problems and emergencies that come up when I am here all day for me to tell you that these fears are based in reality.

And yet I offered to do this. Why? I had a big enough reason. I saw it as the only realistic solution that would allow my only child to start his wonderful new job on time, a job that would enhance the well-being of his entire family and fulfill their cherished dreams. And because of that reason, I put everything aside and got it done.

As a hypnotherapist, I work with a lot of smokers. Most important to their success is in having them identify their ‘why’. What do they want more than a cigarette? No one stops smoking because it is a good or healthy thing to do, or it costs too much, or other people are nagging them. No one stops even if doctors tell them that they have to stop. Lots of people continue to smoke after heart attacks, getting emphysema or cancer.  They only stop when they want something MORE.  

When your reason is clear and big enough, anything is possible. You will amaze yourself and others with what you can do. 

So as you look at your year ahead and what you would like to see happen this year, ask yourself

What is my ‘Why’?

 

Once you know that, then ask

And if it could work, how would it work?

 

Copyright 1/2019 by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and links to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com are included with the content.

 

 

When Goals Lack Luster

Confronting Your Malaise

Sometimes knowing what you want is fuzzy. Perhaps you have a vague feeling of wanting something more. Maybe you feel bored, stuck,  dissatisfied, restless or uneasy in your present situation, job, relationship, home, location. While some people just ‘suck it up’ and push forward with their normal routine anyway, thereby keeping their job and relationships intact, others self-medicate with food, booze, entertainment, etc. Some quit their jobs, leave their spouse, and go off to ‘find’ themselves and explore different options without any serious thought or destination in mind.

But staring your malaise in the face to clarify what is going on, and what you authentically want as opposed to what your family, society and the advertisers always hungry for your wages have programmed you to want, is something every adult needs to address in order to achieve real life satisfaction. Next follows the need to develop and follow a plan to make it happen.

External versus Internal Goals–what do you want?

Many times a person doesn’t achieve or follow through with their goals because they are not excited or inspired sufficiently to undertake the long-term and sustained action required for real achievement. Such goals may sound good. They may bring the approval of friends and family. While such goals may fall into the category of  being ‘practical’, ‘realistic’, socially respected, and lead to financial security, it is still important to tie anything to which you are going to be spending a lot of time, money, effort on doing to ultimately lead to deep, internal satisfaction for you. And while the road to your goal might involve learning and mastering a lot of things that do not interest you, it is doable IF you

keep your WHY in central focus.

For example, when I decided that I wanted to become an opera singer, the training required not only voice lessons, but piano lessons, music theory, learning foreign languages, dance and movement classes, memorization, and practicing vocal scales – the most boring of all. But I had supportive friends that sent me a card that inspired me. The card started with a fund-raising brochure put out by the Metropolitan Opera in NYC. The front pictured a legendary fat soprano with the words “The MET needs you!” To this, my friends put my name. So the card now read “The MET needs you, Roxanne”. This sat on my piano music stand encouraging me to do those ‘stupid’ scales. Oh, as postscript, I did go later to work at the MET first as Executive Secretary to the Orchestra Manager, and later singing onstage in the chorus multiple times with visiting reknown ballet companies. 

What Mama (or Dad) Wants

Many parents insist that their offspring follow goals that they have chosen for them – doctor, lawyer, Indian Chief. These include academic, sports, or creative as well as professional pursuits.

For example, in my youth, many children were unwillingly pushed into music lessons and the daily practice. But even though the goal was external to the child, that child may have later developed their own joy of making music and pursued it willingly, developing enough skill to please themselves and others. And whether music became a professional pursuit later on or not, that forced musical education had multiple benefits in teaching self-discipline, striving for excellence, appreciation for music and creating something of beauty. It might have also become a satisfying hobby or part-time way of making additional money. The same can be true of other externally applied goals.

But long term, trying to live out someone else’s dream or goals for you tends to lack passion and backfire even if on the surface it sounds laudable and your head says that you should want it. Like so many New Year’s Resolutions, the work towards such goals peters out unless it is clearly seen as a means to an end you really want for yourself.

If the driving motivation of ‘nice’ or ‘should goals’ is external and not coming from inside your core self, knowing then how to communicate with your core self is hugely helpful to clarify the direction of your long-term and soul satisfying path.

Obstacles, or why don’t you have what you want already?

Perhaps, after embarking upon your own goals, you run into a problem or conflict you didn’t know you had. For example, in a hypnosis seminar, the instructor asked us all to visualize a personal goal as if we already had achieved it. Mine was to be able to buy a big, beautiful house. Initially thrilled imaging that this house was mine, I then noticed that I was quickly disquieted. Who was going to clean it? I have always disliked housework. I would have to hire people to help me, and this brought up an uncomfortable feeling of having ‘servants’, of being the employer, boss, of being on elevated position over others, telling others what to do. Where did this come from? Had resentment against the ruling class, of master versus slave, boss versus worker, lord versus peasant somehow creeped into my DNA from ancestors past? Had I identified from characters in books, history class or had I had unpleasant experiences in possible past lives? 

Whatever the source, internal conflicts will always sabotage your efforts and have to be resolved.

But even once you know what the conflict is, you may not know how to resolve it. There may be aspects to achieving your objective that involve learning new things, developing knowledge or skills in which you have no interest or actively dislike. You may lack belief in yourself to overcome them. Such challenges may bring up past humiliation or pain.

You have to have a big enough reason to overcome challenges. Why do you want what you want?

Without a clear, driving vision of the end goal and the belief in yourself that you can overcome whatever challenges that come up, you will lose momentum. Obstacles have the potential of putting your dreams into the closet where they gather dust and die if you don’t have the tools, the belief in yourself, the motivation and vision to get through the challenge. Knowing how to brainstorm for solution is a big help here with dowsing being of major assistance.

Journaling for Goal Setting and Problem Resolution

Writing forces you to clarify things. Write down one question at a time and then attempt to answer it. If you don’t know how to dowse, journal. In journaling, write as if you were speaking bluntly with a trusted friend without any self-censorship. Then go back and reread everything you have written, rewriting it ever more concisely until you can sum up the essence into a short paragraph or sentence and you feel comfortable that you have ‘nailed it’. If not, keep writing until you do. 

Challenge negative beliefs

Where you find negative beliefs or judgments, worry or fear, challenge them. Who says you can’t ____? Who says that it’ll never work? Instead, ask the question:

If it could work, how would it work?

Every goal has challenges, and every challenge is a call for you to rise to the occasion and grow. Going through the process leads to increased abilities, confidence, self-esteem and a real feeling of accomplishment.

fullsizeoutput_2cAnother way to resolve your malaise is to just focus on a question in meditation or self-hypnosis and let it roll around in your mind without needing an immediate answer. I do this through the Infinite Intelligence Process, which is a modality I have put together in a book entitled Accessing More – Tapping Into the Eternal, Unlimited Self with the Infinite Intelligence Process.  

Under the section called ‘Connect’, there is the opening phrase, “There’s a part of me that knows _____, and that part is _____ (guiding me now, bringing that information into conscious awareness, assisting me to do this in a way in which I am really pleased, etc.).” Here again, just allow yourself to drift into a meditative/self hypnotic state. Hold the question in mind without needing an answer. Over time, your subconscious mind will bring things to your attention, and synchronicities will occur.

Below are some sample questions to ask: 

  • Why am I feeling ____ regarding ____?  
  • What is underneath this feeling of _____?
  • If I could support myself anywhere, where would I want to live?
  • How could I support myself living in ____ (name of location)?
  • How could I support myself doing ____ while living in ____?
  • If I could support myself doing anything I like, what would be most satisfying to my soul? 
  • What does my spirit want to do ____ (now, short term, long term, as my life’s work)?
  • What kind of work can I do right now that would help me to eventually be able to do/become ____ in the future?
  • What kind of work is most in keeping with my soul desired life’s path?
  • What kind of work combines my main interests and abilities?

Writing Dowsing Charts and Checklists

Finding the right answers starts with asking the right questions. 

In my opinion, dowsing is the fastest way to gather information, determine the underlying dynamics, and solve problems of any sort. Start with writing down your question on the top of a page. Next, brainstorm possible answers in a list format or spread out in a fan or circle format. Include the word ‘other’. 

If you are working with a list, then turn the page to the side so the widest part of the page is on the horizontal line. Without looking at the words, but either with relaxed eyes staring into space, or focused at the bottom of the page, hold the pendulum in your hand and let it pull your hand in the direction of the appropriate line. Then look, and read what it says.

For example, if you were trying to figure out your emotions, you would list possible emotions, including the word other. Then you would ask:

  • What is the main reason I am feeling ____ about ____?
  • What is the next main reason I am feeling ____ about ____?

Continue, until there are no more emotions indicated. 

Next, because emotions come from beliefs, judgments or thoughts, write a list of possible ones, such as “people should (or shouldn’t) do ____”. Then dowse:

  • What is main thought or judgment underneath this feeling of _____?
  • What is next main thought or judgment underneath this feeling of _____?

Keep brainstorming and dowsing until you have a complete picture. Then work on addressing/healing any issues uncovered. Some of this work will entail straight forward problem solving, such as the below:

  • Who can help me with ____?
  • What are my next steps? (dowse out priorities)
  • Is anything preventing me from moving forward with this?
  • How motivated am I to do what it takes to accomplish this goal? 
  • Do I have any fears or limiting beliefs that ___ (are likely to, could) sabotage me in achieving this? If you get a ‘yes’, brainstorm what they might be and dowse out.
  • How can I make this required task easier, interesting or even fun?

Working below the level of conscious awareness

In some cases, you will not identify the cause of your malaise or failure. I then suggest  turning over the healing/resolution to what some call the ‘healer within’ or one’s spiritual dimension. I do this again with the Infinite Intelligence Process as listed earlier, “There’s a part of me that knows… and is doing so now.”

But there is another part to that process that is called “Process”. It installs a stress management program either with dowsing, meditation or hypnosis and then turns the healing over. For example, “From the perspective of my High Self, process and ____ (heal, clarify, release, resolve) ____ in a way in which I am really pleased.” If I am doing this with dowsing, I add “Take action now with the pendulum, and let me know when it is complete.” Both techniques are fully described in my book Accessing More–Tapping Into the Wisdom Within with the Infinite Intelligence Process.

In conclusion,

Overcoming malaise and obstacles in reaching your goals is made infinitely easier when you have a big enough ‘why’, when they are your goals, and you work with your inner resources every step of the way. I look forward to hearing about your own journey.

Copyright 1/9/2019 by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and links to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com are included with the content.

 

 

 

 

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