Upset as Opportunity

Fuming over what you don’t like and the people you hold responsible for it may let off steam, but it burns up your precious life force energy and it doesn’t change anything! 

I suggest that you as quickly as possible accept that what happened, and is now history. Fuming doesn’t change history. The question is

What do you want to do about it?

How can you use it constructively?

Can you turn it into a blessing?

As I have said in previous posts, deliberately choose to look for a way to turn every experience especially the upsetting ones into a blessing. This will happen if you grow, if you learn something positive, if you take constructive action on things that previously you neglected or let slide, and if you finally turn your attention to dealing with wounds and issues long past but never resolved.

When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, miracles of positive change can occur!

You can train yourself to use upset as a powerful

  • catalyst for healing yourself and
  • as motivation to create something better.

Here’s how.

Write the answers to the questions below. If you have trouble identifying them, brainstorm possible answers on paper and dowse them out. If you don’t know how to dowse, brainstorm anyway. Then close your eyes and ask yourself the question again. Or just write and write until you get to the core issue.

  • What’s happening that I don’t want?
  • What’s not happening that I do want?
  • What’s the key issue here?
  • What are my thoughts about what’s happening?
  • What are my emotions about it?
  • What do I want to happen instead?
  • What’s the essence of what I want?
  • What’s stopping me from getting it?
  • Is there another way to get the essence of what I want?
  • When were other times that something similar happened?
  • When was the earliest time that something similar to this happened?

Work your way through all of these questions, addressing them as you go.

Then ask some further questions:

  • How did I contribute in any way to what happened?
  • What positive steps can I make or what changes need to occur so this doesn’t happen again?
  • How can I improve my ____ (communication, follow-through, systems, etc.) so that my _____ (business, relationships) are actually better as a result of what happened?

Doing all of the above will move you forward.

Heal yourself rather than trying to change someone else!

Recently I spoke with someone who was upset because he had been unable to get someone else to change. He had tried talking to the person, but wasn’t getting anywhere. I suggested that he first identify and then address his own emotions and his thoughts around it before speaking to the person again so that they would not cause the person to tune him out.

In other words, if you are emotionally upset, you will make the other person defensive, and less likely to even consider changing their behavior and do what you want. You need to find a way to speak to the person from a neutral place, or better yet, from a place of common ground.

One way of starting that process is to detach your worth, your self-esteem from what someone else is doing. Each person acts out of who they are, not from who you are. And incidentally, people never change for you. They may moderate their behavior somewhat if the negative consequences are great enough. But they never change for you.

Eliminate the ‘shoulds and shouldn’ts’

Another initial step to reduce your upset is to eliminate the idea that people should or shouldn’t be any certain way or do anything according to your standards. Those self-righteous judgment calls are responsible for a great deal of stress. However, once you clarify the behavior you don’t want and the behavior you do want, you will be able to clearly communicate it to the other person.

As he labeled the other person as controlling, I suggested that he could turn this situation into a blessing if he could identify and then heal all similar experiences starting with the first time he was upset because of controlling behavior. In other words, this annoying current event might be viewed as positive by alerting him to a host of unresolved similar events festering in his unconscious not only causing him stress but setting up a negative repeating pattern.

My own experience

Years ago I was being constantly hit with the energy of jealousy. I could always tell when the conference brochures hit the mailboxes, because I could feel the red hot feverish flames blasting in my face, and it made me jittery and hard to focus. Once in giving a presentation of how and why to integrate Reiki with hypnosis, I could feel the arrows coming from 3 distinct locations in the room. So I asked the Reiki Masters present to stand, and guess what? They were sitting in the very same locations. These weren’t bad people, they just must have thought that they could or should have been the ones speaking on the topic I had chosen.

While I had previously worked diligently to heal my distress because of other people’s jealousy of me, it had not stopped the negative pattern until I dealt with the root cause.  As I thought about the first time this issue had occurred , I turned my attention to the lifelong problematic relationship with my sister that started in early childhood. Only after I healed that, did the negative pattern stop. I have not been affected since.

Whether any one is or has been jealous of me since, I don’t feel it anymore. I am not impacted. My energy is no longer drained.

Moral of the story:

Heal the root cause to stop the pattern.

Make positive changes going forward.

And if you do that, it will have been a blessing.

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

 

I AM…so happy and grateful…

“In the beginning was the word.” Genesis

Hypnotists understand the power that words have to powerfully impact upon your life. The most important words being “I am” followed by anything else. “I AM” has incredible creative power.

Hypnosis teaches that the subconscious mind, which controls all habits and automatic behaviors, is constantly listening to everything that you say. Through repetition, words program the subconscious, and that subconscious programming leads you to be inclined to do or not do, to notice or not, to just happen to be in the right time and place for whatever you have programmed into your inner mind to occur for better or worse.

Yet how often instead of deliberately helping yourself, you identify with the negative by saying anyway “I am ___ (sick, broke, tired, burnt out, overwhelmed)” etc. And even though I know better, I catch myself doing it too.

I have found a helpful antidote through the phrase 

“I AM so happy and grateful that ___.”

 

The moment I say that I am happy and grateful I notice that it truly starts to shift my mood. Then I follow with more statements, quickly listing a bunch of things that do, in fact, make me happy, or for which I am genuinely grateful. I start with statements that I honestly believe. In starting with the easy things, it sets up the right frame of mind for me then to shift gears on those areas that need help or in which I need to manifest a positive outcome. It is important, however, to state these other things in a way in which you can believe them. Saying something you think is impossible will only backfire. 

First, I start with anything is easily true for me:

“I AM so happy and grateful that it’s a beautiful day. 

“I AM so happy and grateful that the sun is shining.

“I AM so happy and grateful that the flowers are starting to bloom.

“I AM so happy and grateful to live in this beautiful place.

Then I make statements to shift my attitude in a positive way on a challenge I need to resolve:

“I AM so happy and grateful that I have reliable, capable help to ____ at a price I can easily afford.

“I AM so happy and grateful that I quickly attract the very best tenants into my property at ____ Street. 

Finally, I visualize it as done and soak up the good feelings of that happy completion.

Personal Story

Years ago I was sponsored to teach throughout India. On a day off I went to a botanical park. The cab driver dropped me off at the entrance and said that I should walk straight through the park and he would meet me at the exit. Fine.

So I walked through this delightful but huge gated park. When I had enough, I went out the exit upon which the gate locked behind me. However, there was no cab driver. So I had to walk all around the outside of the park back to the entrance and try again.

This time I saw a fork in the path, and took it. Sure enough, there was another exit, and out I went. Again the gate locked behind me, and, you guessed it – no cab driver. So for the second time I walked around the fence back to the entrance, again looking for yet another exit. Found it, and hooray – lots of cabs. Unfortunately, not mine. The cabbies said that my driver got tired of waiting and left. So, once more I walked around the perimeter back to the entrance whereupon they kind attendant who luckily spoke English called my hotel and sponsor.

While I was angry, tired, hot and thirsty, depressed, and just fed up, I gritted my teeth and focused on anything for which I could be grateful. “I’m glad I have feet. I’m grateful I can walk. I am glad to be here in India instead of Newark, New Jersey right now.”

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

Help Yourself & Others Release Anger without Killing Anyone!

updated 4/13/20

Have you ever thought of ANGER AS OPPORTUNITY? or TEACHER? or MOTIVATOR? or CHOICE?

Understanding the underlying dynamics of your upset helps you to harness anger so it actually accomplishes some good and, hopefully, does no harm to you or others.

Over a lifetime, I have had the ‘opportunity and motivation’ pushing me to learn something about unconscious forces, and mental and emotional healing.
“Necessity is the Mother of invention.” 
Some of what I have learned has been compiled in a 154 page content rich manual, Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone, to assist you personally, and to assist you to help others. Whether you are a spouse, parent, employer, employee, mental health practitioner, I feel strongly that there is something in this book for you that can assist to make your conversations more productive, your relationships more harmonious, your life more effective, your sleep more restful and your health improved, all leading to overall greater inner resources and peace of mind. I know that this information works because I use it regularly to help myself, my friends, my clients and students.
 This is some of what the book covers.
  • Become aware of underlying beliefs, judgments, faulty assumptions or perceptions that cause anger!
  • Learn more effective communication skills to both avoid unnecessary problems and to address the ones you have!
  • Learn to maintain and regain balance and perspective quickly!
  • Set better boundaries!
  • Learn to fight clean and stop conversations from spiraling downwards!
  • Learn more effective coping skills!
  • Take effective action without the baggage of the past!
  • Use anger to grow in maturity and cast off leftovers of childhood!
  • Allow anger to locate and address your own unhealed wounds!
  • Understand the underlying dynamics of anger!
  • Learn to deal with what is instead of wasting precious energy in resistance!
  • Notice negative patterns and screw them up!
  • Understand and dissolve triggers!
  • Nip anger in the bud by noticing and taking action at the first warning signs!
  • Understand physical reasons for anger so you can address them!
  • Use anger as motivation for much needed healing and change!
  • Make your adversaries help you!
  • Learn the benefits of anger
ReleasingAngerCoverpng
      TEACH RIGHT OUT OF THE BOOK!
Cartoon above is from http://beartoons.com

How to Deal with Overload

Start by reading Dealing with Overload if you haven’t done so first.

Where do you start?

The short answer is —ANYWHERE YOU CAN!

I like to start with deep breathing because it is instant stress relief. Taking deep breaths will start to release fear, paralysis, and clear the mind. To think straight on how to solve a problem, you have first to get oxygen to the brain. Even a few, slow, deep breaths will help. Any physical exercise, singing, dancing, heavy duty housework, chopping wood, laughing– all make you breathe.

Add music as it will instantly change your mood. If you need to accomplish physical work, combine it with energizing/happy music. Whereas, if you need to accomplish mental work, then combine it with soothing, relaxing music.

My top picks are to 

  • meditate for a few minutes to clear my mind and affirm that I have access to internal resources to do what is needed
  • do some needed task, no matter how small

Sometimes I need to get totally away from things, and just do something relaxing or fun. This is the point of vacations — rest and renewal. This clears out the paralysis and gives me energy that I can then harness to address important issues. Make sure that any ‘fun’ item is not just mindless, time wasting like t.v./internet, but something like being with people you love and care about, or singing, dancing, laughing, sports, etc. that makes you breathe, releases stuck energy out of the body, and shifts your mood. Give yourself a time limit.

Then move to the current problem. Write down various things that have to be done to resolve whatever is overwhelming you, and do whatever you can that you can tackle it immediately. This might as simple as making some phone calls, setting an appointment, scheduling for some help. You do not have to know everything you need to do, just the next step. Do that!

If you don’t know what to do to resolve the issue that is overwhelming you, do other tasks that will be then out of the way for when you do know what to do with the area of concern. This could be your everyday needed tasks like washing the dishes, doing the laundry, food shopping, cooking, etc. I have found that getting your energy moving in any direction, relieves the paralysis in other areas. 

Get help

Find someone who likes solving your type of problem and is good at it. For example, if your house is a mess and that is draining your energy just to look at it, find someone to come in and help you. If you can afford it, hire someone and delegate it. If not, barter, trade with a friend. In other words, I’ll trade you two hours with you coming to my house and helping me do ____ on Saturday, and I’ll come to help you do whatever you want help with for two hours the following week.

Just as two heads are better than one in solving a problem, four hands make the work go faster. When I hire someone to clean, I normally work with them doing those things that are best left to me. This might mean cleaning out a drawer or closet. If you work along with someone else, not only are you doubling the progress, but the other person will keep you on track, and the socialization while you work can even be fun. 

Again, if money is an issue, find some other way to make it work. For example, I had some extra bedrooms in my house and at one time used the rent to pay for needed help. At other times, I traded a room for their labor in my house or farm. I bartered hypnosis for massage. I registered with a local Time Bank to use my skills to get help I needed. Many years ago, I traded babysitting with a couple of other mothers. Ask yourself, how can I get the help I need with ____? What do I have to sell/barter/share? Who can help me with ___? 

Goal Setting 

Lessening overload will always entail goal setting and ordinary problem solving. As mentioned, get the energy moving any way you can by doing something. Then do the next easiest task, and the next. For example, when I have to clean house, I start with the smallest, easiest room. This is usually the bathroom. Then I move on to the next easiest room, and so on. By the time, I get to the hardest room, I am already feeling better by seeing so much of the house looking good that I am in a more hopeful, better mood to take on the bigger job whether that day or the next.

However, some people like to tackle the hardest thing that they are avoiding first. What works for me in tacking whatever I find overwhelming is to get someone to work with me. It bypasses procrastination and generates tremendous energy that persists even after they leave. Having someone work with you is tremendously helpful because they are not emotionally invested in your problem. They may also have the skills you need and enjoy using them. They see solution where you just see problem. They are energized by your challenge, and you are drained. Their approach and possibility thinking can be positively contagious.

Be accountable to someone for taking action.

A client wanted help in getting rid of procrastination so that she could complete a writing project. So besides doing hypnosis, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) on procrastination and non-beneficial beliefs, I made a contract with her. She made a commitment to do  x_ pages and/or _x_  time writing, and I would rewrite/edit one chapter of a book I was working on. At the end of each day we were to email each other on what we had done. She submitted her short stories for a competition, and I completed a rewrite of my self-hypnosis book. It helped us both. You can make a similar contract with a friend.

Develop a do-able strategy or plan of attack.

Make lists and prioritize. Put it on the calendar. Then start checking off as you accomplish each thing. Make a note each night on what you have accomplished. Seeing progress as things are crossed off will make you feel better. If you don’t know how to set up a strategy, ask someone else. There are many forums, meet-ups, business organizations that offer help.

Can you make it fun?

Perhaps you can listen to something interesting as you work. For example, I used to put the Saturday Matinee broadcast of the Metropolitan Opera on while I was working in the kitchen. During that broadcast, not only did the kitchen get cleaned, but I did my major food preparation/ cooking for the week. That cooking made sure that I was going to eat right –important if you are to maintain a high level of energy. Because I was so mesmerized by the heavenly music, I was not caught up in “woe is me,” or “I hate doing this”, etc. I follow the same strategy with other mundane tasks.

If you have to go out and do something you have been avoiding, can you go with a friend or meet up afterwards? For example, I have friends who take a friend to their doctor visits. I know others who join a gym together, or go for a regularly scheduled walk. They get their exercise done and socialize at the same time. Make a commitment, and you will get it done. 

Pay attention to basic self-care

Sleep, good nutrition, contact with others that care about you, fun and humor all provide the energy you need to solve problems and get out from under. Positive energy has to be coming in both to the physical body and to the spirit so that burnout does not occur. Find a way to get more coming in than is going out. 

Pay attention to your self-talk

Your thoughts will help or hinder you. They will make it easier or harder. Become aware and shift from the negative ones quickly. Here are some: “Sooner or later, I figure it out.” “I find a way that works for me.” “I get the help I need to do this.” “I take it one step at a time.”

More Ways of How to Deal With Overload 

There are a thousand ways to get rid of being overwhelmed. My favorite way is my own Infinite Intelligence Process. See Accessing More–Tapping into the Eternal, Unlimited Self with the Infinite Intelligence Process . Another book, Your Unlimited Potential will teach you self-hypnosis, stress management, Walking Mantras, and goal setting. The Emotional Freedom Technique is also very helpful, and I teach it to ALL my students and clients. 

Questions? 

Call me: Roxanne Louise at 434-263-4337 or email me at RoxanneLouise2@gmail.com. 

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in other free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

PUBLISHED: Releasing Anger without Killing Anyone!

Just Published!!!!

beartoons-anger    Cartoon citation: beartoons.com

Releasing Anger Without Killing Anyone!

by Roxanne Louise

An entire Anger Management Course!

Teach right out of the book!

Use it to help yourself! Use it to help others! 

A jam-packed guide on how to:

√ Turn anger into a blessing! 

√ Shift anger into constructive action! 

√ Use your challenges to improve yourself, your business, relationships & your life!

    • Understand the underlying dynamics! 
    • Change how you look at things so that they don’t bother you nearly as much! 
    • Make your enemies & problems help you! 
    • Harness anger as motivation to heal & make much needed change! 
    • Communicate more effectively! 
    • Fight clean! 
    • Stop conversations from spiraling downwards! 
    • Notice negative patterns & screw them up! 
    • Take effective action without the baggage!
    • Enjoy your life despite the crap!

Jam Packed Tips, Strategies, Techniques & Visualizations! 

Turn Everything Into a Blessing!

154 pages. Just $29.95 plus $5 shipping.  Order here: https://www.roxannelouise.com/releasing-anger.html

In addition to covering this information with clients over the years, I have taught this material at numerous hypnosis conventions including workshops at the National Guild of Hypnotists Convention and the National Association of Transpersonal Hypnotherapists.

 

The Relationship Between Fear and Depression, Breath and Posture

How You Breathe Can Lessen Fear 

A recent study by Christina Zelano at Northwestern University indicates that breathing in through the nose as opposed to the mouth helps a person to respond more quickly to fear and knowing this can help you to deal with it. 

“We can potentially use this fact to our advantage. For example if you’re in a dangerous environment with fearful stimuli, our data indicates that you can respond more quickly if you are inhaling through your nose.” ~Christina Zelano

But, what I would add to this is that it is NOT ENOUGH to just breathe through the nose, but to BREATHE DEEPLY and FULLY. 

My understanding is that the first reaction of fear is to freeze the breathing mechanism – in other words, to hold the breath. This is the deer in the headlights syndrome while you are evaluating what to do (run/fight or stay in freeze). The fastest way I have found to discharge that fear is then to deliberately take a deep, big breath. Followed by other deep, regulated breaths, the mind quiets down.

Deep Breathing Lessens Depression & Fatigue Too!

As a former classical singer with NYC Opera and elsewhere, I noticed that deep breathing whether through the nose or mouth through the process of singing, dancing will process out the debilitating emotions of fear and depression as well as fatigue. While music also plays a significant part, I am sure this significant improvement has much to do with the increased oxygen reaching the brain. Classical singers while singing, for example, breathe four times as deeply as people at rest. Increased breathing and oxygen intake through any form of exercise will put you in a better frame of mind and in a more emotionally balanced state where you are able to think more clearly and make more rational decisions. 

Posture is Important 

Deep breathing is aided by an erect posture that allows the rib cage to expand. Then a person must train themselves to keep the chest still while breathing  deeper down that fully engages the diaphragm. This means that the belly moves in and out with each breath.

Good posture makes better breathing possible, and greater oxygenation of the brain allows a better processing of emotions. But posture is by itself relevant to mood and energy levels. Multiple studies indicate that good posture, holding the head erect and eyes looking forward rather than down [downward facing eyes puts a person into their emotions] lessens depression and fatigue! There are multiple such articles cited on the internet indicating that simply choosing to alter body posture to a more upright position is a quick shortcut to improve mood and energy levels. 

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.  

Mistakes, Regrets & Moving On

I was listening to Oprah Winfrey saying that “there are no mistakes because you have a supreme destiny.. There is a supreme moment of destiny, of calling on your life. Your job is to feel that, to hear that, to know that ….Sometimes when you are not listening you get off track…but it’s all leading to the same path. There are no wrong paths.…you learn as much from your losses as you do from your victories.”
 

When you are overwhelmed with a challenge,

 
“get still and ask what is the next right move, and from that space, ask what is the next right move, and the next right move…You are not defined by what someone says is a failure for you. Failure is just there to point you in a different direction.”iu-2
citation: http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1588759/images/o-OPRAH-facebook.jpg

 

Personally, I have regrets made from being over confident or under confident.

I have made lots of mistakes, some really, really stupid, unwise, disastrous, painful, expensive mistakes. Sometimes overconfident of my abilities, I have thrust myself full into relationships, careers, relocations, obligations, purchases, financial matters without really understanding what it would mean–the ramifications of it and whether I was capable not just at that moment to handle it, but whether it would be sustainable and desirable long term.

 
 
On the other hand, sometimes reeling from the pain of previous mistakes or regrets, I might have been under confident, and did not take the leap of faith to track down and seize a new opportunity, relationship or experience. Sometimes I didn’t think I was good enough, worthy, capable, and so held back. Or that the carrot dangling in front of me was just a tease and would be snatched away at the last moment causing me more pain at rejection or failure. Sometimes I just needed time to lick my wounds before risking again.
 
BUT I have learned from all of my mistakes, although, unfortunately, not right away. Some  I made over and over again until it became obvious that I needed to do something different, that it wasn’t a matter of trying harder or tweeking my approach.
 
 

The value of your mistakes

 

Mistakes, failures all teach you a lot. All of the wisdom I gained from my own has gone into helping others. They have caused me to be more empathetic to others, to understand what they are going through, and how they can move out of it. I can now provide the candle of hope for them that there is  life on the other side of even major mistakes precisely because I have been there, done that. And so can you.

 
 
As a small child, I sat at the feet of my amazing and wise grandmothers and listened to their stories. By age 4, I decided that above all I wanted to achieve wisdom in my life. However, wisdom comes from experience, and that includes mistakes and failure, and sometimes regrets.
 

 

Learning and moving on

 
My new mantra is “I turn everything into a blessing”. Or sometimes, I just say “how can I turn this into  a blessing?” I look for something I can learn regardless of how I feel or felt about what happened. This means that I get far less stressed or aggravated about new unpleasantries than before. I bounce back faster. As my outside ages, I get better on the inside. And so can you.
 
Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.            

Staying Balanced in Midst of Chaos & Conflict

414b5chhynl citation

Getting Sucked Down the Rabbit Hole

Realizing that I was definitely off center with the intense emotions before and after the 2016 US Presidential Election, I had to regain my equilibrium. I had gotten lost in a litany of distressing events and obsessed with surfing the internet for news to try to understand what was happening and why. As a result, I was vacillating in the emotional sea of worry, upset, depression and gloom.

Reconnecting with My Core

I needed to practice what I preach as a stress management expert. While I think it is imperative to be informed about current events, the forces that are guiding those events, and the big picture of overall trends, there has to be a balance between awareness with detachment and then action if appropriate. A long view of history shows continuous conflicts. Yet mankind has continued and some progress has been made. While there are global and national issues to be addressed, there are also local and personal issues as well. One still has to carry water and chop wood, but being aware of myself as a soul, as a spiritual being and consciousness beyond time and space, helps me immensely. 

Basic Self Care

Balancing the mind and emotions has to start with adequate sleep as the foundation along with wholesome food and exercise. I practice Donna Eden’s 5 minute exercise routine, which helps balance the brain and body so I can think better, raises vitality and gets the body’s energy to flow properly. I also drink Source Energy Medicine (energized water). Besides hydrating the system, it is intended to raise your vibration while it deals with health issues. 

Stress Management

40580f831cc2f1219357730c661ae625 I have many tools for this , but the first thing I do to dump stress and clear my mind so that I can see things more clearly is to use the Infinite Intelligence Process that I have written about in Accessing More — Tapping Into the Eternal, Unlimited Self with the Infinite Intelligence Process. One part of this three-pronged modality is to set up a hypnotic or dowsing program (several paragraphs long) that is run by a shortcut command consisting of 2 trigger words. I use the words “process” and “go” to run the program. For example,

“From the perspective of my High Self, process and resolve everything I have read and heard on the news and internet today. Keep only what is true, relevant and important, and discard the rest. Release any unnecessary fear or worry so that I can sleep peacefully through the night. Go.”

What is mine to do?

If I am going to pick a battle to fight, an issue to address, and a way of making a difference, I need to prioritize. What is my job to do? Where can I make a difference? Perhaps all that I can do quickly is to make others aware of what is going on. Perhaps I can sign a petition, send an email to appropriate parties. A colleague advocates getting involved in town meetings. And I agree that locally is where most of our power lies. But it comes back to asking where I want to focus my energy.

To help me make better choices, I use another part of the Infinite Intelligence Process, which is to affirm that I already have an inner wisdom that is resourceful and capable of meeting any challenge and making decisions. I start out with “there is a part of me that knows____ and that part is ___.” I let the words sink in without having to consciously know the answers. Rather, I trust that by just saying/thinking it with assurance that some divine wisdom is accessible to me, something is initiated to make it true. In the best sense of the word, it is a statement of faith that activates change on an unconscious level. For example,

“There is a part of my being that knows the best use of my time, energy and resources today. And that part is making that information conscious now in a way that ever more efficiently guides my actions. I am surrounded with whatever I need to use those resources wisely and effectively. I know what to do and how to proceed.”

The Importance of Setting Meaningful Goals

Goal setting is not about having a ‘to do’ list, although specific action designed to move you closer to achieving major goals will be on that list. I am talking about setting goals as objectives that inspire you to achieve things truly meaningful to you. Having meaningful goals helps me to focus my energies in a positive direction and to use my time and energy wisely. However, in between projects, I can get sidetracked just as I was recently. So I need to set new goals as I just finished with my classes and conferences for the year. Without clear objectives and meaningful goals, I can wallow in non-productive rumination and activities. I am reminded of the folk saying

“Idleness is the devil’s playground.”

Looking for the Good

Keeping a keen awareness of all the good, the beautiful and the love that is the world creates balance. I need to hear some good news, and physically connect with people and hug them. This helps me to maintain hope and keep my concern about the bad things happening and worry about the future in check.

Years ago when I was going through separation and a divorce, I would ask people to tell me a joke. I really needed to laugh. And as they rattled through a joke or two, I did laugh. Then as I retold that joke to the next person, I laughed again. They laughed, and we all built up a repertoire that kept our spirits bouncing despite whatever challenges any of us were facing.

Random Acts of Kindness

Probably the fastest way to feel better and get out of your own head and put your problems aside for a while is to do something for someone else. It always helps me and just feels good to help others. I think I am sometimes the guardian angel for all those turtles trying to cross the road. So on my list of things to regularly do to keep myself grounded and centered, I am going to deliberately look for more ways to help somebody else.

Count Your Blessings

While I periodically count my blessings, I now commit to make it an essential part of my daily routine. Some people already do this as part of their evening prayers, or when offering a prayer before a meal. When stressed, it helps to remember that regardless of what is upsetting me or might happen in the future, for today I have a roof over my head, food to eat, running water and electricity. For today, I have many blessings. Then I just do what I can for that day. Planning helps. Action helps. Worry doesn’t.

Write a Letter of Appreciation

Recently, I came across the name of Martin Seligman, psychologist, former president of the American Psychological Association, author of the classic books Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness, and founder of the Positive Psychology movement. He advocates writing a letter of appreciation to someone who has touched your life. This is not a new idea, but a very powerful one. I can tell you for myself, that receiving a sincere compliment or heartfelt thank you totally makes your day. And especially if it is written down where you can reread it, the message touches your heart again and again. Such a letter blesses the author as well as the receiver.

Gratitude

Seligman also recommends that you practice daily remembering  Three Good Things, also called the Three Blessings. Basically, in the evening, you write down three good things that happened that day. But this is more than a simple inventory of things for which you are grateful. He asks you to think of why that happened, or what traits about yourself allowed you to appreciate or enjoy those things. Thinking of good things increases your well-being and lifts depression. But thinking of what you did, or what it was that allowed you to notice or appreciate those things, makes you will recognize that you have the ability to bring happiness to yourself and others.  

“Go to where the problem isn’t.” 

I remember the quote above by Deepak Chopra. Deliberately move yourself physically or at least mentally to a place devoid of the problem. This is the point of a vacation. But at home, you might take yourself for a walk. Or just look around and focus on any good thing you see. It might a squirrel going after nuts, or a pair of them chasing one another up a tree. It could be the mist coming up off the low ground, or a brilliance of the fall leaves, or playing with your pets or children. I know someone who regularly buys flowers. Staring at a bouquet can be a meditation in itself. For me, I might just hang out with the piggies or the new born bunnies.

 Pippies5onMommy1    bunny2days 

Spend a moment of ABSOLUTE ATTENTION on something/anything else.

Break the pattern. Distract the mind. Do something fun or interesting.

Maybe you visit a friend or loved one or do something fun. Comedies help as does reading an interesting book, doing meditation, having a hot bath, or getting bodywork. I know someone who bounces on a trampoline. My son surfs. Skiing, mountain climbing, tennis and other sports force you to be totally focused in the moment. 

But wherever you are, day or night, there is some place you can go to at least in your mind. Think of any place or anyone that makes you feel good. Do you have photos handy? Are they hung up where you see them regularly? Take a moment to stare at the photo, and get in touch with the love that is there, the happy memory as if it is happening all over again.

 Use Music

Music is an instant state changer so keep handy both calming music and happy, upbeat ones to help you. The power of this is that when you go back to addressing issues, you are re-energized, able to make better decisions, and more effective action.

Celebrate

Lastly, life is about celebration and sharing of life with one another. Sing, dance, have a party. Or as a Yiddish toast goes, L’Chaim, which means:

TO LIFE! 

If you think I can help you, here is my offer of  a free 30 minute phone session during the Months of December and January on any question relevant to hypnosis, stress management, mind-body healing, Reiki or dowsing. Call 434-263-4337.

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.  

 

 

Before you unplug or disconnect…

To help you maintain a positive attitude that is so necessary to be happy, healthy, and succeed in any area of life, it is very commonly  advocated that you

  1. stop listening to the news,  ignore what is going on in the world, and to
  2. disconnect with the ‘negative people’ in your life.

What’s wrong with that?

1. Mankind’s very survival has depended upon paying attention. So has the existence of democracy and freedom.

Fail to take prompt, prudent, appropriate action, and you lose it. Better advice would be to be discerning in one’s news sources. As journalist Naomi Wolf has recently said, it is “crazy” not to check out what the media is saying because so much of it is propaganda, or ‘spin’. World events are sometimes ‘theatre, spectacle’ — false flag events put on deliberately to sway public opinion, to control and manipulate, and to receive approval for political response. See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOh2vLp49js

She says that there is practically no real journalism happening anymore. News sources are not checked to see if accurate before reporting, so some have been blatantly false. Also, not mentioned by her but true is that almost all of American news sources (t.v., radio, newspapers) are owned by only 6 people. This limits the viewpoints expressed, and causes the very same ‘news’ scripts to be read on multiple channels. So it is important to look for accurate, trustworthy news sources that can alert you to developments that are important to support or snuff out. Then turn off the rest.

2. What you do not see, you cannot address, so the situation continues to fester and deteriorate.

I dare you to ‘think positive’ about the ’empty tank’ fuel gage on your car, or to the leak dripping from the ceiling. Not paying attention to it does not make the problem go away. While it is not easy to do so, it is important to

  • Be AWARE, even VERY AWARE, yet have PERSPECTIVE,
  • Take POSITIVE ACTION without losing HOPE,
  • Find a place of BALANCE.

Environment that includes the thoughts and feelings of others, does have a powerful effect upon us. Stress and overwhelm is over the top. It seems that one way to control the negativity in our environment might be to cut off contact or dismiss those in our life who are depressed, upset or otherwise ‘negative’. But there is a price to pay for this.

3. You cannot write off anyone without losing some humanity within yourself.

Currently, scientists talk about a theory of Entanglement–the idea that everything and everyone is connected. Therefore each impacts upon the other. Ho’oponopono, an old Hawaiian practice, talks about each person’s responsibility in causing/contributing to another person’s behavior or illness. Christians are told “you are your brother’s keeper”, “love one another”, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Other religions also emphasize compassion, kindness and charity.

And yet, in the real world we understand that there are limits to our time, finances, mental and emotional energy we can expend on being compassionate, listening to or helping others. Where is the balance?

Rather than write off a person that frequently complains, or is frustrated, angry or depressed, there is a way to show compassion, love and accept people where they are, and help them to shift their focus from problem to solution, and help yourself at the same time.

You can accomplish this through

  • just listening,
  • trying to understand what they are saying/feeling and why,
  • acknowledging their feelings whether or not you agree with them,
  • affirming your belief in their ability to meet their challenge ,
  • and if it is true, just letting them know that you love/care about them
    • “I’m so sorry you are going through this, but I want you to know I ____ (love you, believe in you, feel you are going to get through this).”
  • If you don’t have the time or the inclination to listen and try to understand, then at least acknowledge their upset, and affirm a basic ability that exists within everyone to figure things out eventually (with or without help).
    • I can tell you are really ___ (upset, depressed, etc.) about this. But I am ___ (unable to help you with it ___  because ___ (I am leaving right now, about to ___, don’t have any quick answers to help you with it). Nonetheless, I believe you have greater resources within yourself to bring into solving this problem. And I believe you are going to find the appropriate help you need to resolve it just as you have with other problems you have had in your life. I bet that you are probably a lot more capable and resourceful than you are giving yourself credit for right now. And if you think about other things you solved that you never thought you could, that awareness will help you now.

Use ordinary conversation to shift the mood of yourself and others

  • Ask them a question that moves to possibility:
    • If it could work, how would it work?
    • If you could ___, what is something, no matter how small, that you could do right now? 
  • Ask a question that reminds them of other tough times they got through
    • Can you remember another time in your life when things looked bleak, but which you got through? (If they respond ‘yes’, then say) Tell me about it.
    • Has your car ever broken down? Did you get it fixed or just get another form of transportation? And did you solve that problem because it became a priority, and because it became a priority, you figured out a way to solve it? So if you make this problem of ___ a priority, can we assume that it is only a matter of time that you figure it out just like the other priorities in your life?
  • Ask them a question that shifts how they look at it
    • Who do you know that would look at this situation/problem differently? That might not be beaten down by it? That might not even be as upset or upset at all? What would they think that would allow them to have the same experience but not suffer nearly as much? 
    • If you were to pretend that you were ___, how would you go about resolving this issue?
    • How can you look at this situation so that it doesn’t bother you nearly as much?
  • Remind them of their resources to meet the challenge
    • family, friends, their network, skills, talents, internal strengths
  • Remind them of other positive things going on
  • Give them an image of themselves as more intelligent, capable, resourceful than they are projecting at the moment.
    • You know, right now you are giving me the impression that you think this problem is bigger than you are. But I don’t believe it. I think that this problem is going to force you to grow and is going to bring to the fore greater abilities and resourcefulness within yourself than you ever thought that you had. 

I look for and help others to see resources within themselves. You can do the same. And when you do, you will find that you have greater resources within yourself!

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

 

 

What the Law of Attraction Misses

This is a reworked article originally written in March 17, 2015 that was formerly called: 

“Why Shit Happens (or doesn’t)”

Much talk has been made on the Law of Attraction–that you create your own reality through the predominant content of your thoughts, and that by dwelling on positive or negative thoughts, you will draw positive or negative experiences into your life. Popularized by New Thought authors (see list of authors here), the New Age Movement, channelers such as Esther Hicks, and promoted in movies such as The Secret, it has been so hyped up that it takes on the trappings of religious dogma (Science of Mind, Unity, Christian Science, etc.) or cultish in it’s uncritical, narrow minded philosophy. Followers seem to fall into the category of ‘true believers’.

As a hypnotherapist, I agree that the Law of Attraction does seem to operate. It is my job to help a client identify the self-sabotaging thoughts, emotions and expectations that may underlie any unwanted habit, pattern or experience. And it is my job to help them resolve their issues, healing trauma and other blockages, and shifting limiting beliefs and negative expectations so that the person is able to be more hopeful, take appropriate action, and move on with their life less burdened by the stress of the past in order to create a more rewarding future.

That being said, the Law of Attraction is only a possible cause (not the only possibility) and even where found, may be only a partial cause of why particular things happen to you. While important, it is, nonetheless, simplistic and very incomplete. And in it’s claim that it is the only causative factor, it lacks compassion for self and others, and it neglects the other things that may be responsible totally apart from LOA, or in addition be at cause. In other words, the possibilities are:

  • Law of Attraction.
  • Law of Attraction AND ___.
  • Something else.

If you are blind to other factors that are or may be involved, you cannot, you will not take corrective action on them. That is a disservice.

Furthermore, ideas, beliefs, theories, models of reality change over time. They sometimes are more like the fad of the moment. They come and they go. Consequently, it is a mistake to get too attached or you will miss new insights. If you maintain an open-minded attitude, you may come to a greater understanding of how the mind works in creating our world. And as you examine other points in history or other cultures, other areas of the world where people have a vastly different beliefs, ideas, and experience of life than we do in our more privileged Western society, you may have a more expansive understanding in both our freedom and our limitations in what we can and cannot effect. 

But even within the Law of Attraction what is not usually talked about are the thoughts that are the most powerful aspect and the hardest to remedy are those that are so much a part of you that they taken for granted, unspoken, unverbalized, and, therefore, invisible. While your life gives you clues, yet other dynamics beyond your predominant thoughts can be responsible for drawing experiences to you. Hence, the beauty of hypnosis to uncover and release them.

In my first edition of Your Unlimited Potential, a complete self-hypnosis course book first published in 1992 [available through my website], I wrote about this New Thought principle and the others listed below in an entire chapter entitled Laws of Mind. While I am now embarrassed at how much the New Age Movement and New Thought permeates that chapter, New Thought only goes back about a 100 years since  Phineas Quimby. Quimby was a Mesmerist (follower of Franz Mesmer and the early hypnotists) in the early 19th century that healed Mary Baker Eddy, founder of Christian Science. Eddy in turn influenced Ernest Holmes who founded Religious Science (of which Fenwick Holmes, Raymond Charles Barker, Stuart Grayson, Louise Hay, Michael Beckwith, Joseph Murphy, Jean Houston, Terry Cole-Whittaker, and William Hornaday are notable ministers). Eddy also influenced Charles and Ethel Fillmore, founder of Unity Church.

  • Overall Law of Cause and Effect
  • Law of Knowing
  • Law of Love
  • Law of Gratitude
  • Law of Forgiveness
  • Law of Nonresistance
  • Law of Substitution
  • Law  of Belief (Expectancy)
  • Law of Faith
  • Law of Justification (Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
  • Law of Judgment
  • Law of Declaration
  • Law of Feeling (Emotion)
  • Law of Dominant Effect
  • Law of Identification
  • Law of Imagination
  • Law of Practice (Repetition)
  • Law of Neutrality
  • Law of No Limitations
  • Law of Association
  • Law of Compatibility
  • Law of Reaping and Sowing (Karma)
  • Law of Compensation (Giving and Receiving)
  • Law of Relaxation (Allowing)
  • Law of Release
  • Law of Vacuum
  • Law of Opposites
  • Law of Reverse Effect
  • Law of Pharsing
  • Law of the Now
  • Law of Permanence
  • Law of Connection
  • Law of One

But here’s another take on how we may be creating our reality:

While I believe that all of the above influence what happens to us, I noted that physicist, Tom Campbell has another take on why we draw things to us. He says that

We draw experiences to us as learning opportunities, both individually and collectively.

Tom Campbell on Creating Our Future           tom-atom.png

Campbell, author of My Big Toe, consciousness researcher, out-of-body experiencer, and former associate of Robert Monroe (founder of the Monroe Institute),  says that physical existence is a virtual reality. The future is a yet unrealized array of multiple possibilities of everything that could happen. As to what does happen or is most likely, he says:

If a particular occurrence is determined to be an effective learning opportunity for someone or everyone, the probability of it happening is increased. The system is designed to automatically deliver timely custom-fit individual learning opportunities — the presentation of such opportunities to individuals or groups is part of the feedback one receives relative to the choices one makes. Because the point of the system is to overcome fear (about you – high entropy) and replace it with love (about others – low entropy), if you have fear, the feedback system will manifest that fear in PMR [physical reality] to force you to deal with it (learn) or suffer the consequences.”

If it is your soul’s intention, or the intention of the virtual reality system of which you are a part, to learn and to grow, well then, you will be provided with experiences to do just that. That does not mean that you will learn, but the opportunity is there to do so.

For example, years ago I realized that I was much too naive, and, consequently, trusted untrustworthy people. So I made a clear intention to learn the true, underlying nature of others, their motivations and personal, hidden agendas. Immediately after I made that my intention  I came across one pathological lier, manipulative, self-serving or conniving person (all with smiling faces and pleasant exterior personalities) after another. How could someone be outwardly nice and inwardly, not nice? Think of white collar criminals, con men, snake oil salesmen. But did I learn? Yes, I am more discerning today.

Even if you are a good, positive person, you can draw painful experiences in order for you (or someone else) to learn. Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people?

Here’s another example. About a decade ago, I found that a ‘friend’ and colleague had plagiarized a full eight pages of my stop smoking book. Now I have never plagiarized anyone so I did not deserve this on the basis of karma. In fact, I go out of my way to acknowledge sources. Nor was I focused on fear that someone might steal from me. In fact, I trusted this person as well as my other colleagues to behave differently. So I did not draw this experience on the level of my predominant thoughts (aka Law of Attraction).  I worked hard to do the research myself and the hard work of writing the book, and here comes someone who above all should not mistreat a friend, and a colleague and fellow presenter who above all should set a shining professional standard of behavior. Furthermore, we had just roomed together at a conference where we were both teaching, so this betrayal was a shock.

Yet in meditation, I was informed that it was a soul agreement–that if she did this (not predestined to happen), that I would be the one to confront her and help her to learn not to steal someone else’s intellectual property. But there was also something in it for me–I could learn to more powerfully to stand up for myself and establish better boundaries instead of letting things slide. This understanding enabled me to let go of the anger and to proceed to taking prompt, effective legal and other countermeasures even though it was very time-consuming to do so.

Pain is a great motivator

My original push to study psychology, dowsing and many self-help modalities  was precisely to deal with and stop the stream of unpleasant ‘learning opportunities’ that life dished out. Of course, at the time, I did not perceive such events as an opportunity. But over time, I decided to use them as such. After all, I might as well get something good out of the experience. Why not salvage something out of the debris, right? As a result, that decision, repeated over and over again as new events showed up, was a powerful part of allowing me to mature and move with greater grace and ease through life. It also stopped some of those types of experiences happening again, or slowing me down in an emotional quagmire if they did.

Although only one factor among many, thoughts and emotions absolutely do impact upon what experiences show up and how they affect you. It is not always obvious, nor necessarily a direct correlation, nor necessarily immediate. But sooner or later, they build sufficient momentum to bring a harvest.

The collective mindset

Scientists are more and more talking about the morphogenetic field, and entanglement of consciousness.  This theory says that the consciousness of each of us is tied psychically to the larger whole of humanity. Your thoughts and emotions are added to my own and that this is what can attract a collective (common) experience.

While the humans may not appear to have the same kind of hive mind of a school of fish or swarming ants, it appears that collective human consciousness exists. My mindset is entangled with yours and yours is entangled with mine. Even where they are disagree, even when antithetical, on some level, they are felt, and that will influence our sense of ease or dis-ease, our individual mood, and our choices (congruent or reactive). The most powerful  effect will be felt with those with whom we are in rapport (friends and family), then with those in close association (neighbors, work associates), those with whom we identify, but ultimately with the larger humanity. The commonly held thoughts and emotions in any group, neighborhood, region, even nation can sometimes be felt. Think of any place where a tragedy has taken place like 9/11 or a mass celebration like Christmas, New Year’s Eve or the end of a war.

Applying the Law of Attraction to the Collective

Perhaps this newer scientific understanding of the morphogenetic field and entanglement can be joined with age-old spiritual awareness that you and your brother are one, that what you do to another, you also do to yourself. If we apply Campbell’s idea that we draw experiences collectively as well as individually to learn, and to move from fear to love, let’s learn as fast as we can to jointly experience a nicer, kinder world.

Copyright by Roxanne Louise. However, this article may be shared in free online sources only if this copyright notice and link to http://www.roxannelouise.com and http://unlimitedpotentialhealingcenter.com  are included with the content.

 

 

 

 

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