Secondary Gain – A Gain from Pain

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Secondary gain is a benefit gained from having a problem.

This benefit is perceived by your unconscious mind to be of such importance that it actually creates the problem or prevents it from being easily resolved.

The unconscious mind thinks the pain is worth the gain. It thinks that it is helping you in some important way, perhaps by protecting you from some threat or helping you to obtain something important.

It can be something you learned.

Somewhere you made a connection. You learned that when x happens, y results. It might be something you discover yourself by accident after it occurs the first time. Or you may have witnessed it or learned it from someone else.

Regardless of how the connection is made, once the benefit to be gained is known unconsciously, it can become part of the dynamics driving behavior and impacting your well being.

This usually happens because you don’t know how to, don’t feel able to, or are frustrated in getting your needs made in a more direct, constructive way.

For example, Grandma gets sick and goes into the hospital. While there, all of her grandchildren come and visit–something that doesn’t happen very often. Grandma is delighted to see them. When Grandma gets well and goes home, every one’s lives go back to normal, which means that the grandchildren again become absorbed in their own personal affairs, ignoring the emotional needs of their elder. One day Grandma is desperately missing her family. Her unconscious mind, which is aware of her need, causes Grandma have a relapse and go back into the hospital.

Was it conscious? No. But her unconscious mind learned that being sick gets her the love and attention she craves from the people that matter most to her. Being sick solved a need of higher priority. To prevent this from happening again, Grandma, in addition to doing whatever she needs to do to become healthier, needs to become more proactive in satisfying her emotional needs, perhaps vocalizing them directly, calling her grandchildren regularly, and figuring out a way to go and visit them.

Here’s another example. Let’s say that you are supposed to show up for an event at which your ex spouse/lover will attend with a new love. Because you really don’t want to see or be around that your ex or meet your replacement, your unconscious mind may give you a “headache”. Now you have a way to avoid uncomfortable feelings, and an excuse not to go without feeling bad of letting other people down. While it may be uncomfortable or embarrassing to go, or telling the hostess that you are not ready to confront your ex,

it is in only in taking prompt, fearless action to address your legitimate needs that you obtain greater health and happiness.

Imagine that you have been injured and now receive disability benefits. Healing will mean giving up the financial security you receive from the income and medical benefits. It may mean returning to a job you didn’t like, that may have made you feel stressed or unappreciated, and to be expected to resume responsibilities that you found overwhelming or depleting. Disability solves many problems for you and gives you many benefits that will be lost if you get better.

If your unconscious mind perceives that being incapacitated satisfies more important needs, it will  block healing.

Examples of Secondary Gain

The list includes getting help, time, sympathy, attention, demonstrations of caring, avoiding responsibility, getting out of something you don’t want to do, getting permission to do something you do want to do, getting away from people or situations you don’t like, getting time off, casting the die when you can’t make the decision for yourself, checking on the feelings of others, letting others know you need them, pulling family together, getting people off of your back, obtaining financial benefit, punishing yourself for real or perceived misdeeds, atoning for guilt or shame or other perceived wrongdoing, etc. Secondary gain can also be a part of or related to self-sabotage especially where guilt is involved.

A tip off:

If you feel relief after the problem occurs, for example, if you are more relaxed after you make the phone call to not go to the event you were worried about, you can be sure that secondary gain is involved.

How to Address This

Brainstorm possible causes/remedies as categorized below,  and then dowse out. Once you locate causative factors and the percentage strength of each, use intent with dowsing to clear/heal/resolve any further need for it to continue. Then check with dowsing for the percentage of problem remaining.

Besides clearing with dowsing, you can use EFT (the Emotional Freedom Technique), Emotion Code, Tapas Accupressure Technique, Infinite Intelligence Process (by Roxanne), self-hypnosis, various NLP techniques and more. Use intent, strong emotion joined with positive expectancy to broadcast your intention to the universe.

1. Make any possible, underlying dynamics conscious. 

Become aware of what benefits you are getting from the problem whether you set it up or not.

2. Know the price you pay.

While playing the role of “poor me or victim” may get you some sympathy and attention, it does so at a cost. And the truth is that you get pity, not love. You get company from people paid to take care of you, or out of obligation, not just because people really want to be with you.

3. Identify constructive ways to get the same benefits without any or with less negative side effects.

4. Become proactive.

Deliberately practice direct, constructive ways to obtain your needs until they become a habit. You can even rehearse these behaviors in your mind over and over to speed up the time that it takes to become an automatic response.

5. Learn and practice stress management

6. Deal with past traumas

7. Enhance coping skills

8. Enhance self-esteem

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

FOR MORE INFORMATION: see our main website: www.roxannelouise.com or call 434-263-4337

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