When Goals Lack Luster

Confronting Your Malaise

Sometimes knowing what you want is fuzzy. Perhaps you have a vague feeling of wanting something more. Maybe you feel bored, stuck,  dissatisfied, restless or uneasy in your present situation, job, relationship, home, location. While some people just ‘suck it up’ and push forward with their normal routine anyway, thereby keeping their job and relationships intact, others self-medicate with food, booze, entertainment, etc. Some quit their jobs, leave their spouse, and go off to ‘find’ themselves and explore different options without any serious thought or destination in mind.

But staring your malaise in the face to clarify what is going on, and what you authentically want as opposed to what your family, society and the advertisers always hungry for your wages have programmed you to want, is something every adult needs to address in order to achieve real life satisfaction. Next follows the need to develop and follow a plan to make it happen.

External versus Internal Goals–what do you want?

Many times a person doesn’t achieve or follow through with their goals because they are not excited or inspired sufficiently to undertake the long-term and sustained action required for real achievement. Such goals may sound good. They may bring the approval of friends and family. While such goals may fall into the category of  being ‘practical’, ‘realistic’, socially respected, and lead to financial security, it is still important to tie anything to which you are going to be spending a lot of time, money, effort on doing to ultimately lead to deep, internal satisfaction for you. And while the road to your goal might involve learning and mastering a lot of things that do not interest you, it is doable IF you

keep your WHY in central focus.

For example, when I decided that I wanted to become an opera singer, the training required not only voice lessons, but piano lessons, music theory, learning foreign languages, dance and movement classes, memorization, and practicing vocal scales – the most boring of all. But I had supportive friends that sent me a card that inspired me. The card started with a fund-raising brochure put out by the Metropolitan Opera in NYC. The front pictured a legendary fat soprano with the words “The MET needs you!” To this, my friends put my name. So the card now read “The MET needs you, Roxanne”. This sat on my piano music stand encouraging me to do those ‘stupid’ scales. Oh, as postscript, I did go later to work at the MET first as Executive Secretary to the Orchestra Manager, and later singing onstage in the chorus multiple times with visiting reknown ballet companies. 

What Mama (or Dad) Wants

Many parents insist that their offspring follow goals that they have chosen for them – doctor, lawyer, Indian Chief. These include academic, sports, or creative as well as professional pursuits.

For example, in my youth, many children were unwillingly pushed into music lessons and the daily practice. But even though the goal was external to the child, that child may have later developed their own joy of making music and pursued it willingly, developing enough skill to please themselves and others. And whether music became a professional pursuit later on or not, that forced musical education had multiple benefits in teaching self-discipline, striving for excellence, appreciation for music and creating something of beauty. It might have also become a satisfying hobby or part-time way of making additional money. The same can be true of other externally applied goals.

But long term, trying to live out someone else’s dream or goals for you tends to lack passion and backfire even if on the surface it sounds laudable and your head says that you should want it. Like so many New Year’s Resolutions, the work towards such goals peters out unless it is clearly seen as a means to an end you really want for yourself.

If the driving motivation of ‘nice’ or ‘should goals’ is external and not coming from inside your core self, knowing then how to communicate with your core self is hugely helpful to clarify the direction of your long-term and soul satisfying path.

Obstacles, or why don’t you have what you want already?

Perhaps, after embarking upon your own goals, you run into a problem or conflict you didn’t know you had. For example, in a hypnosis seminar, the instructor asked us all to visualize a personal goal as if we already had achieved it. Mine was to be able to buy a big, beautiful house. Initially thrilled imaging that this house was mine, I then noticed that I was quickly disquieted. Who was going to clean it? I have always disliked housework. I would have to hire people to help me, and this brought up an uncomfortable feeling of having ‘servants’, of being the employer, boss, of being on elevated position over others, telling others what to do. Where did this come from? Had resentment against the ruling class, of master versus slave, boss versus worker, lord versus peasant somehow creeped into my DNA from ancestors past? Had I identified from characters in books, history class or had I had unpleasant experiences in possible past lives? 

Whatever the source, internal conflicts will always sabotage your efforts and have to be resolved.

But even once you know what the conflict is, you may not know how to resolve it. There may be aspects to achieving your objective that involve learning new things, developing knowledge or skills in which you have no interest or actively dislike. You may lack belief in yourself to overcome them. Such challenges may bring up past humiliation or pain.

You have to have a big enough reason to overcome challenges. Why do you want what you want?

Without a clear, driving vision of the end goal and the belief in yourself that you can overcome whatever challenges that come up, you will lose momentum. Obstacles have the potential of putting your dreams into the closet where they gather dust and die if you don’t have the tools, the belief in yourself, the motivation and vision to get through the challenge. Knowing how to brainstorm for solution is a big help here with dowsing being of major assistance.

Journaling for Goal Setting and Problem Resolution

Writing forces you to clarify things. Write down one question at a time and then attempt to answer it. If you don’t know how to dowse, journal. In journaling, write as if you were speaking bluntly with a trusted friend without any self-censorship. Then go back and reread everything you have written, rewriting it ever more concisely until you can sum up the essence into a short paragraph or sentence and you feel comfortable that you have ‘nailed it’. If not, keep writing until you do. 

Challenge negative beliefs

Where you find negative beliefs or judgments, worry or fear, challenge them. Who says you can’t ____? Who says that it’ll never work? Instead, ask the question:

If it could work, how would it work?

Every goal has challenges, and every challenge is a call for you to rise to the occasion and grow. Going through the process leads to increased abilities, confidence, self-esteem and a real feeling of accomplishment.

fullsizeoutput_2cAnother way to resolve your malaise is to just focus on a question in meditation or self-hypnosis and let it roll around in your mind without needing an immediate answer. I do this through the Infinite Intelligence Process, which is a modality I have put together in a book entitled Accessing More – Tapping Into the Eternal, Unlimited Self with the Infinite Intelligence Process.  

Under the section called ‘Connect’, there is the opening phrase, “There’s a part of me that knows _____, and that part is _____ (guiding me now, bringing that information into conscious awareness, assisting me to do this in a way in which I am really pleased, etc.).” Here again, just allow yourself to drift into a meditative/self hypnotic state. Hold the question in mind without needing an answer. Over time, your subconscious mind will bring things to your attention, and synchronicities will occur.

Below are some sample questions to ask: 

  • Why am I feeling ____ regarding ____?  
  • What is underneath this feeling of _____?
  • If I could support myself anywhere, where would I want to live?
  • How could I support myself living in ____ (name of location)?
  • How could I support myself doing ____ while living in ____?
  • If I could support myself doing anything I like, what would be most satisfying to my soul? 
  • What does my spirit want to do ____ (now, short term, long term, as my life’s work)?
  • What kind of work can I do right now that would help me to eventually be able to do/become ____ in the future?
  • What kind of work is most in keeping with my soul desired life’s path?
  • What kind of work combines my main interests and abilities?

Writing Dowsing Charts and Checklists

Finding the right answers starts with asking the right questions. 

In my opinion, dowsing is the fastest way to gather information, determine the underlying dynamics, and solve problems of any sort. Start with writing down your question on the top of a page. Next, brainstorm possible answers in a list format or spread out in a fan or circle format. Include the word ‘other’. 

If you are working with a list, then turn the page to the side so the widest part of the page is on the horizontal line. Without looking at the words, but either with relaxed eyes staring into space, or focused at the bottom of the page, hold the pendulum in your hand and let it pull your hand in the direction of the appropriate line. Then look, and read what it says.

For example, if you were trying to figure out your emotions, you would list possible emotions, including the word other. Then you would ask:

  • What is the main reason I am feeling ____ about ____?
  • What is the next main reason I am feeling ____ about ____?

Continue, until there are no more emotions indicated. 

Next, because emotions come from beliefs, judgments or thoughts, write a list of possible ones, such as “people should (or shouldn’t) do ____”. Then dowse:

  • What is main thought or judgment underneath this feeling of _____?
  • What is next main thought or judgment underneath this feeling of _____?

Keep brainstorming and dowsing until you have a complete picture. Then work on addressing/healing any issues uncovered. Some of this work will entail straight forward problem solving, such as the below:

  • Who can help me with ____?
  • What are my next steps? (dowse out priorities)
  • Is anything preventing me from moving forward with this?
  • How motivated am I to do what it takes to accomplish this goal? 
  • Do I have any fears or limiting beliefs that ___ (are likely to, could) sabotage me in achieving this? If you get a ‘yes’, brainstorm what they might be and dowse out.
  • How can I make this required task easier, interesting or even fun?

Working below the level of conscious awareness

In some cases, you will not identify the cause of your malaise or failure. I then suggest  turning over the healing/resolution to what some call the ‘healer within’ or one’s spiritual dimension. I do this again with the Infinite Intelligence Process as listed earlier, “There’s a part of me that knows… and is doing so now.”

But there is another part to that process that is called “Process”. It installs a stress management program either with dowsing, meditation or hypnosis and then turns the healing over. For example, “From the perspective of my High Self, process and ____ (heal, clarify, release, resolve) ____ in a way in which I am really pleased.” If I am doing this with dowsing, I add “Take action now with the pendulum, and let me know when it is complete.” Both techniques are fully described in my book Accessing More–Tapping Into the Wisdom Within with the Infinite Intelligence Process.

In conclusion,

Overcoming malaise and obstacles in reaching your goals is made infinitely easier when you have a big enough ‘why’, when they are your goals, and you work with your inner resources every step of the way. I look forward to hearing about your own journey.

 

 

 

 

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