It helps to think of the so-called ‘negative’ emotions like anger, hatred, jealousy, etc. and the thoughts behind them as simply communication from your inner self. This is more productive than instantly judging them and sinking into self condemnation for thinking and feeling as you do, or to quickly deny them and stuff them in the closet of your subconscious mind where they remain hidden as part of the Shadow Self, but act out in passive-aggressive and destructive ways.
Before you can do anything about the underpinning of your uncomfortable feelings, you have first to honestly acknowledge your emotions and then uncover the thoughts or judgments behind them no matter how repugnant they are to admit and how damaging to your self opinion as a good, evolved, or spiritual person. Growth and healing starts with self-honesty, self-forgiveness and then self-examination. From there you can challenge those thoughts as all is not as it sometimes seems. For example, your anger can arise because of limited or inaccurate information. As Byron Katie, creator of ‘The Work‘ says
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
The Emotional Freedom Technique
“Even though I ____” [feel, think, did, didn’t____], “I deeply love and accept myself.”
One of the reasons for the tremendous healing results from practicing the Emotional Freedom Technique as taught by Gary Craig (https://emofree.com/) is this above set-up phrase. Admitting our ‘faults’, negative judgments, pain, wrong action, problem, etc, and then forgiving and choosing to love ourself anyway, not only reduces enormous stress, but helps to forgive and love others as well thereby improving our relationships.
Let’s start with some examples of the shoulds and should nots as they are frequently a part in creating the Shadow Self.
Thou Should Not!
- I shouldn’t get angry!
- I shouldn’t want to strangle ____ (my children/cat/husband, etc)!
- I shouldn’t hate my ___ (mother-in-law, my boss, co-worker, neighbor, etc.)!
Thou Should!
- I should love everyone all the time!
- I should forgive everyone for everything!
- I should be always calm, peaceful, patient, & willing to help!
- I should put other people’s needs always ahead of my own!
- I should be grateful for everything!
Whatever injunction you place on yourself can be put onto others as in They Should or Shouldn’t____ and this will translate negatively on to your relationships.
I have often joked that the people that most needed to be in church or temple were already there. That is because when someone so needs to think of themself as a good, God fearing person worthy to be a part of that religious community, they often deny their own hateful thoughts and are acting from their Shadow – the dark underbelly of the unconscious mind. What is denied cannot be healed.
IN SUMMARY
Don’t rush into denying or trying to quickly erase your ‘negative’ thoughts and feelings. Rather take a moment to go deeper without condemning yourself or trying to cover it over with ‘positive’ thinking, affirmations, etc. Your emotions are valuable communication from your subconscious mind. Honor them as stemming from something deeper within yourself. Look at it. Perhaps challenge it. And then work to resolve what needs to be resolved, heal what needs to be healed, learn what needs to be learnt, and clear what needs to be cleared in a way that leads to real emotional growth and wisdom.
Copyright 2/12/23 by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and links to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com are included with the content.
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