Under, Over, Around and Through

Many people give up too easily on their dreams. Don’t!!!

If something is important to you, if you have a dream, if you have a talent that demands development, then you MUST PURSUE IT any way you can going under, over, around and through whatever obstacles or challenges are presented. Only in that way will you satisfy the deep, inner calling of your heart.

When I first entered college, I wanted to have a dual major of music and social science. These dual interests were apparent from early childhood. Like the “Lucy” Peanut cartoon strip character, I was giving out my two cents of advice to playmates starting at age 4. But at the same time I also fantasized musical numbers and would sing and dance for whoever came into the house. I was fantasizing Gene Kelly and Judy Garland song and dance routines. I was in church choir, school orchestra and band, every talent show, and later in All State Chorus. My vocal talent was recognized very early by professional classical singers including two former Metropolitan Opera soloists.

However, my college felt that music was too all encompassing and I needed to make it both my major and minor or not at all. I picked music with voice being my major. My mother was aghast thinking it would lead to couch auditions and an immoral lifestyle. I was told that I would be disowned and cast out of the family, Even after an interview with Metropolitan Opera star and head of the Voice Department who tried to intervene on my behalf was unable to dislodge my parents adamant refusal.

As I lacked the courage to venture completely out on my own, and more importantly, did not want to cut all ties with my family, I majored in social sciences instead. But both while in school, and after graduating, I took private lessons as money would allow, went to the library to check out opera recordings while following along with the score and librettos, went to concerts, and sang in churches that put on oratorios and even was Mezzo-Soprano soloist for Handel’s Messiah while in college.

The turning point came when as a young woman and living in Boston my husband went to speak with Re Koster, the head of the voice department at New England Conservatory of Music. He convinced her to listen to me and if satisfactory, accept me as a private student, something she had always refused before. However, she did take me, and within 6 months of this Dutch mezzo’s tutelage, I had learned all of the mezzo solos in the oratorio repertory, and most of the Bach cantatas as well. This I did while holding my infant son in my arms during my lessons. Soon after she retired and moved leaving me to go on to another teacher. I then also talked my way into being able to audit music theory classes at Boston University even though I was only enrolled for voice lessons. 

Not having a piano of my own, I rented time on a neighbor’s to learn my music. Again, I would hold my infant on my lap while playing the music with one hand. Then I talked my way into ushering for the Metropolitan Opera performances when they visited Boston. Such opportunity was only open to New England Conservatory students, but I signed up anyway. Then before each performance, I went up to the soloists and musicians and interviewed them, the famous bass Justino Diaz being one of them. I actually met the orchestra leaders that later hired me as Executive Secretary for the Met years later, and some of the musicians for whom I later worked. 

While living in Boston, I then auditioned for and was accepted into an all professional choir that put on Bach cantatas with professional orchestra every Sunday. While I was not good enough to be paid as were the others, they did pay for my babysitting. My son, now a toddler, was enrolled in the church nursery, and went with me to all the rehearsals where he crawled under the chairs of the musicians when he got away from the nursery. During one church service, the congregation was startled with the two gigantic wooded doors at the rear of the sanctuary banging open, and one little guy striding very triumphantly up the aisle to come visit me in the choir stalls up front.

When the family moved to Portland, Maine, I enrolled as a voice major at University of Maine, and joined a major choral society. Again, I ushered when Boston Opera came to town taking my young son with me to pass out programs in the balcony. I took him backstage with me to meet some of the singers. My voice teacher decided that I needed more professional training than he could provide and so we drove together from Portland down to Boston regularly for us both to study with a prominent voice teacher there. My voice lessons represented half of my food budget for the week. When I could not continue to afford to pay for membership in the choral society, an anonymous donor came along and paid it for me.

I auditioned for the professional choir in the episcopal cathedral Portland, and while not paid, was able to get free piano lessons from the Director.

When the family moved again, this time back to New Jersey, I was determined to get ANY job that I could at the Metropolitan Opera. I was willing to scrub toilets. So I made the rounds of all the employment agencies in Manhattan each time asking for a job at the Met. The answer was always the same – no openings. Finally, I took the bull by the reins and went to the stage door and inquired of the personnel department. The woman on the house phone asked if I took short hand. When I replied ‘no”, she hung up the phone.

So, I was determined to find a way to be able to take dictation. I found that my old high school was giving a summer course on ‘speed writing’. I took it, and soon after was hired as Executive Secretary to the Orchestra Manager at the Met!!! This gave me free rein to walk backstage, visit the various departments where they make and manage everything – wigs, costumes, sets, staging, and more. I was able to hear all the rehearsals over the loud speakers while working, and get free standing room passes to performances, and free dress rehearsal tickets for my family. This allowed me to educate my parents into the magical world of opera and give my son exposure to it as well.

I found a voice teacher across the street from Lincoln Center, and on lunch hours if there were no rehearsals taking place in house, and after work, I would sit and listen to other people’s voice lessons. This gave me a fantastic musical education. I also took yoga and exercise classes, language classes, acting lessons, and speed reading. 

I then auditioned for and was accepted into Aspen Music Festival Chamber Choir. As the Met orchestra was off in the summer and the house operated on skeleton crew, it was possible for me to do this. Aspen provided housing for singles or money for housing for me since the dorms would not take my son. So my son from 8 to 10 years old, traveled with me and was enrolled in day camp while I rehearsed. Then he came with me to all performances. During one year, I wrote to all the churches in town inquiring about a cheap place to stay in this very expensive resort town. We got a room in exchange for me cleaning. Another year, we drove out and lived in a VW bus. Again, as being able to find a place to park legally at night was a hassle, I asked the churches around, and found one that would allow me to do so. I sang there for 3 seasons.

49897687_782012838813911_6915629389375864832_nWith this background, I was able to secure work as a professional singer in Manhattan, join the union, and work not just as now a church and temple soloist, and privately sing for weddings and funerals, but singing with recognized national and international groups such as Joffrey Ballet, NYC Ballet, American Ballet Theatre, Netherlands Ballet, NJ Opera, Ars Musica,  Clarion Musical Society, Friends of French Opera, and more. This also meant that I had to quit my secretarial job at the Met, but then got into NYC Opera Chorus, first part-time, then full-time, then part-time again for a total of ten years. I taught private voice students as well and wrote a small primer on vocal technique. I also started and ran a weekly Women in the Arts support group at my alma mater at Montclair State University.

Reality sets in

I had worked very hard against tremendous odds and had achieved a lot in a very difficult field. But I also had a son that I needed to support. NYC Opera went on strike three times in ten years and I scrambled to make the rent with temporary work as a secretary. I was consistently stressed for money – not just for the rent, etc., but to pay for the necessity of continual voice lessons and coaching lessons if I was going to make it as a soloist and not just remain as a union chorister. I had problems with high notes, problems in memorizing, problems with foreign languages, and problems with the politics of music.

The icing on the cake was tearing the cartilage connecting my sternum to my ribs. This happened within two weeks of starting to date someone new. This man represented the choice between potentially having a happy, ‘normal’ family life or living on the road as a singer after dropping my son off with my parents. The injury indicated that I was literally torn in two between two conflicting goals. My subconscious had cast the die and chose marriage and family. 

Even after I was sufficiently healed to be able to get in and out of bed on my own, and get up and off the floor onstage, I was nolonger able to breathe as I once was, and this not only ended my ambitions for a solo career but any likelihood in being hired as a permanent chorister in the only classical singing job in the nation that provided financial stability – the Metropolitan Opera. 

So unwilling to only be a part-time chorister with the precariousness that that entailed, and during a music union strike in 1989, I trained in hypnosis, a second interest. And I immediately started lecturing, teaching self-hypnosis, and seeing clients as time allowed between my singing jobs. 

But then I came to a point of decision.

Eventually, the schedule became too difficult to straddle both fields, and I had to choose.  Considering the real limits I now faced in music in addition to family responsibilities, I decided to venture out on my own as a hypnotherapist and be in charge of my schedule without a limit on what I could accomplish in using my voice to uplift, inspire and heal (my chief aim that was underneath both desires to work in music and hypnosis). Again, I went after my new profession just as vigorously as I had with music.

Since that time I have been a regular presenter at many hypnosis and dowsing conventions yearly, have written ten books, received six national hypnosis awards including two lifetime achievement awards, and one in dowsing. I host two national teleconferences for the American Society of Dowsers, I sit on the Board of Directors for two national organizations, and have been on the Board of others, founded and run a local dowsing group,  founded and used to run a local professional hypnotherapy organization for many years, set up speakers and wrote a newsletter for another hypnosis chapter, and have trained many people – professional and layman alike – in hypnosis, stress management, dowsing, and Reiki.

Do I regret all the time and energy pursuing a field that I later left? Absolutely not! 

I had amazing experiences that few others have had. I have been part of creating glorious moments in musical history that transported those in the audience as well as the performers to spiritual heights that only heavenly music can do. I went after my dreams and tested my limits in a very challenging field, achieving a certain level of success that was profoundly satisfying. 

So what is my point?

  • If something is important to you, if you have a passion to do something or a big enough why, you can overcome tremendous odds and achieve a significant amount of success. 
  • Regardless of the outward worldly recognition you are able to achieve, relentlessly going after the inner calling of your heart will bring enormous satisfaction to your soul. You would have answered your calling.
  • If you can’t go through normal channels to reach your goal, you have to get creative and find another way. 
  • If one door is closed to you, you find a window. You go

OVER, UNDER, AROUND or THROUGH!

Copyright 2/3/19 by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.      

 

The LIMITS OF MIND TO CREATE YOUR REALITY

dolores-3-e1355459003189-219x300[1]Yesterday, as I was fighting off some ‘bug’ and just trying to rest,  I listened to a video of Dolores Cannon yesterday saying that “ILLNESS IS SOMETHING YOU BRING ON YOURSELF”.
 
While Dolores made absolutely no mention of the many factors you can control that do effect your health, I certainly believe that stress, bad habits, unresolved issues, and sometimes secondary gain, all play a major part in weakening the body’s system and even can determine where and when person gets ill (see work of Dr. Ryke Geerd Hamer, M.D.,German New Medicine). This means that an individual has a lot they can do to be and remain healthy. I have written many blog articles of this at length. (Particularly, see “What if illness was sometimes a choice?”)
However, she makes no mention of the multitude of factors over which you have no control: your dna, the health and nutrition of your ancestors, your mother’s nutrition during her pregnancy with you, how well you were fed as a child, the economics and the political instability of the times. What about the cleanliness of the food, water, air, or whether or not your home had lead paint, or whether you were exposed to multiple toxins, high stress levels in the home and larger community?  
Dolores like Dr. Michael Newton, author of Life Between Lives, also believes that you pick your parents in pre-birth planning session. But if that theory is true, (and I think you should consider that it is just that–a theory not fact), I don’t think you can take that to mean that you signed up for every inherited body weakness, potential disease, and possible element that could impinge upon your health over your lifetime. 
 
I am picking on my hypnosis colleague Dolores whom I both knew and heard speak live many times at conferences, because she like many in the New Age community that are enamored of the Law of Attraction, and the power of our mind and emotion to create your reality, gives the impression of ignoring those limits and forces beyond our control. Just because she has justly received acknowledgement for her work in hypnotizing hundreds of people and therefore, we should consider her conclusions drawn as a result, does not mean that we cannot point out holes in her theories. In fact, the more prominent a leader in the field, the more their ideas should be scrutinized lest we give away any power of discernment and slavishly bow to hero worship.

Difficulty in making definitive conclusions from client work

Here lies some potential reasons for skewing of results that can falsify conclusions arising from client work.
I have noticed that those people that come to me for client work do so because on some level, consciously or unconsciously, they believe that I can help them. In other words, the client self-selects their therapist.

 

A client with a very different background, belief system or model of reality from the therapist would probably go to someone else, and that therapist would probably reach different conclusions. If at any time that therapist’s model of reality is revealed and is in conflict with that of the client, rapport is lost and the client probably would stop going to that therapist.

The expectations of the hypnotist are more likely to affect the material revealed by the client precisely because in the hypnotized state they are in rapport with the therapist and highly suggestible. 

Limits to mental causation of reality

We cannot ignore the ultimate parameter of existence here on earth, which is that death comes to us all – even to the ones that take vitamins, think positive, meditate, and work on their issues. I do not mean to be harsh to point out that Dolores is now dead. So are Dr. Hamer, saints, monks, athletes, healers, health food advocates, and the most prominent of positive thinkers: Wayne Dwyer, Norman Vincent Peale,  and Robert H. Schuller. 
Yes, I most certainly believe that is important to take responsibility for what happens to us by acknowledging any possible role we may have played in it’s creation, and in whatever choices we make to take appropriate action accordingly. It moves us away from being a victim. 
What has repeatedly annoyed me with Dolores (and others) despite her doing a voluminous body of interesting and otherwise good work, is going into the opposite extreme in the orthodoxy of New Thought . It is not just uncharitable, it is false.

My Personal Bias

Beliefs, attitudes, as well as some driving forces in my life’s path.

Since friends and followers know that I work with clients, write self-help books and teach classes, you should be aware of my underlying beliefs and attitudes. So here they are:

  • I identify myself, and believe others to be, inherently good, worthy, loved and cherished.

I consider that I am a “chip off the old block” of the Great Intelligence that created all that is, and not damned because some mythical couple in the very dim past of the Book of Genesis ate an apple. Nor does a rib make me as a woman less than a man.

I believe that all naturally created life forms have a purpose, right to exist and an intrinsic (even if undiscovered) value

  • I think that the Great Intelligence plays by creating and exploring different possibilities, experiences, and learning through it’s creations.

This means that I believe that our deepest desires for our life and chosen work are holy and need to be respected.

  • I imagine being already recognized and accepted into an inner circle of mutual admiration and support with those famous, outstanding leaders and others that I deeply respect, admire and choose to pattern myself after.

This helps me to develop my potential, and with a deep breath to offer my gifts to the world without undue humility. It also sets up opportunities for me to do so.

  • I attempt to connect with what I consider Source.

This provides energy, guidance and support.

  • I am aware of unseen spiritual forces that are on my team.

I feel that there is an invisible group assisting me in my life. In some areas, I may be the one in baseball terminology ‘on base’, making the decisions of when to swing and choosing where to aim, while they are watching and cheering me on from the bleachers, perhaps wincing at my misses.

But in other areas such as my writing and client work, I am very aware of a collaborative effort especially as I ask for help. Sometimes I am very clear of ideas and information being fed into my mind that are precisely what a client needs in order to heal. The more I focus on being of service to someone else, the more I am assisted with good ideas and information.

  • I try to remember to notice and to connect with the beauty, natural rhythm and healing power of nature.

Fortunately, some benefit rubs off by proximity even if I am not paying attention. So I choose to live in a rural area, not too isolated, but not too close so that I can enjoy the tranquility and scenery.

  • I believe that I have something of value to offer and have a passionate drive to express that and leave a legacy behind for the benefit of those that follow.
  • And I feel strongly that each of us has some wisdom that needs to be passed on to future generations.  It is an awful waste if this is lost.

It gives me an incredible satisfaction and burst of energy to work on an article, book, help a client, or prepare to teach a class no matter how time consuming because I feel I am living on my purpose. 

This simple spiritual that I have sung as a child sums up my determination:

  • I hold an absolute clear intention and a nothing-withheld determination to release all blocks, known and unknown, to my full healing now for this lifetime and all others. 
  • I have an absolute commitment to help others who are willing to do the same.

Change is required for any kind of healing. And commitment for that change is a prerequisite.

  • Whenever possible, I express the sheer joy of life through music and dance.

I believe that life is a precious gift meant to be celebrated. This plus love makes it worth living.

My question to you:

  • What central attitudes or beliefs do you hold that guide your life?
  • What wisdom – big or small – have you gained?

I am interested in your answers.

Copyright 1/26/2019 by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and links to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com are included with the content.

Dowsing on Goals – Big and Small

Goals come in all categories, big and small, short and long-term, internal and external, and dowsing can help with all of them.

Added to what is already known about successful goal setting like SMART goals from business coaches and motivational speakers, and manifesting principles from the New Thought Movement, is the importance of tapping into and listening to the voice within to identify:

  • your core values,
  • your direction in life (this is your core intention also called your ‘why’), and to
  • develop and receive on-going guidance and support in following that path from the inner voice of wisdom within.  

This allows for amazing things to happen that are also deeply soul satisfying.

On the mundane side

You can write down your short term goals (daily or weekly). This is your ‘to do’ list that is a reminder of both what has to be done right now and what you would like to accomplish today. You can then dowse out your priorities of what to focus upon, and the order in which to tackle them. You can dowse over the yellow pages, a Google listing, Angie’s List, to determine who to call for help. As problems come up to be solved, you can write down a list of possible reasons and another on possible solutions, and dowse these lists out. 

Identifying and Clearing Resistance

If you encounter inner resistance on attending to important tasks, or goals that you say you want or need to do, you can use dowsing charts and checklists to locate the reasons for self-sabotage or procrastination: negative beliefs, judgments, doubt and fear, bad memories, and unresolved upsets or trauma. Should you find any of these inner underlying reasons for being stuck, you can then dowse with clear intent to heal, clear or otherwise to resolve them.

You can also dowse for your level of allowance versus level of resistance for accomplishing any given task or goal. This is done using a percentage chart. With dowsing you can both ask to raise your motivation or level of acceptance of that goal, or lower your resistance to it doing the work –  providing that doing so is acceptable on the ‘soul’ level.

Why you need to find your ‘Why’

Whatever your goal, you cannot ignore your soul desires or push against your ‘prime directive’. After a prolonged time of being severely off course and ignoring all the warning bells, your soul can revolt, perhaps setting up ‘accidents’, illness and other serious problems as an ‘opportunity’ for you to reconsider what you are doing and correct.   

Dowsing medium to long-range goals

List what you would like to achieve in the major areas of your life: health, love, relationships, family, home, community, fun/recreation, travel, work, financial, personal growth, spiritual, etc. These would include those things that you want to achieve this year, over the next 5, 10 or lifetime goals. Then go inside and dowse out the strength of strong motivating energy each goal has for you consciously, subconsciously, and finally on a soul level. Focus your efforts on those with the biggest energetic pull. 

Goals fall into categories:

  1. internal or external – you decide what you want or need to do, or someone else sets them and requires you to comply. 
  2. have deadline dates for completion or are open ended.  
  3. have strong negative consequences for not doing them or are without sufficiently clear negative consequences
  4. have strong positive payoffs that motivate you towards action or lack sufficient rewards
  5. clearly relate strongly to your core values or don’t
  6. clearly relate strongly to your core purpose/mission/direction in life or don’t
  7. relate to just everyday, routine needs (your ‘to do’ list) or deal with the bigger picture for your life
  8. relate strongly to resolving your on-going issues, negative repeating patterns or not
  9. relate to resolving a crisis or emergency situation or not
  10. relate to creating balance in all areas of life or are just focused on one area

One reason that New Year’s Resolutions fail is when they are often just things that ‘would be nice’ if they happened. They may sound good, but lack real strategy, a deadline to finish, or a burning desire to see it to the end. They may sound like things your mother would like you to do like ‘clean up your room’.

What’s your passion?

Goals that tend to get done even when they require tremendous effort are those for which you are committed. You have burning desire – like getting married, or moving into your own home. 

I have lots of examples of this from my own life. So watch for an upcoming blog coming soon called “Under, Over, Around and Through”.

Dowsing the Big Picture

Dowsing can also assist you to assess your skills, talents, personality traits, preferences, likes and dislikes, and narrow down your interests to help you identify your life path and primary goals. This is the part that Mark Hurwich and I will spend most of our time discussing on a free teleconference call February 12.

COMING UP: Free Teleconference sponsored by the American Society of Dowsers.

On Tuesday, February 12, Mark Hurwich, who helps people discover their Core Intention, and I will be discussing an expanded version of goal setting applied to dowsing that includes “Finding Your Why” . The time is 8 PM Eastern. While anyone can listen live, the recording will be available for Members only.

Call information: 

Dial (646) 876-9923, enter Participant Code# 443-333-280, & press # at next prompt.

Copyright 1/2019 by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and links to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com are included with the content.

Speaking in Charlottesville, VA

A New Look at Goal Setting

The end of December and beginning of January are traditional times to reflect on the year past and set goals for the year ahead. People think about New Years Resolutions — getting rid of bad habits and accomplishing a long list of things that they have never been able to do before. Some goals fall into the category of ‘would be nice’. Some are the voice of conscience as in ‘I ought to do this’. Some are really other people’s goals for you. Whether your list is long or short, laudable and impressive, unless you approach these goals differently than you have in the past, it is unlikely that these things will come to fruition.

New Year’s Resolutions tend to wither on the vine before February rolls around. Setting goals, making ‘to do’ lists, and having the best of intentions are simply not good enough. You have to have a big enough reason, a reason to get off the couch, a reason to do lots of things you don’t like or are outside of your comfort zone especially when you are tired, stressed, or already are overwhelmed with other things to do.

Pushing through inertia, internal resistance or challenges by sheer force of will in order to accomplish a goal is only something you can do for only a very limited time. It is draining, and it is hard work. But if you can fire up your imagination, identify a motivating reason for doing what is necessary, if you see the connection of your goal to your core values or overall life path, then the work flows easily and it is even fun. I call this ‘Finding Your Why’. And while having SMART goals is important, other elements are also needed to succeed.

Central Virginia Business Owners Meeting, February 4 at Noon

Roxanne Louise will be addressing the topic of goal setting including:

  • Why Resolutions and Goals Fail
  • SMART Goals & Beyond
  • Finding Your Why
  • Examples

MEETING LOCATION: Northside Library is located at 705 West Rio Road, Charlottesville, VA 22901 just one block west of Rt. 29. The meeting is free and open to all. And since it is lunchtime, you can also bring food in with you.

Finding Your Why!

The end of December and beginning of January are traditional times to reflect on the year past and set goals for the year ahead. People think about getting rid of bad habits and accomplishing a long list of things that they have never been able to do before. Yet unless they do something different, it is likely that these goals will not get done this year either.

New Year’s Resolutions tend to wither on the vine before February rolls around. Setting goals, making ‘to do’ lists, and having the best of intentions are simply not good enough. You have to have a big enough reason, a reason to get off the couch, a reason to do a bunch of things you don’t like or are outside of your comfort zone especially when you are tired, stressed, or there is a good movie on Netflix. This is what I call finding your ‘why’. 

Why New Year’s Resolutions and Goals Fail

In an earlier blog article “When Goals Lack Luster”I addressed part of why people do not achieve what they would like. Here they are:

  1. The goals are not really your goals. They sound good but really belong to someone else, hence, they don’t inspire you to take action. 
  2. Internal conflicts – there is a part of you that wants it, but also a part that doesn’t. Until you resolve it, you are literally fighting yourself.
  3. You either do not have a big enough reason or cannot see the connection to your core values or soul path to do the work necessary and overcome whatever challenges are involved.
  4. Negative beliefs, assumptions, and judgments
  5. Not knowing how to achieve these goals, who to turn to for help, the first steps to take, and not having faith that you can figure these things out as you go along.

But here, I would like to address #3 — finding the underlying reason why you want what you want especially focusing on your core values and primary life direction. This reason, which I call your ‘Why’ also relates to ‘Relevant’ in SMART goals listed below.

What are SMART goals?

SMART is an acronym for each element that needs to be in place for goal achievement:  

  • Specific (clear, concise goals writen down and described in detail),
  • Measurable (allowing you to track your progress with end date in mind ),
  • Achievable (challenging yet doable),
  • Relevant (fit in with your core values, overall life plan or purpose), and
  • Time-based (with dates for each part of the process).

To Achievable listed above, I would add that you need to BELIEVE that this goal is achievable even if no one has done it before, and you don’t have a clue yet how to do it yourself.

Setting SMART goals is commonly talked about in business circles because it takes goal setting out of the realm of fuzzy thinking into a clear action plan enhancing the likelihood of results.

A recent example of finding your WHY:

Right after Thanksgiving I took a train from Charlottesville, Virginia to New Jersey, picked up my son’s van and most essential belongings and drove about 3200 miles or 8 hours/day most days for 8 days to get them out to California in time for my son to start work at a job that he had only just gotten only a couple of weeks before. I had to hustle to schedule, organize, instruct caretakers for my farm, get animal houses cleaned, feed purchased, and everything ready, including getting my other businesses taken care of to make this happen.

Now, I should tell you that I hate driving and dislike leaving home especially when I don’t know where I am going and have to set up my own travel arrangements and accommodations along the way. I procrastinate endlessly when I have to go somewhere, usually waiting until the last moment. I worry incessantly about other people taking good care that my pets and farm animals are kept safe, well fed and sheltered appropriately, greenhouse and other plants watered, doors locked, etc. There are enough problems and emergencies that come up when I am here all day for me to tell you that these fears are based in reality.

And yet I offered to do this. Why? I had a big enough reason. I saw it as the only realistic solution that would allow my only child to start his wonderful new job on time, a job that would enhance the well-being of his entire family and fulfill their cherished dreams. And because of that reason, I put everything aside and got it done.

As a hypnotherapist, I work with a lot of smokers. Most important to their success is in having them identify their ‘why’. What do they want more than a cigarette? No one stops smoking because it is a good or healthy thing to do, or it costs too much, or other people are nagging them. No one stops even if doctors tell them that they have to stop. Lots of people continue to smoke after heart attacks, getting emphysema or cancer.  They only stop when they want something MORE.  

When your reason is clear and big enough, anything is possible. You will amaze yourself and others with what you can do. 

So as you look at your year ahead and what you would like to see happen this year, ask yourself

What is my ‘Why’?

 

Once you know that, then ask

And if it could work, how would it work?

 

Copyright 1/2019 by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and links to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com are included with the content.

 

 

When Goals Lack Luster

Confronting Your Malaise

Sometimes knowing what you want is fuzzy. Perhaps you have a vague feeling of wanting something more. Maybe you feel bored, stuck,  dissatisfied, restless or uneasy in your present situation, job, relationship, home, location. While some people just ‘suck it up’ and push forward with their normal routine anyway, thereby keeping their job and relationships intact, others self-medicate with food, booze, entertainment, etc. Some quit their jobs, leave their spouse, and go off to ‘find’ themselves and explore different options without any serious thought or destination in mind.

But staring your malaise in the face to clarify what is going on, and what you authentically want as opposed to what your family, society and the advertisers always hungry for your wages have programmed you to want, is something every adult needs to address in order to achieve real life satisfaction. Next follows the need to develop and follow a plan to make it happen.

External versus Internal Goals–what do you want?

Many times a person doesn’t achieve or follow through with their goals because they are not excited or inspired sufficiently to undertake the long-term and sustained action required for real achievement. Such goals may sound good. They may bring the approval of friends and family. While such goals may fall into the category of  being ‘practical’, ‘realistic’, socially respected, and lead to financial security, it is still important to tie anything to which you are going to be spending a lot of time, money, effort on doing to ultimately lead to deep, internal satisfaction for you. And while the road to your goal might involve learning and mastering a lot of things that do not interest you, it is doable IF you

keep your WHY in central focus.

For example, when I decided that I wanted to become an opera singer, the training required not only voice lessons, but piano lessons, music theory, learning foreign languages, dance and movement classes, memorization, and practicing vocal scales – the most boring of all. But I had supportive friends that sent me a card that inspired me. The card started with a fund-raising brochure put out by the Metropolitan Opera in NYC. The front pictured a legendary fat soprano with the words “The MET needs you!” To this, my friends put my name. So the card now read “The MET needs you, Roxanne”. This sat on my piano music stand encouraging me to do those ‘stupid’ scales. Oh, as postscript, I did go later to work at the MET first as Executive Secretary to the Orchestra Manager, and later singing onstage in the chorus multiple times with visiting reknown ballet companies. 

What Mama (or Dad) Wants

Many parents insist that their offspring follow goals that they have chosen for them – doctor, lawyer, Indian Chief. These include academic, sports, or creative as well as professional pursuits.

For example, in my youth, many children were unwillingly pushed into music lessons and the daily practice. But even though the goal was external to the child, that child may have later developed their own joy of making music and pursued it willingly, developing enough skill to please themselves and others. And whether music became a professional pursuit later on or not, that forced musical education had multiple benefits in teaching self-discipline, striving for excellence, appreciation for music and creating something of beauty. It might have also become a satisfying hobby or part-time way of making additional money. The same can be true of other externally applied goals.

But long term, trying to live out someone else’s dream or goals for you tends to lack passion and backfire even if on the surface it sounds laudable and your head says that you should want it. Like so many New Year’s Resolutions, the work towards such goals peters out unless it is clearly seen as a means to an end you really want for yourself.

If the driving motivation of ‘nice’ or ‘should goals’ is external and not coming from inside your core self, knowing then how to communicate with your core self is hugely helpful to clarify the direction of your long-term and soul satisfying path.

Obstacles, or why don’t you have what you want already?

Perhaps, after embarking upon your own goals, you run into a problem or conflict you didn’t know you had. For example, in a hypnosis seminar, the instructor asked us all to visualize a personal goal as if we already had achieved it. Mine was to be able to buy a big, beautiful house. Initially thrilled imaging that this house was mine, I then noticed that I was quickly disquieted. Who was going to clean it? I have always disliked housework. I would have to hire people to help me, and this brought up an uncomfortable feeling of having ‘servants’, of being the employer, boss, of being on elevated position over others, telling others what to do. Where did this come from? Had resentment against the ruling class, of master versus slave, boss versus worker, lord versus peasant somehow creeped into my DNA from ancestors past? Had I identified from characters in books, history class or had I had unpleasant experiences in possible past lives? 

Whatever the source, internal conflicts will always sabotage your efforts and have to be resolved.

But even once you know what the conflict is, you may not know how to resolve it. There may be aspects to achieving your objective that involve learning new things, developing knowledge or skills in which you have no interest or actively dislike. You may lack belief in yourself to overcome them. Such challenges may bring up past humiliation or pain.

You have to have a big enough reason to overcome challenges. Why do you want what you want?

Without a clear, driving vision of the end goal and the belief in yourself that you can overcome whatever challenges that come up, you will lose momentum. Obstacles have the potential of putting your dreams into the closet where they gather dust and die if you don’t have the tools, the belief in yourself, the motivation and vision to get through the challenge. Knowing how to brainstorm for solution is a big help here with dowsing being of major assistance.

Journaling for Goal Setting and Problem Resolution

Writing forces you to clarify things. Write down one question at a time and then attempt to answer it. If you don’t know how to dowse, journal. In journaling, write as if you were speaking bluntly with a trusted friend without any self-censorship. Then go back and reread everything you have written, rewriting it ever more concisely until you can sum up the essence into a short paragraph or sentence and you feel comfortable that you have ‘nailed it’. If not, keep writing until you do. 

Challenge negative beliefs

Where you find negative beliefs or judgments, worry or fear, challenge them. Who says you can’t ____? Who says that it’ll never work? Instead, ask the question:

If it could work, how would it work?

Every goal has challenges, and every challenge is a call for you to rise to the occasion and grow. Going through the process leads to increased abilities, confidence, self-esteem and a real feeling of accomplishment.

fullsizeoutput_2cAnother way to resolve your malaise is to just focus on a question in meditation or self-hypnosis and let it roll around in your mind without needing an immediate answer. I do this through the Infinite Intelligence Process, which is a modality I have put together in a book entitled Accessing More – Tapping Into the Eternal, Unlimited Self with the Infinite Intelligence Process.  

Under the section called ‘Connect’, there is the opening phrase, “There’s a part of me that knows _____, and that part is _____ (guiding me now, bringing that information into conscious awareness, assisting me to do this in a way in which I am really pleased, etc.).” Here again, just allow yourself to drift into a meditative/self hypnotic state. Hold the question in mind without needing an answer. Over time, your subconscious mind will bring things to your attention, and synchronicities will occur.

Below are some sample questions to ask: 

  • Why am I feeling ____ regarding ____?  
  • What is underneath this feeling of _____?
  • If I could support myself anywhere, where would I want to live?
  • How could I support myself living in ____ (name of location)?
  • How could I support myself doing ____ while living in ____?
  • If I could support myself doing anything I like, what would be most satisfying to my soul? 
  • What does my spirit want to do ____ (now, short term, long term, as my life’s work)?
  • What kind of work can I do right now that would help me to eventually be able to do/become ____ in the future?
  • What kind of work is most in keeping with my soul desired life’s path?
  • What kind of work combines my main interests and abilities?

Writing Dowsing Charts and Checklists

Finding the right answers starts with asking the right questions. 

In my opinion, dowsing is the fastest way to gather information, determine the underlying dynamics, and solve problems of any sort. Start with writing down your question on the top of a page. Next, brainstorm possible answers in a list format or spread out in a fan or circle format. Include the word ‘other’. 

If you are working with a list, then turn the page to the side so the widest part of the page is on the horizontal line. Without looking at the words, but either with relaxed eyes staring into space, or focused at the bottom of the page, hold the pendulum in your hand and let it pull your hand in the direction of the appropriate line. Then look, and read what it says.

For example, if you were trying to figure out your emotions, you would list possible emotions, including the word other. Then you would ask:

  • What is the main reason I am feeling ____ about ____?
  • What is the next main reason I am feeling ____ about ____?

Continue, until there are no more emotions indicated. 

Next, because emotions come from beliefs, judgments or thoughts, write a list of possible ones, such as “people should (or shouldn’t) do ____”. Then dowse:

  • What is main thought or judgment underneath this feeling of _____?
  • What is next main thought or judgment underneath this feeling of _____?

Keep brainstorming and dowsing until you have a complete picture. Then work on addressing/healing any issues uncovered. Some of this work will entail straight forward problem solving, such as the below:

  • Who can help me with ____?
  • What are my next steps? (dowse out priorities)
  • Is anything preventing me from moving forward with this?
  • How motivated am I to do what it takes to accomplish this goal? 
  • Do I have any fears or limiting beliefs that ___ (are likely to, could) sabotage me in achieving this? If you get a ‘yes’, brainstorm what they might be and dowse out.
  • How can I make this required task easier, interesting or even fun?

Working below the level of conscious awareness

In some cases, you will not identify the cause of your malaise or failure. I then suggest  turning over the healing/resolution to what some call the ‘healer within’ or one’s spiritual dimension. I do this again with the Infinite Intelligence Process as listed earlier, “There’s a part of me that knows… and is doing so now.”

But there is another part to that process that is called “Process”. It installs a stress management program either with dowsing, meditation or hypnosis and then turns the healing over. For example, “From the perspective of my High Self, process and ____ (heal, clarify, release, resolve) ____ in a way in which I am really pleased.” If I am doing this with dowsing, I add “Take action now with the pendulum, and let me know when it is complete.” Both techniques are fully described in my book Accessing More–Tapping Into the Wisdom Within with the Infinite Intelligence Process.

In conclusion,

Overcoming malaise and obstacles in reaching your goals is made infinitely easier when you have a big enough ‘why’, when they are your goals, and you work with your inner resources every step of the way. I look forward to hearing about your own journey.

Copyright 1/9/2019 by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and links to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com are included with the content.

 

 

 

 

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